Can't Stop The Suicide Thoughts

[digger]

You do need help and support, and so does she by the sounds of it. Did your hospital program leave you with any on going sources of support?

And I am sorry if my other posts seem harsh, I'm not minimising your thoughts or situation, but I have to get really strict with myself when it comes to SI and take a zero tolerance approach to it. I know it's hard when we don't know what the solutions actually are, but that doesn't mean that suicide is the solution either.

Is it possible to phone/text/email your therapist? Or have a phone or Skype session if you feel you can't get to see them?

 

[shimmerz]

I am so sorry this is happening to you @Bookoffee. I, as well am in a dire situation. Have been for a few months now. I know that it looks like all is lost, but you may well be surprised about what may happen. I know I have been. I think you are doing a great thing by reaching out, I really respect and admire you for doing so. I can't tell you how to fix it but I can tell you that I have felt these feelings in my own personal way. I hear you.

 

[Bookoffee]

The hospital made an appointment with a male therapist for me to see. I have been going to him but I can't work with him every time I tell him my situation he asks how it feels then tells me to sit with and wont talk to me for about five minutes then wont address or help me find salutations. I feel extremely uncomfortable with him. I had to fire him and I just found a new therapist that I haven't even seen yet.

 

[scout86]

I just did a quick search on filing for bankruptcy in the US.

According to the Dept of Justice web site, a person who files for bankruptcy needs to do credit counseling within 180 days of filing. The web site has a list of approved services. I didn't check out the list. (I have no idea where you live, so there wouldn't be much point.) I KNOW that there are not for profit credit counseling services in many places. Some are reliable, some aren't. I would expect any on the justice dept list to be reliable. Many of them are free or very low cost. Can you find a service like that to get you started? Just having an expert to consult with would be a relief, I would think.

I have a good friend who filed for bankruptcy a few years ago. I know there was a problem with the lawyer wanting money up front, and, if she'd had the money, it wouldn't have been a problem. She DID manage to get through the process though, and things have been much better since then. Have you tried consulting with a credit counseling service?

 

[digger]

Was there any crisis support or advice offered from your time at the hospital?

Starting with a new therapist must feel pretty unsettling too when everything else feels so out of control. When is your first appointment with them?

Does your wife currently have a therapist?

 

[Bookoffee]

@scout86 I have contacted credit counseling but I will need to pay a monthly fee for my back bills. We don't bring in enough money to pay our rent, electric, phone and medication.

@digger She does has therapist and she likes her a lot. If she finds a way into work tomorrow, we are hoping that she will also be able to find a way to her therapist.

 

[scout86]

What do the credit counseling people say about that? (I'm guessing that you have to figure out a way to cut your expenses, but I don't know that for sure.)

 

[shimmerz]

So sorry to have disappeared. It was an urgent matter.

Is there any chance that you can speak to your wife's therapist? Or that your wife can? It seems to me that putting out the 'emotional' fire of not having support is most important right now. Does that sound right @Bookoffee ?

 

[shimmerz]

I have to say that I admire that you are fighting through this @Bookoffee , that is a really tough thing not to freeze up over. I need to commend you on that.

 

[Bookoffee]

Things just get better for me...I had to email my new therapist that I was going to see that I am going through a hardship and could not afford my $20 co-payment. She wrote back to call her back when I can afford to see her. I am now left without a therapist.

@scout86 I didn't talk to them about not being able to afford to pay anything. I stopped talking with them until I can afford too give something

 

[Bookoffee]

I also lost my best friend through all of this. When our cars broke down, he agreed to pick me up and let my wife use his car to go to work. Then he agreed to pick someone else as well. It became too much for him to pick up al of us so he got angry with my wife. He drove like a mad man yelling at her about the fight he got into with the other woman he was picking up. He was plowing through snow banks, going through lights and speeding.

The exhaust his partner welded together and all the snow and ice that went into the wheels really screwed up his car. He texted me a picture of the bill it cost to fix and expected us to pay for it. My wife and him got into an argument and now everything is damaged.

 

[shimmerz]

call her back when I can afford to see her

Sounds like you aren't missing much with this one anyway. What about your wife's therapist? You have a ton of issues swirling around and I am thinking the most important might be support. I can't speak for you though. Sounds like narrowing down the issues would be good though. We obviously can't give you professional advice here, just support you as best we can. In all honesty though, you are reaching out so if there is no other counselor available, what about a crisis counselor by phone?

@digger is right, it can't be an option to speak about suicide. This isn't about wanting to die, this is wanting out of a very terrifying situation. The two are different things.