Can't turn off flight or fight

[Songbird]

I've disassociated and said hurtful things to my husband so many times that he's now in a place where he's not sure that I really want to be with him, and is considering divorce. He's waiting to see if things change, but seeing him in this place only triggers my anxiety more. I am dying inside trying so hard not to mess up again. I'm in therapy and working on myself, but this is so incredibly hard to endure. I don't want to lose him and need to find a way to gain his trust back. Just venting, but would love to talk with others about it.

 

[Suzetig]

The fight or flight thing is an instinctive response so no, you can't stop it from happening but you can learn to recognise that's what's happening and manage your behaviour accordingly. For me that meant noticing my behaviour and taking that as a sign that I was triggered and working my way back from there.

For example, I love my husband and wouldn't normally want to be hurtful to him so if I find myself being bad tempered with him just for living the chances are I've been triggered. So, before I figure out what I'm reacting to I need to take myself out of the situation where I'm being harsh towards him by either shutting up, or walking out of the room or just telling him I'm feeling anxious. Then I can use breathing exercises, grounding strategies to calm myself and only then can I figure out what triggered the anxiety.

Your aren't responsible for the fact that something triggers you, you are responsible for how you manage your behaviour when triggered.

 

[Songbird]

Thank you, yes I agree. I am learning to take control back once I'm triggered, however, I'm in a situation now that feels like a constant trigger. It's incredibly hard for to feel extreme amounts of anxiety knowing he's upset with me and may leave.