Caring For Teenager With PTSD

[coda22]

Hi,

I'm the mother of a 15 year old boy with PTSD. He was diagnosed 2 years ago when he refused to go to school and was involved in the court system. We were referred to community mental health and he was evaluated at that time. Medication was prescribed, however he refused to take it. He refuses all medication, he won't even take cough medicine or cold medicine when he is sick. He is a victim of repeated domestic violence, both directed at him and witnessing me getting beaten by his father. This violence started when he was about 2 years old and continued until he was 9. I divorced his father after he tried to kill me. (He tried to run me over in front of where I worked) My son has had issues with school since he started. He would become defiant and not do what the teacher expected, he would want to do it his way when he wanted to it. He is refusing to go to school again and is sitting in a detention facility now.

I have no family or friends for support. My ex isolated me and it is hard for me make new friends and trust anyone to be there for me. So many people didn't believe me when I was trying to reach out for help when I was being abused in the past.

I guess what I'm looking for here is some support and education on how to parent a teenager with PTSD. When I do try to reach out for support, I hear that all he needs in a kick in the pants and he will straighten up, or that I must be doing something wrong. I have devoted all of my energy in trying to help him and try to get him to open up and deal with his trauma. I don't have any energy left for me, and my mental health has suffered as a result.

Thanks for any help,

Michele

 

[AthenaErdmann]

Welcome, Michele/coda22!

I don't see anything in what you write that would suggest that you are doing something wrong, quite to the contrary. You and your son have lived through hell, and your situation as a parent is genuinely challenging. I sometimes feel overwhelmed "just" because our eldest is physically ill so often, so I take my hat off for you: you are very brave. It is hard to reach out after many disappointments, and you are doing the right thing! I hope that you will find this a safe and supportive place for you.

Athena

 

[amethist]

Hi Michele

Welcome to the forum.

It must be a very difficult time for you right now, but you will find a lot of advice and support here. Maybe some of it not what you want to hear, but it will be honest.

You say your son is 15 and refuses to take medication of any sort, and is now in a detention facility. There maybe a few members here who can relate to that, but also say that at 15 he should be able to take responsibility of his actions. I am not trying to upset you, just being honest. As carers we cannot keep defending them when they mess up, as it does affect our own health big time. Having ptsd is no excuse for bad behaviour, even when it is un-controlled, all sufferers should learn how to manage their symptoms, to be able to live a reasonably normal life.

Some how, some way you have to get him to except some kind of help or therapy, for your own piece of mind. Then you can keep supporting and helping him move forward, tell him this as soon as you can before it becomes too late for both of you.

Please take care of you and try and set some boundaries with all this. Read the carers section where you will find a lot of usefully threads and information which just may help you keep going, for your sons sake as well as your own.

Take care and good luck.

Amethist

 

[Michel]

Hi Michele,
I just wanted to write because our stories share so much. My son just turned 16. His father was extremely abusive of me. My son is doing very well but lives with his father (his choice, certainly not mine), and I always feel there are things I don't know about how his life has gone since he moved to his father's home from mine, into another city. He has wonderful friends and adult support but I can't help believing that living with the angry man his father is must have/must have had some impact. I also have no friends/family for support and, like you, was isolated by my son's father - haven't been able to make new friends in some time now. And, like you, when I did reach out for help back when the abuse was worst, no one realized (I guess) how serious was what I was saying. I am now in a kind of "deprogramming" therapy program for the effects of the abuse on me, and between the therapy and the PTSD itself, I feel helpless all the time.

I so hope the forum helps you and your son.

Michel