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Cat Problems
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That seems to work out naturally. They each get one-on-one love time with us. We've had the kittens since September.
Actually, I just tried a new thing with Robert which seemed to work. He was lying next to me on the couch and started growling at our male kitten, who was playing across the room. I started cuddling him close and telling him over and over how much we love him and that settled him down for the most part. I mean, he still started growling a little every few minutes, but I just kept cuddling him and reassuring him and he really seemed to mostly calm down. I think that's the solution, rather than reprimanding him.
Actually, I just tried a new thing with Robert which seemed to work. He was lying next to me on the couch and started growling at our male kitten, who was playing across the room. I started cuddling him close and telling him over and over how much we love him and that settled him down for the most part. I mean, he still started growling a little every few minutes, but I just kept cuddling him and reassuring him and he really seemed to mostly calm down. I think that's the solution, rather than reprimanding him.
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Blue Survivor
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I worked with animals for over 10 years, and over that time I got to know a lot of people too. You strike me a compassionate person, because you wanted a new cat friend for you baby after his buddy took off. So I don't think that you're done with him, I think you're just over his behavior towards the little ones and that's what is frustrating you. But the good news is that you can fix this!
Put the kittens in their own room - food, water, litter, toys, beds - and keep them there. For two weeks. Absolutely go to visit them and play with them often during the day. The important thing here is to NOT let the adult cat near them. This may sound a bit nutty, but rub towels on the kittens and then place them throughout the house where you adult cat likes to sleep, eat, or play or basically do anything pleasurable to him. Also rub towels on your adult cat and put them in the kittens' room around their toys or food. What you're doing here with all this towel-rubbing is giving the adult & the kittens a chance to 'get to know' each other without having to be face to face. What you're hoping for is for the adult cat to associate the kittens' smell with things he likes to do, like eat or play. Same with the babies.
After two weeks you put your adult cat in his own room and you let the kittens have free-run of the house instead. Continue not letting the kittens near the adult cat, and continue the towel rubbing thing. Since the adult cat was with your family first & he is likely used to having free-run of the house, you probably won't want to keep him in there for two weeks. Maybe try a few days.
Then let them meet! Cats (and dogs) feed off our body language, so it's important that you're as relaxed as you introduce them. Your adult might bop the kittens on the nose - that's okay and it is normal. It is like him saying 'I am the boss!' and most kittens will get the idea, some quicker than others. Sure they may irritate him because they're so young and will likely rather play while he'd rather nap, but hopefully they'll have each other to entertain for the most part. I'd give them all treats just for meeting, and more treats when they're interacting in a friendly manner.
I would not rehome the adult cat; I personally don't think it is fair to him. Cats are adaptable creatures but they need time. He might be feeling a loss for his friend that ran away, and to be separated from his humans at a time like this could result in further loss for him.
Put the kittens in their own room - food, water, litter, toys, beds - and keep them there. For two weeks. Absolutely go to visit them and play with them often during the day. The important thing here is to NOT let the adult cat near them. This may sound a bit nutty, but rub towels on the kittens and then place them throughout the house where you adult cat likes to sleep, eat, or play or basically do anything pleasurable to him. Also rub towels on your adult cat and put them in the kittens' room around their toys or food. What you're doing here with all this towel-rubbing is giving the adult & the kittens a chance to 'get to know' each other without having to be face to face. What you're hoping for is for the adult cat to associate the kittens' smell with things he likes to do, like eat or play. Same with the babies.
After two weeks you put your adult cat in his own room and you let the kittens have free-run of the house instead. Continue not letting the kittens near the adult cat, and continue the towel rubbing thing. Since the adult cat was with your family first & he is likely used to having free-run of the house, you probably won't want to keep him in there for two weeks. Maybe try a few days.
Then let them meet! Cats (and dogs) feed off our body language, so it's important that you're as relaxed as you introduce them. Your adult might bop the kittens on the nose - that's okay and it is normal. It is like him saying 'I am the boss!' and most kittens will get the idea, some quicker than others. Sure they may irritate him because they're so young and will likely rather play while he'd rather nap, but hopefully they'll have each other to entertain for the most part. I'd give them all treats just for meeting, and more treats when they're interacting in a friendly manner.
I would not rehome the adult cat; I personally don't think it is fair to him. Cats are adaptable creatures but they need time. He might be feeling a loss for his friend that ran away, and to be separated from his humans at a time like this could result in further loss for him.
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- #19
Oh, we totally agree, BlueSurvivor. Last night we were just at our wit's end over this, and I was venting. We would never give up Robert. He belongs here and we love him. Earlier tonight when I was able to sleep, he was cuddling with me, as he often does, and I really liked it, as I always do. I appreciate your ideas and think they would have been very useful when we first got the kittens, but it may be too late for that now. They know each other and their smells and such. And, as I said, they all do often play with each other. I think my strategy described previously will work, making sure to cuddle Robert when he is growling and doing our best to reassure him. Thank you so much for your post! It sounds like you really know animals!
Please don't give up your older cat...so hard and unfair for him. Many cats adjust to new animals pretty poorly, especially older cats. But that doesn't mean trade in the old for new and cuter ones. The thought makes me really sad.
My cat hated my dog. She had loved many years as the sole pet. I can't blame her for not having a fun-loving adjustment to a dog like I did. It helped that I let them each have their own spaces but also found a middle space where I could pet both, one on each side, and give them attention simultaneously so they developed a more positive connection. Treats simultaneously too sometimes. And spending time just with my cat. Maybe that means you shut the kittens out or let them play somewhere and just snuggle with your older cat. It's understandable he'd be even more grumpy and pissed off if he felt threatened about his humans giving him up for younger cats and he has maybe been sensing your new love for these kittens. His crabbiness is perfectly understandable. Just give him love and respect and a little time.
My cat hated my dog. She had loved many years as the sole pet. I can't blame her for not having a fun-loving adjustment to a dog like I did. It helped that I let them each have their own spaces but also found a middle space where I could pet both, one on each side, and give them attention simultaneously so they developed a more positive connection. Treats simultaneously too sometimes. And spending time just with my cat. Maybe that means you shut the kittens out or let them play somewhere and just snuggle with your older cat. It's understandable he'd be even more grumpy and pissed off if he felt threatened about his humans giving him up for younger cats and he has maybe been sensing your new love for these kittens. His crabbiness is perfectly understandable. Just give him love and respect and a little time.
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- #22
Oh, we do, Chava. Thank you for your concern. We love our older guy and have found that giving him extra attention when he's crabby helps to soothe him. When I wrote this initial post the other night, my husband and I were both at the end of our rope and really upset and angry. But it was only temporary. We know now what to do to help our Robert and it's working, thank God!
joeylittle
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I'd do a slightly modified version of what @Blue Survivor suggested.
If you have the patience for it: Put the kittens in their own room. Give them tons of affection, of course. Assuming Robert is food motivated - give him treats near the door; gradually move his food nearer to the door. Inside the room, keep the kittens food and litter boxes away from the door.
After about 2 weeks, switch to a childproof gate or any other kind of partial obstruction. The kittens shouldn't be able to jump over it, and Robert won't want to. Copious treats by the gate. The kittens will likely come over of their own accord - treat them as well.
Your goal is to get the kitten food bowl and robert's food bowl on either side of the gate, and get them eating together. Robert associating the kittens with food and treats (while also having his food protected) should change his association to a positive one.
Are both the kittens male? If you have a female in there - even though everyone is fixed - she could actually be the issue. Female cats are dominant, and males really don't habitually get into dominance wars unless there's a female around. Although she may be a creature you love, she'd be the one to consider re-homing. Just watch how she is part of the interaction between robert and the boy kitten - where she is at the time, etc.
Also: you need four boxes. One for each, plus an extra. Certainly, if you are expecting them all to share a box right now, you must at least go up to two or three.
Good luck!
If you have the patience for it: Put the kittens in their own room. Give them tons of affection, of course. Assuming Robert is food motivated - give him treats near the door; gradually move his food nearer to the door. Inside the room, keep the kittens food and litter boxes away from the door.
After about 2 weeks, switch to a childproof gate or any other kind of partial obstruction. The kittens shouldn't be able to jump over it, and Robert won't want to. Copious treats by the gate. The kittens will likely come over of their own accord - treat them as well.
Your goal is to get the kitten food bowl and robert's food bowl on either side of the gate, and get them eating together. Robert associating the kittens with food and treats (while also having his food protected) should change his association to a positive one.
Are both the kittens male? If you have a female in there - even though everyone is fixed - she could actually be the issue. Female cats are dominant, and males really don't habitually get into dominance wars unless there's a female around. Although she may be a creature you love, she'd be the one to consider re-homing. Just watch how she is part of the interaction between robert and the boy kitten - where she is at the time, etc.
Also: you need four boxes. One for each, plus an extra. Certainly, if you are expecting them all to share a box right now, you must at least go up to two or three.
Good luck!
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- #24
Thanks, joeylittle. Those are good ideas, but I think we've gotten things under control here now. We do have a female kitten, the sister to our male kitten, but she is very shy and really stays out of things, usually, unless they're all playing. You might be right that we need a third litter box, though. And, also the kittens would definitely jump over any childproof gate. They jump up on the kitchen counter! Woody especially loves to jump up there when I'm cooking. Anyway, we are not going to rehome any of our cats. We love them all and have now found a way to soothe Robert.
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