Cat v sleep

[Sandstone]

And here I am, awake at 3am again, but this time it is because my husband wants the cat in the bedroom. Or at least, is too soft to throw him out. That means we sleep with door open and the cat comes in and out, announcing his arrival (he is a chatty Maine Coon)ju, purring loudly and jumping on and off the bed. Sleeping isn't my best skill at any time. I'll be here till 5:30 am, when they will both get up and I'll go back to bed and hopefully to sleep.

I spent ages working out why it bothers me, and looking at the impossibility of saying anything before I went to sleep, and now I'm downstairs. The trouble is, it is so easy to use this illness as an excuse to get your own way. If I explain it to him, it feels manipulative. I know it goes back to my mothers twin views that children aren't people, but dogs are. So we had dogs lifted onto the dining table to help themselves from our plates. But saying that, in this circumstance, is playing the 'poor me' card.

I also know that keeping the cat in the room is a more recent thing. I suspect it ties in to my inability to admit my body exists, so I can't even hug him. I thought about going to sleep in the spare bed, but that seems a bit histrionic: flouncing out and making a scene isn't reasonable behaviour.

The thing is, he knows I don't share the bedroom with pets. For fourteen years, I've said that I can't have a cat on the bed, because they do the tango. He knows I have trouble sleeping, and I think he knows that being up, alone at night is my worst time. He doesn't know that for the last two nights I took unprescribed pills to stay asleep because I knew I couldn't risk waking, and tonight was intended to be a test to see how it went. Now, I can't say that either, because it would be another part of getting my own way.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I think that you have the "right" to have a nights sleep, so if it were me, I'd have the conversation with hubby and explain how having the cat in the bedroom disturbs your sleep. If he mentions the 2 nights that you slept well, be honest and tell him.

Sleep is one of those things that when it's in short supply, the mind and the body react. Our symptoms flare, our brains become foggy, anxiety kicks in, we become short tempered, can't hold a thought to save our souls, and many other wonderful and sweet gifts that PTSD offers. (where is the sarcasm emoji when you need one).

Or, you could just wait until hubby remarks that your attidude sucks, that you're crabby and miserable and then tell him. Then he would at least get the drift that your lack of sleep isn't a great thing for him to go through. I think you should have the conversation with him now before the lack of sleep sets in....

 

[LadyZane]

I know what you mean -- it's almost harder to ask for something you see as your personal hangups, it makes it feel like it's just you even when you know it's probably not. I have had cats my whole adult life and while I do let them sleep in the bed with me they are objectively annoying and frequently wake you up. It's just their style. They get up, they constantly want to re-settle, they make biscuits and take violent baths and pin down the blankets.

I don't know what kind of mattress you have and I know replacing a bed is a huge undertaking, but we needed a new bed a couple years ago and replaced our traditional spring-mattress setup with one of those Casper memory foam ones and it's been a lot better. The cat used to wake my husband up all night jumping up and down and bouncing the bed every time she moved. But now the memory foam doesn't have that "bounce" factor and it's a lot easier for us both to sleep. (I'm a toss-and-turner too and this bed makes it a lot easier for him to sleep through that as well.)

 

[digger]

I think as it's a new thing, there's nothing at all wrong or unreasonable in saying "actually the cat in the room at night thing - it's really not working for me and is interrupting my sleep. Can we go back to keeping the pets out of the bedroom at night please'"

It doesn't have to be manipulative, or histrionic. Doesn't even need explanation other than - 'I'm not sleeping well with the cat in the room'.

<disclaimer - digger is crap at relationships ;) >

 

[Sandstone]

it's almost harder to ask for something you see as your personal hangups,

It doesn't have to be manipulative, or histrionic.

Asking is hard, but not asking is only OK if I'm willing to accept graciously, and not play the martyr. Sleep is too important for that.
I think my inclination is to act, so the next time I find a cat on the bed I'll scoop it up saying "You know you'll only want to party all night" and put him out of the room. I think that is what I would have done pre PTSD, before I had to second guess my second guesses.

symptoms flare, our brains become foggy, anxiety kicks in, we become short tempered, can't hold a thought to save our souls,

In the end I didn't go back to bed, as we had plans to buy outfits for a wedding today. Instead, I dropped many garments on the floor in each of four different shops and walked into two doors. I think that indicates how much I need sleep, so if I do have to discuss it I can mention that.

 

[digger]

next time I find a cat on the bed I'll scoop it up saying "You know you'll only want to party all night" and put him out of the room

Sounds like a plan to me :tup: