Caught A Fish Now What?

[shadowchaser]

As some of you who have known me longer may remember I've always struggled with finding the right person. Well now I've been talking with a guy and things seam to be going good. So as expected I'm freaking out. He is a tattoo freak like me. Sweet and friendly he has had his own past. No ptsd or anything else I can tell that is seriously wrong. His self esteem is kinda low because of bad teeth. But other than that he is reliable and hard working. He knows about my physical limitations as well as the ptsd.

My concern is this. He knows about it but admits he knows nothing about it. So how am I supposed to explain it. What if we are sitting on the couch watching a movie and I go into a full blown black out. He knows what black outs are but what if it creeps him out. I want to just open up and explain everything but I'm scared it will chase him off. It's so hard to meet someone when your full figured (who ain't creepy) to begin with that the ptsd makes it feel impossible.

Any advice? He is outside of my normal comfort zone. I know that my comfort zone seams to get me nothing but more toxic people so I'm trying to move away from it. Not easy.

Got our first night in person together on Sunday out with some friends of mine. I open up when I'm singing. Don't know why I just always have. I want to show him what I'm like when I'm not nervous. So karaoke. Don't know how he is going to take my friends. After all they look at me as the normal one. :alien:

 

[LizardViolet]

Just take it one step at a time. It's nerve wracking when you like someone and maybe you're worried that they'll react badly... but if he can't take the next truth, and the next one, then he's not the guy for you. You're already making progress by dating someone outside of your comfort zone. There's an advice columnist I like named Dan Savage who says, every relationship fails, until one doesn't. This one MIGHT be the one that doesn't. But all the ones that don't work are practice for the one that does.

If you're full figured, you know, there are websites specifically for making connections between BBW and the men who love them. My boss is a pretty large person and she found lots of guys to date, and eventually a steady boyfriend, through a couple of them.

 

[shadowchaser]

If you're full figured, you know, there are websites specifically for making connections between BBW and the men who love them. My boss is a pretty large person and she found lots of guys to date, and eventually a steady boyfriend, through a couple of them.

Tried a couple of these and all I found was guys wanting quick easy sex. Sorry not me. Other than flashback issues I have more respect for myself than to go down that road. For some people that may be good but not me.

 

[Ricanoland]

I have had two serious girlfriends. The first girlfriend I told her about my problems so late in the relationship, she felt like she didn't know me anymore. The second girlfriend, I told her everything up front. If I can make any suggestion find, a balance, your own balance. Make that balance your comfort zone. It's not much help, but that is all I can say. I hope you have a happy, healthy, long relationship. :)

 

[99Phoenix99]

As some of you who have known me longer may remember I've always struggled with finding the right person. Well now I've been talking with a guy and things seam to be going good. So as expected I'm freaking out.

If you're nervous you must be doing something right :D It sounds like this guy is worthwhile. And things are getting personal. Which is scary as hell. I was dealing with a situation like this early this past March.

My advice is to make little mentions of it here and there. Don't overload him all at once because you'll likely overload yourself at the same time just by talking about it. Ease into it.

And avoid triggers. Like the plague. (at least until you get to know each other better) If you know it might upset you, avoid it. If you have that awkward "What do you want to watch?" moment don't be afraid to speak up. It'll be far easier to speak up than possibly have to try to downplay a panic attack.

And the more you get to know each other you can open up a little bit more and when you do that you won't have to avoid the triggers so much.

Maybe I'm a little paranoid myself, but with new people go slow. When you're with your close friends you know you can count on them because they know what you've been through. So you can take those risks of being triggered around them. But with a new person... just be aware of your limitations and slowly let yourself get used to their presence.

But I'd say most of all... enjoy yourself! If you've been talking to each other this long there's an obvious interest on both ends. He wouldn't have stayed in contact if he wasn't.

Whatever you've being doing thus far keep doing it!