Cbt Therapy

[Grizzly]

i have been doing CBT at the clinic for 2 weeks. I have now been assigned to write down my worst trauma. It's been very difficult. Wrecking my brain really. Every time I begin putting things to paper I feel a giant wave of emotion hit me. Then it's all followed by anger.

I have waited so long to do therapy. I went in with an open mind. Hope really. I felt that I was making some progress. Not with this new CBT...I feel like I have taken 10 steps back. As the saying goes..."you gotta let it out". It just doesn't feel right.

I literally catch myself trembling as I try to put my thought to paper. Then eventually I give up, find something else to remove me.

Is this normally the process?

 

[JarHed]

Short answer, yes.

Therapy is hard, very hard. You might say that the harder it seems the more progress you'll make. Even if at this point it may not seem that way.

I did PE, which has similarities to CBT except I didn't write anything down I just talked about a particular experience. I like you found it near impossible at first to verbalize it. It took time and was slow in coming. It was also very painful. So, what I'm saying Grizzly is that what you're experiencing is normal sounding to me.

I look back now and go whew! how did I do that, but I did and I'm glad I stuck it out. My only suggestion for you would be this; don't try to do too much at once. I don't know what your therapist has suggested either so you should run this by them as well. The first time I talked about my experience I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack, it was intense. So, just do a little at a time. And give it time as well. It's a hard course to stay but a good one in the end as the results are all better for you.

If there's anything I can help with let me know or drop me a line. Don't give it up.

Jar

 

[Grizzly]

Thanks Jar. I appreciate it. No plans on giving up this soon.

Basically the T has me writing the trauma down. I'm instructed that if I begins feeling overwhelmed to quit and draw a line on the paper. Well, there are a lot of lines. I was warned several preceding sessions that this was going to be hard. No shit!

We have talked about all the stressors / traumas before. But now I have been instructed to write in depth. The devil is in the details it seems. The original concepts seemed so easy. Just blast through it and get it done. Hahaha...yeah right!

 

[JarHed]

I have to say that therapy is one of the hardest things you can do. It's a worthy endeavor as you're putting the effort into yourself and getting better. The time will come in the future when you look back on this and think about the fact that you can talk about things that happened and that there was a time when you couldn't. Just take it a step at a time and you'll get there.

 

[GunnerZulu]

You know what might help instead of writing it down? And this is my personal experience, because I did it exactly this way. I drew a picture, a horribly drawn picture with as much relevant detail I could muster about my traumatic event. I showed it to my doctor and it got the point across. No need to put yourself in more pain then you need to be.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

The time will come in the future when you look back on this and think about the fact that you can talk about things that happened and that there was a time when you couldn't.

Jar is 100% correct in this. I can now talk about all of it.......It is a hard mother to get through and that is putting it mildly. As Jar said, Just take it a step at a time and you'll get there.

J R

 

[Ronin1]

Yes. Very normal. I had to write all the stuff down to when I started my case against the army, to get my PTSD filed under "work related injury"
But. I actually had some help so I didn't have to write it my self. I talked (and cried) and she wrote, then wrote it clean and sent it. It was hard. Very hard.

 

[Friday]

I can't talk about shit, Grizz. Been trying for months. Either one of two things happen... I lose my ever lovin mind, or I lose my emotions. Same result, truth stays buried. Irony, for sure.

I keep trying to sneak up on it. Talk around the edges, or piece into it, or talk about ugly f*cking shit I don't care about just to try and get used to using the damn words. Nope. Worse, I think my brain is catching on. Cause there's some ugly that I've never had a problem talking about, it's just ugly not painful, that's starting to get locked up just as tight. WTFO? Great. I'm going backwards. Just shoot me.

Thing is though, unless I'm all pissed off, it still feels right. The shit I can talk about has no power over me. Milk, eggs, butter. I feel like, if I can just get to that point with the rest of it? That I'll be good to go. I've tried explaining this to a couple of Ts... And they all get hung up on the ugly I don't give a shit about. Like I have pain all buried or some shit over it. No. That's sorted. It's the stuff that guts me I need help with, dammit.

@GunnerZulu Holy f*cking shit. That's brilliant. I'm going to try that. Like yesterday.

 

[JarHed]

Hey Friday

What you're experiencing in trying to express what happened is also normal for us. You have to keep chipping away at the lock and door where you've keep it all inside. It's f*cking hard and tough to do. I'd rather carry a 100lb pack, barefoot up to Casey Springs and back then to go through what I did in therapy. Sorry of the Pendledon reference. Don't know if Grunts still train on that trail. Anyway, I digress, Keep workin' it, it takes time. You've started something and that's why you feel like you do. Just take it a bite at a time. I know it hurts with a pain that's hard to explain and deal with. Let me know if I can help.

Jar

 

[GunnerZulu]

Glad I could help, let me know how it works out for ya!