Renaissance
New Here
During the height of my PTSD symptoms, I would experience profound depersonalization. During these times, it seemed like my eyes would take on a distinct look. They would be kind of still, and wide open, when I looked in the mirror.
During these episodes, something very strange would happen. I would have alterations in what I call my identity. When I say identity, I mean how I see myself.
I would retain my same name. During these times, I am not a person other than me. However, I would sense myself as evil in some grand way, and also powerful. I would not have delusions or anything like that. I never perceived myself as having any sort of supernatural or paranormal abilities. I just saw myself as capable of causing great harm to others.
I was sending the news media messages during the general time period that I was having these symptoms, wanting them to publish my story. I remember one occasion where I had a depersonalization episode, and I told the media about a person who had offended me, and that this person would have a special experience of hell, and that this person would know a secret about me that others do not know.
During these episodes of depersonalization, I will realize that I am depersonalizing. I will recall previous episodes, and I will recall how previous episodes caused me to think in ways that are “dark.”
During an active episode, I will be conscious of how my thoughts are distorted to be dark when I have episodes, but I will have trouble understanding if my current thoughts are distorted or if they are genuine feelings that I have. It will be after the episode is over that I am able to tell that my thoughts during the episode are not my normal, genuine thoughts.
Has anyone experienced anything like this, solely from PTSD? I cannot find a thing about this on google. To me it is suggestive of a profound traumatic stress brain injury. It is so bizarre and it seems to be almost an anomaly.
If not from PTSD, what caused this for you? I know for a fact that it is my PTSD, but any other experiences might give a hint as to what drives this in my specific case.
Also, this thing that my eyes do, is this normal and/or documented to occur during depersonalization, at least some of the time? It may just be that I’m looking in the mirror in some funny way, and that is what causes my eyes to look different.
During these episodes, something very strange would happen. I would have alterations in what I call my identity. When I say identity, I mean how I see myself.
I would retain my same name. During these times, I am not a person other than me. However, I would sense myself as evil in some grand way, and also powerful. I would not have delusions or anything like that. I never perceived myself as having any sort of supernatural or paranormal abilities. I just saw myself as capable of causing great harm to others.
I was sending the news media messages during the general time period that I was having these symptoms, wanting them to publish my story. I remember one occasion where I had a depersonalization episode, and I told the media about a person who had offended me, and that this person would have a special experience of hell, and that this person would know a secret about me that others do not know.
During these episodes of depersonalization, I will realize that I am depersonalizing. I will recall previous episodes, and I will recall how previous episodes caused me to think in ways that are “dark.”
During an active episode, I will be conscious of how my thoughts are distorted to be dark when I have episodes, but I will have trouble understanding if my current thoughts are distorted or if they are genuine feelings that I have. It will be after the episode is over that I am able to tell that my thoughts during the episode are not my normal, genuine thoughts.
Has anyone experienced anything like this, solely from PTSD? I cannot find a thing about this on google. To me it is suggestive of a profound traumatic stress brain injury. It is so bizarre and it seems to be almost an anomaly.
If not from PTSD, what caused this for you? I know for a fact that it is my PTSD, but any other experiences might give a hint as to what drives this in my specific case.
Also, this thing that my eyes do, is this normal and/or documented to occur during depersonalization, at least some of the time? It may just be that I’m looking in the mirror in some funny way, and that is what causes my eyes to look different.