Childhood Child on child sexual abuse - is blame necessary?

[beaneeboo]

@beaneeboo you are so wise—I can tell you’ve done a shit-ton of work since you started working on your recovery—I think this thread could be very helpful for people dealing with COCSA when they are ready.

Ha not sure about wise!! But I have been doing a shit ton of work..

This is so true! I remember when I was talking to the detective and she said the report was going to be sent to the city where the crime took place and I said, “I wish my dad would be found guilty and go to prison then I would have closure.” She looked right into my eyes and said, “In my experience, the legal system rarely provides any sense of closure, your therapist and the work you do on yourself will help you with that.” I just looked away silently because she hit me with a big truth and I had mountains of work ahead of me. But you’re right that her validation was incredibly important for my adult parts.

The emotions that moment must have created for you is almost palpable for me... thank you for sharing...

We look outside of ourselves to others for validation so often in life and we're taught about there being these ultimate rules and truths to respect and follow often before our own .. it can be hard to realise that often these are inadequate, or even just wrong... but it can also be extremely liberating to step outside of all that and realise there's a much more personal journey of discovery to go on... my whole life I've felt I'm just wrong to be who I am largely because I couldn't find myself or experiences in the definitions (lawful or otherwise) out there ... it's taken me 34 years to stop looking outwards to gain a greater understanding and to start trusting myself and my own understating of things which have happened by starting with myself... completely new concept.

I feel like you can relate. I know you've done a lot of work looking inside....I hope that mountain you became aware of when the detective said that to you has got smaller for you...or you're a good way up it... I'll be based at camp about half way up so if you need anything...