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Deleted member 42984
Hello,
Well, I'm a 43 old male from a tiny Scandinavian country that makes excellent bacon ;-). I was abused s/xually (forgive me for not spelling it out, it makes me uncomfortable) when I was 4 years old and the memories started to emerge in april this year. I'm seeing a T regularly, to process this.
Since my abuser was female, I struggle with loathing of females (sometimes anger, sometimes direct hatred) in general, along with 'gynophopia', fear of women. Even my own mother, just the look of her can scare me. Is this a normal reaction?? My T thinks there's anger beneath the fear, but I'm not sure I agree. I would rather say that there is BOTH anger and fear here.
I have problems functioning in daily life, due to excessive anxiety and dissociation sometimes, even today, in session, I started to dissociate. I sort of 'saw' my T as all of sorts of things that he is clearly not, like a space alien, a skeleton, and stuff like that. All dissociation. I'm not sure what happened, except that I'm positive that my dissociation gets worse when my T or others start to push me. Which he did today. He tried to make me seek out and confront my abuser (if that is even possible, I don't know her and never did), which I'm NOT ready to do at all.
Anyway, this is not my only trauma, but it is the one that apparently is most prominent in my consciousness these days. At every session I'm brought back to this sh*t. So it has been during the past 4 or 5 sessions.
After session today I struggled with feelings of isolation and depression. I felt like a little boy who just wanted a comforting hug. I dunno if this sounds completely strange, but .. that's how I felt ..
Cheers to all of you, and good luck on your journey (along with me) :-)
Sincerely,
ziter
Well, I'm a 43 old male from a tiny Scandinavian country that makes excellent bacon ;-). I was abused s/xually (forgive me for not spelling it out, it makes me uncomfortable) when I was 4 years old and the memories started to emerge in april this year. I'm seeing a T regularly, to process this.
Since my abuser was female, I struggle with loathing of females (sometimes anger, sometimes direct hatred) in general, along with 'gynophopia', fear of women. Even my own mother, just the look of her can scare me. Is this a normal reaction?? My T thinks there's anger beneath the fear, but I'm not sure I agree. I would rather say that there is BOTH anger and fear here.
I have problems functioning in daily life, due to excessive anxiety and dissociation sometimes, even today, in session, I started to dissociate. I sort of 'saw' my T as all of sorts of things that he is clearly not, like a space alien, a skeleton, and stuff like that. All dissociation. I'm not sure what happened, except that I'm positive that my dissociation gets worse when my T or others start to push me. Which he did today. He tried to make me seek out and confront my abuser (if that is even possible, I don't know her and never did), which I'm NOT ready to do at all.
Anyway, this is not my only trauma, but it is the one that apparently is most prominent in my consciousness these days. At every session I'm brought back to this sh*t. So it has been during the past 4 or 5 sessions.
After session today I struggled with feelings of isolation and depression. I felt like a little boy who just wanted a comforting hug. I dunno if this sounds completely strange, but .. that's how I felt ..
Cheers to all of you, and good luck on your journey (along with me) :-)
Sincerely,
ziter
