Childhood Bucket List

[SwordsPandaGirl]

I actually just came up with this one day when I was very angry and upset at my parents for taking my childhood away from me. I had spent most my childhood trying to get away from my parents and other abusers, panicking about getting raped/molested/beaten etc That I never had fun like other children are meant to. I missed out on so much and this makes me so depressed. I came to the conclusion that why can't I have these experiences now? (even if I am an adult) If I couldn't have these experiences as a child, I guess it is never too late not to.

So I decided to create a list of all the things I never had a chance to experience and was told that this list is a good therapy idea by a friend, so here it is :) I hope it helps anyone who needs it and perhaps we can all come up with/complete our lists together? :)

Here is what I have so far in my list:

• Climb a tree
• Roll down a hill
• Finger paint
• Colour in a colouring book
• Eat so many sweets, that I end up feeling sick/tummy ache.
• Play with helium balloon (suck in the helium)
• Eat a childs meal (chicken nugget shaped dinosaurs with smiley face potato chips)
• Watch loads of Disney films continuously
• Complete a video game
• Swim in a river
• Get stung by a nettle bush/plant
• Run around in a field
• Hang upside down until I feel dizzy

Hope this helps you :) If you have any other idea, I would love to hear them! please post them below :) It is never too late to experience the things we were meant to growing up! It would be nice to hear what you all think of this :)

Thanks for reading :D

 

[libbyjane]

For me, it's more the sense of responsibility I assumed as a young child. Every adult who ever met me as a child said the following kinds of comments, "geez, she's so serious, bares the weight of the world on her shoulders", "she's seven going on forty", "she's so conscientious but doesn't know how to play." I became a mother type figure to my own parents, to my siblings and I've assumed this role (rather unconsciously) as an adult. More than anything, I desire spontaneity, creativity, to put my needs first, to live without adult responsibilities, but it's too late and unrealistic to do that. I'm the breadwinner in our household and in my job I'm caring for others. The friendships I have made, I am always the support person. I guess I want to take up some hobbies that enable me to feel that way without relinquishing my responsibilities/obligations. I feel overwhelming guilt though for wanting to pursue those hobbies and feel bad about the financial cost involved.

I want to take up art classes, because I never really got time to sit and reflect and just express myself. I would like to do some circus classes or dance classes too, doing very fun, physical activities, that are challenging yet appeal to my expressive, creative side. I guess I haven't really developed a bucket list of sorts, just have some definitive ideas about how I don't want to live and the kinds of relationships I'd prefer to cultivate.

 

[Seasounds]

My list consists of things I didn't get/learn in childhood and adolescence. :

• Be free to be assertive and to be creative in my own dwelling
• Develop friends, so that I can feel that I belong
• Feel safe enough to date
• Have the courage to demonstrate an alliance of support in public (e.g. hold boyfriend's hand)

 

[Fadeaway]

My list:

• Get to play with other kids my age
• Get to play with toys I didn't make myself
• Have a birthday party, or at least have someone acknowledge my birthday
• Celebrate Christmas
• A Hug (I have had hugs as an adult so I wasn't sure whether to add this one, but it was such a simple, yet elusive want as a child, I would see other kids hug the yard duty teacher and such, but I was too afraid of being rejected)
  
• Wear a pretty dress

To this day I have never celebrated my birthday or Christmas. I think Christmas is just to painful for me because I associate the date with trauma but I still fantasize about being in a group of people who care about each other opening gifts together and doing the whole family meal thing, talking and laughing. I have often suggested to my husband about trying to create our own holiday, but I can't come up with something that would be a good reason to celebrate.

It seems silly and childish to still want this as an adult, but I want a party with streamers, balloons and party hats. I think it would be silly throw to throw something like that for yourself. I wouldn't really have anyone to invite besides my husband anyways. Yuck! I have tears streaming down my face as I write this.
:cry:

 

[SwordsPandaGirl]

Thank you everyone for your responses :)

@libbyjane it doesn't have to be a list :) it could be like you said, just ideas. Its all up to the individual :) I know for some things its too late but little things like climbing a tree. It could just be a day out where you decide to do that and it is also free :) I'm starting small first and then adding onto my list as I go :) I just want the chance to be care-free and although I wont get this fully, at least I get to experience some things I never got to :)

@change I really like your list. They are things I never got to learn, especially so when it comes to being assertive. I thing I will make that a priority of mine to try and be more assertive :) Thanks for the very inspirational list! :)

@Fadeaway I like your list too :) I especially will add onto mine the Christmas part if you don't mind :) I have never been able to celebrate Christmas either :hug: Christmas has always been a very dark time of year for me as it was when my abuse was at it's worst. Even to this day I can't quite get through that time of year well. My PTSD symptoms worsen and I spend most my days crying and having break downs. I too long for a Christmas that is filled with happiness and people who actually love me and care about me.

It doesn't seem silly or childish at all to me to want these things :hug:. We didn't get what we deserved as children, so we long for it now as adults. You deserved a party with balloons, party hats and silly party music :) I think it's normal to get upset, its part of the healing process to morn the things we were deprived of.

Massive :hug:s if you want them hun! This is why I created this list because I too get upset when I think of all that I should have had/experienced but was deprived of due to the abuse/traumas I experienced as a child. I know the list wont make up for everything we've all gone through but I'm hoping it will at least help and satisfy me a little :) x

 

[NovemberStar]

What an awesome idea!!!

 

[SwordsPandaGirl]

@NovemberStar Thanks :)

 

[Candleflames]

I think this is a great idea. There are many things I missed out on in childhood too. I didn't even realize how bitter I was or even how much damage it had caused until I told someone that I had never had a birthday party. They were shocked and my husband promptly threw a grown up party for my birthday when I turned 34. It'd be nice to actually recreate a kid party though. I hope you make every one of events happen.

As of now the only thing that I really miss is that I never had a slumber party. But I am having one at the end of the month. My husband and kids are going on vacation and I'm staying home so I invited some friends over and we're going to have one. :)

 

[SwordsPandaGirl]

@Candleflames Thank you :) You're husband sounds like a very supportive guy :) Yeah it is surprising how much these things really have affect our lives, I'm so happy for you :) I hope your birthday party was everything you dreamed of! Have an amazing slumber party too! I think we all deserve all the happiness in the world :)

 

[macbeth]

Awesome idea @SwordsPandaGirl. I hope you can find a way to make all that happen. I wanted 2 things as a child I vowed to do as an adult, to learn to swim and learn to play the violin. I learnt to swim at 28. Haven't got to the violin yet though. My point is these things are achievable, and I wish you the best of luck.:hug:s my friend.

 

[Springer80]

I'd like to go camping with the Gruffalo and build a camp fire! :giggle::giggle::inlove::inlove:[DOUBLEPOST=1402226284,1402226183][/DOUBLEPOST]ooo and I like building dens !!! :D

 

[Stuck20]

I want to learn to play with others. It would be great not worry about taking care of everyone else. I want to know that I'm safe, that there is someone who is going to take care of me and protect me. I don't want to feel so alone. The phrase "I want to go home" still runs through my head sometimes but I don't know what a safe home feels like. The idea of hugs and kisses without fear, desperation and shame seems wonderful. I want to have been able to love myself and not loathe who I am and my body. I wanted to be able to enjoy dating and not be such a scary, frightening experience.