@EveHarrington , we can surely love who we can't trust (pretty much everyone at a decent AlAnon meeting understands that conundrum :( ). I do think it is- at best- a process. But infinitely more rewarding & safe when someone
can be trusted, far better quality of relationship.
But you know what Eve? JMHO, of course, but those are the things (words) we hear, they're thrown around more easily or at least frequently (IMHO). Just trust, etc etc, "I can't", but from people who do, etc. (But it's a lot different in my experience from this side of the fence. Not too many rainbows & unicorns over here, lol. ) What I mean is, our trust troubles are not solved by (cannot be solved by) 'try harder' or 'think positively' or 'just try again'). I think the truth is, (& I can't take credit- not my realization but true), even God can help us when we are (& need to be) triple-locked-down-emotionally. I think that is you, that is me. Too much hurt, too much pain, way too little to believe or trust in (if at all).
I do agree with Maslow's 'hierarchy of needs', to the degree by which if the worst is over (or we're immune already, or at least so shut down ) , some food, safety, shelter is met, questions like these have more room. I think that's a better sign though, in a way. Or at least almost inevitable.
I myself have no real idea. I have no meaning to my existence, I was not worthwhile to 'love', I suppose, & really will leave (at best) nothing more than a few incidental, small kindnesses along the way. I care for others' families, & have none of my own. I'm seen as the 'happy' one, & I struggle with SI. I get asked out a lot, because I won't go (the ironic truth). 'Trust' is, well- wow. (Though I do believe vulnerability accompanies it, & we don't always have a say in that). I have had, supposedly, a life of 'lost potential'. Truth is, at this point I'm glad to make it through the day. I can't stand Freud, but I always recall (& cringe) at a comment he said, that "What can't mentally ill people do?" His response was "work +/or love". :( That being said, whether ptsd is considered an injury, or illness, or what-have-you, a mountain of pain comes with it.
However, I also think, one thing Jesus always had (after the fact), was wounds. Very visible wounds that He chose to have (visibly) remaining- He never
chose to make them invisible after-the-fact. So He 'gets' it, including the broken-ness. (I wonder if they told 'Him' to 'get over it..?' ;) ). So in other words, I think trusting He has a plan for our lives (knows what He's doing'), & relates & cares, means, well, everything to start.
Also, it isn't black-or-white, all or nothing. But we can choose, & choose to change our minds, as we change or decide to, based on where we are at, & all factors together. (It's ok to feel nothing, +/or everything else, right now too, for that matter).
I feel so defeated... I try to take baby steps and reach out but things end poorly. I've been smacked on two different fronts as of late and don't know if I can reach out again to another human
IMHO this ^^^ says nothing of you, & everything (negatively) of them. The question is, where is the person/ people, who will understand, cherish & value you, & will make it priority to do everything in their power to respect you, your heart & your feelings?
Thank you for being so honest.
Hugs to you.
