Christmas Brings Depression

[Truckinjoan]

I have very mixed feelings around Christmas. I want to be happy, and in the Holliday Spirit, but often I'm not. I feel like an outsider looking in on all the happy families sharing the warmth of the season. Also, when I was 12, the year I really started to develope breasts, my older brother really hurt me on Christmas. He knew how much I HATED my feminine body, and to humiliate me, he invited a group of his friends over on Christmas morning and had them all bring me presents. All of bras, lacy panties and bustiers. I was so excited when I saw they had gifts for me and so sad when I realized that it was all a mean joke.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I think things like Christmas can highlight our feelings and make everything feel worse, because its one time of year when we feel pressure to feel and to be a particular way. But the decorations do come down and life resumes again.

 

[simplekindofgirl]

You are both right. Christmas is so much about expectations, and whether it be of you or of others, we often feel let down.

This year it has been particularly difficult for me as well. Mostly because I have expectations of myself based on what everyone around me expects. I feel as though I am failing myself by failing them. I am just not social, which puts me in a minority in my surroundings. And I have no desire to explain it (beyond my supporter and my children) and how difficult it is for me to work through that. While I actually really adore my significant others family, I just do not want to share anything with them that makes me feel vulnerable. I do not need anyones pity, and I am afraid that this would be all that I would receive. And spending 3 days with them- well, I am having difficulties in even thinking about it. Not to mention, it doesn't leave me and my children much time to bond with my significant other, which under the present circumstances, could have disastrous consequences- especially after the decorations come down.

Christmas is and has always been hard for me. It is a day in which I lost a childhood friend. Not a Christmas has gone by without tears. Somethings just can not be undone.

(((TruckinJoan))) (((Meadowsweet)))

 

[LiamM]

I think things like Christmas can highlight our feelings and make everything feel worse, because its one time of year when we feel pressure to feel and to be a particular way.

This is exactly why Christmas makes me feel guilty. I feel like I'm letting everyone down when I'm depressed, and then I just start this cycle of inadequacy... I'm not even strong enough to put on a face for the benefit of my friends and family, which makes me feel worse, then makes them feel bad for me, and repeat. On that note, it also makes me sad, because I always wish I had a mother and/or father to have a Christmas holiday with. :(

However, at the same time I really like the season. With everyone else being so cheerful, I feel hopeful that maybe I too can feel such joy. I also really like the decorations. Does anyone else like looking into other homes to see how wonderful it looks inside?

 

[Tinyflame]

I like Christmas- or sometimes love it, but not when others' connotation is to make it a horrible time.

On the other hand, however, it seems a time for families only, really.

 

[Anna]

Wow, that is really mean of your brother. Sadistic and plain wrong for sure.

I have my own little family, and we get on really well :) Most of the time christmas is great. Until the few days afterwards. If I am not at work and have time, that is when it sinks in. The depression. How badly people treat you, and treat others. It can create a feeling of misanthropy. Egocentric selfish people making fun and laughing at each other. Not respecting each other.

What makes me sick is that you give respect and don't get it back. People are so damn rude. There are no manners. Worst is the supermarket. I smile and say thank you to them to make them realise what egocentric arrogant rude gits they really are.

Time makes it pass, and the realisation that at the end of the day you have yourself. Learn to love yourself, and don't let those people out there grind you down! Be strong!