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Chronic Pain And Depression
- Post starter Venusian
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piratelady
VIP Member
I don't know what your original post said, but I hope that you can find the answers you are looking for, whether it be somewhere here or at home.
I know that experiencing long term / chronic pain can add significantly to depression. You can see it with some other members here that are going through that now.
Take care. :hug:
I know that experiencing long term / chronic pain can add significantly to depression. You can see it with some other members here that are going through that now.
Take care. :hug:
Yes, there's an awful lot in your one sentence Venusian. Gosh gosh gosh. I SO much hope you didn't decide against sharing because of that stupid 2013 mindset that has sent so many of us under the nearest padded rock. Plus you never know what kind of helpful 'stuff' you'll pick up, speaking with other people who deal with this. It's not 'misery loves company', it's ' company while breathing here on the planet ', more necessary when something like pain ( and PTSD ) has isolated you and your psyche into some dark corner.
We're here. If you can't bring yourself to post, it really is helpful to browse the bazillion old threads and conversations here on the subject. I'm terrible at finding anything, but most people are not. I think if you put various relevent words in the search engine here, the subject you're looking for will magically appear. Hey, I'm 54, it's all still extremely wierd and magical to me.
Do take care, ok?
We're here. If you can't bring yourself to post, it really is helpful to browse the bazillion old threads and conversations here on the subject. I'm terrible at finding anything, but most people are not. I think if you put various relevent words in the search engine here, the subject you're looking for will magically appear. Hey, I'm 54, it's all still extremely wierd and magical to me.
Do take care, ok?
- Post starter
- #4
((Piratelady)) and ((Anni)), thank you for your responses to a thread that I deleted. It meant a lot.
I have been in constant pain for nearly a year now. For a few weeks it was mostly gone, after my surgery I had hoped that it was going to be over for good. But it came back, at first it was intermittent, a few hours every couple of days and then last week it came back worse than ever. I am still on a waiting list to see a specialist, I have been since August and after talking to the office that sets up the appointments, it will be June before I see someone.
A few weeks ago I had a new memory come back, I had been electrocuted. It was excruciating. During my surgery the doctor found a lot of scar tissue she didn't expect to find. I haven't had any other trauma that would explain it. My doctor said that I feel pain differently than anyone she has treated before. She has never explained what she meant but when I think back there was a lot of pain that I had that I just thought of as normal, I always lived with it and I never considered it pain. It has just been the last year that it got bad enough that I noticed it and needed to be medicated.
That memory of being tortured and the physical repercussions it has had in my life and knowing that no one noticed. Because no one noticed I internalized it and it became my norm.
When the pain gets bad like it had been for the past couple of days, when I can barely get out of bed or feel my hip starting to collapse when I try and stand up. Then I think about the specialist that always seems to be months away. First it was going to be October, then January, then February and now June. It is never going to end. If it is scar tissue it will be ongoing, for the rest of my life. It won't just be the PTSD, it is going to be ongoing physical reminders. What is going to happen when the next flashback hits, what else am I going to remember?
The other day, when I erased what I posted, all I could think of was the pills I had in my cupboard, the ones that I couldn't take because I reacted badly. I was so tired and in so much pain I just wanted relief. I was thinking that was all I had to look forward to. The pain that would only get worse. It has been a year and no one has taught me what to do to manage it. Just wait for the "magical" specialist that keeps getting further away. I have never really thought seriously that I would do anything but it was running through my mind. It scared me.
I have been in constant pain for nearly a year now. For a few weeks it was mostly gone, after my surgery I had hoped that it was going to be over for good. But it came back, at first it was intermittent, a few hours every couple of days and then last week it came back worse than ever. I am still on a waiting list to see a specialist, I have been since August and after talking to the office that sets up the appointments, it will be June before I see someone.
A few weeks ago I had a new memory come back, I had been electrocuted. It was excruciating. During my surgery the doctor found a lot of scar tissue she didn't expect to find. I haven't had any other trauma that would explain it. My doctor said that I feel pain differently than anyone she has treated before. She has never explained what she meant but when I think back there was a lot of pain that I had that I just thought of as normal, I always lived with it and I never considered it pain. It has just been the last year that it got bad enough that I noticed it and needed to be medicated.
That memory of being tortured and the physical repercussions it has had in my life and knowing that no one noticed. Because no one noticed I internalized it and it became my norm.
When the pain gets bad like it had been for the past couple of days, when I can barely get out of bed or feel my hip starting to collapse when I try and stand up. Then I think about the specialist that always seems to be months away. First it was going to be October, then January, then February and now June. It is never going to end. If it is scar tissue it will be ongoing, for the rest of my life. It won't just be the PTSD, it is going to be ongoing physical reminders. What is going to happen when the next flashback hits, what else am I going to remember?
The other day, when I erased what I posted, all I could think of was the pills I had in my cupboard, the ones that I couldn't take because I reacted badly. I was so tired and in so much pain I just wanted relief. I was thinking that was all I had to look forward to. The pain that would only get worse. It has been a year and no one has taught me what to do to manage it. Just wait for the "magical" specialist that keeps getting further away. I have never really thought seriously that I would do anything but it was running through my mind. It scared me.
Oh Venusian, your post made me cry...
I'm so, so sorry. Anything I could say seems inadequate. I know a little, and I mean just a *little*, of your current horror. I have recently uncovered memories of aspects of my own abuse that were previously unknown to me. As part of this recovery, I have learned, both factually and somatically, about physical internal scarring and other injuries, the extent of which I previously was unaware.
And now the pain is real, and it's not going away, and while I am almost sure it's not on the scale you are experiencing, it's still a twisted addition to my world that is affecting me more than I have thus far had the courage to admit to anyone.
And so far, I am too afraid to even try to seea specialist, who probably couldn't help me anyway.
Your pain and frustration are so valid and so real, and if sharing them here in any way that you can, helps to ease them for even a moment, then please please do.
Please be gentle with yourself, it's a gift that you can give to yourself that nobody can take away.
Maddog
I'm so, so sorry. Anything I could say seems inadequate. I know a little, and I mean just a *little*, of your current horror. I have recently uncovered memories of aspects of my own abuse that were previously unknown to me. As part of this recovery, I have learned, both factually and somatically, about physical internal scarring and other injuries, the extent of which I previously was unaware.
And now the pain is real, and it's not going away, and while I am almost sure it's not on the scale you are experiencing, it's still a twisted addition to my world that is affecting me more than I have thus far had the courage to admit to anyone.
And so far, I am too afraid to even try to seea specialist, who probably couldn't help me anyway.
Your pain and frustration are so valid and so real, and if sharing them here in any way that you can, helps to ease them for even a moment, then please please do.
Please be gentle with yourself, it's a gift that you can give to yourself that nobody can take away.
Maddog
Boy, both of you are so, so clear. Venusian, that whole concept on experiencing pain differently, yes, I'd heard about that.My daughter has Crohn's Disease, was born with it and the docs told me to please watch it because you folks DO experience pain in a whole different manner. What would drop a horse is something tolerated by people whose brains have had to figure out what to do with that intensity for so long. They told me to watch it because if she said something hurt, it would mean she'd be in serious trouble. Wow, there's an awful dilema, healing in your head and having to connect the nerve endings or continue unhealed and remain pain-free?
I have an awful time getting in to see the neuro when things go POOF, I know. All you can do is watch the stupid calendar until all the months pass, it's terrible. I have asked to be put on cancellation lists, once in awhile that does work, just rarely. ( Someone depressingly once told me that nope, there IS no list, doc offices just tell you there is to shush you. Not true, sure enough, if you call them you really do get put on a list of patients they call in the event of a cancellation, whew! ) I actually asked my primary doc to please, would he mind being the 'real' doc, kind of the medical clearing house for pretty much everything? I don't WANT so many specialists and it is so disheartening being so far away from help when you're in your position, it's just incredibly helpful to have a doc to go to even if he's not the specialist, They communicate with each other anyway plus there's so much riding on that single appointment in the future, it's good to get some of this stuff down in your records before you get in there. If this is possible, your PC might even be able to figure out a way for your pain meds not to make you sick, or find one which will not. I really hate to frustrate you by offering suggestions which might not even be possible.
A very good friend has a crushed, mangled vertbrae, non-operable. Pain meds make her throat close up plus give her hives. Her PM discovered that she can handle the plain, pure, pain killer and also that if she takes a Benedryl type med she can sometimes take the usual meds. Not Benedryl, it's the allergy med which doesn't make you sleepy. Now, she also is in remission fro leukemia so no idea if interactions from other meds would be at play here.
What a dreadful, awful story, I'm so sorry. You think of scar tissue as being from old operations, or from some darn foolish kid thing we all did tempting death, not the result of a madman on humans, torment inflicted. I can fill in the teeth I'm missing as a result of abuse, daily, hideous pain as a reminder, gosh. Well, just the act of trying to get rid of it would go some way to ensuring that kind of evil did not win. Small comfort sometimes, I guess, it's just that an awful lot of us are just plain here when someone did not wish us to be, bottom line. It's something.
There's a lot of discussion on sympathy v empathy here in the forum. It'd be unnecessary for you, I think. I don't mean to be too personal but you do speak with a ton of dignity, the pain is evident, certainly, just zero pathos. Maddog also. Dreadful, daily pain with unspeakable stories, I hope at least talking about it here feels ok. I'll shush, most folks hate the bejeesis out of compliments. :)
Anyway, even if nothing anyone can offer by way of 'helpful suggestions' is at all relevent, thanks for being here and at least sharing. ((((((((Hugs))))))), if it's not too ouchy today. If it is, I vote we invent the air hug. That'd look like this ((((( hug ))))))))
I have an awful time getting in to see the neuro when things go POOF, I know. All you can do is watch the stupid calendar until all the months pass, it's terrible. I have asked to be put on cancellation lists, once in awhile that does work, just rarely. ( Someone depressingly once told me that nope, there IS no list, doc offices just tell you there is to shush you. Not true, sure enough, if you call them you really do get put on a list of patients they call in the event of a cancellation, whew! ) I actually asked my primary doc to please, would he mind being the 'real' doc, kind of the medical clearing house for pretty much everything? I don't WANT so many specialists and it is so disheartening being so far away from help when you're in your position, it's just incredibly helpful to have a doc to go to even if he's not the specialist, They communicate with each other anyway plus there's so much riding on that single appointment in the future, it's good to get some of this stuff down in your records before you get in there. If this is possible, your PC might even be able to figure out a way for your pain meds not to make you sick, or find one which will not. I really hate to frustrate you by offering suggestions which might not even be possible.
A very good friend has a crushed, mangled vertbrae, non-operable. Pain meds make her throat close up plus give her hives. Her PM discovered that she can handle the plain, pure, pain killer and also that if she takes a Benedryl type med she can sometimes take the usual meds. Not Benedryl, it's the allergy med which doesn't make you sleepy. Now, she also is in remission fro leukemia so no idea if interactions from other meds would be at play here.
What a dreadful, awful story, I'm so sorry. You think of scar tissue as being from old operations, or from some darn foolish kid thing we all did tempting death, not the result of a madman on humans, torment inflicted. I can fill in the teeth I'm missing as a result of abuse, daily, hideous pain as a reminder, gosh. Well, just the act of trying to get rid of it would go some way to ensuring that kind of evil did not win. Small comfort sometimes, I guess, it's just that an awful lot of us are just plain here when someone did not wish us to be, bottom line. It's something.
There's a lot of discussion on sympathy v empathy here in the forum. It'd be unnecessary for you, I think. I don't mean to be too personal but you do speak with a ton of dignity, the pain is evident, certainly, just zero pathos. Maddog also. Dreadful, daily pain with unspeakable stories, I hope at least talking about it here feels ok. I'll shush, most folks hate the bejeesis out of compliments. :)
Anyway, even if nothing anyone can offer by way of 'helpful suggestions' is at all relevent, thanks for being here and at least sharing. ((((((((Hugs))))))), if it's not too ouchy today. If it is, I vote we invent the air hug. That'd look like this ((((( hug ))))))))
Venusian
Big (((((((Hug)))))) Chronic pain and the increase in pain is next to impossible to cope with. The longer it goes the harder it becomes to deal with. I myself used to have a breaking point of 3 weeks now I think it is more like 3 min. Once the severe pain hits I am in hell and can't seem to get out. The pain effects everything.. I had surgery too in hopes of relief and if anything it made my situation worse. I feel like I harm myself when I try help myself. I am so sorry to read that you are experiencing this type of pain. I would not wish such a thing on my worst enemy.
I get to this point regularly and it is very scary. Just anything that might bring me relief. This is so hard. I also think the fact that I hide my pain or used to hide it well did not help anything in the long run. It took severity to seek help and help I am not getting either. Living on pain meds is really not an option in my eyes. I just need to learn how to compartmentalize it somewhere else and keep going i,f you know what I mean.
The waiting is beyond hard as hopelessness starts to set in. It finds crevasses of vulnerability and sets itself in motion. All a very viscous cycle. I can only hope that there is help out there for you. Be proud of the fact that you are seeking it as that is a sign of at least wanting to get better. You have not given up.
I am here if ever you need to talk. You can always PM me. I can hold your hand virtually.
From my pain to yours I am sorry you are living with this.
Big (((((((Hug)))))) Chronic pain and the increase in pain is next to impossible to cope with. The longer it goes the harder it becomes to deal with. I myself used to have a breaking point of 3 weeks now I think it is more like 3 min. Once the severe pain hits I am in hell and can't seem to get out. The pain effects everything.. I had surgery too in hopes of relief and if anything it made my situation worse. I feel like I harm myself when I try help myself. I am so sorry to read that you are experiencing this type of pain. I would not wish such a thing on my worst enemy.
I get to this point regularly and it is very scary. Just anything that might bring me relief. This is so hard. I also think the fact that I hide my pain or used to hide it well did not help anything in the long run. It took severity to seek help and help I am not getting either. Living on pain meds is really not an option in my eyes. I just need to learn how to compartmentalize it somewhere else and keep going i,f you know what I mean.
The waiting is beyond hard as hopelessness starts to set in. It finds crevasses of vulnerability and sets itself in motion. All a very viscous cycle. I can only hope that there is help out there for you. Be proud of the fact that you are seeking it as that is a sign of at least wanting to get better. You have not given up.
I am here if ever you need to talk. You can always PM me. I can hold your hand virtually.
From my pain to yours I am sorry you are living with this.
BlackbirdSinging
Diamond Member
I haven't read all of the posts in this thread.. but.. I want to add something. I get it. I SO get it. I've been in chronic pain everyday for 6 years. It definitely adds to my depression. That can't help my PTSD or my anxiety.
I'm allergic to opiates so pain pills are pretty much out of the question. I use a TENS machine and I moderate my activities. It can be so frustrating. And I want to scream at the next person who tells me that I should get out and do more. If doing more didn't hurt so bad.. maybe I'd do more.. more often. But then my depression kinda kills my desires to be social anyway.
What I do for myself might help you too. I'm not sure since different things work for different people. But I try to find beauty and something to be grateful for everyday. It's not always easy when I'm triggered. But the small and simple things can equal up to a bigger happiness. I try to enjoy my "good" days the best I can. I try to laugh everyday. And I definitely have to baby myself when the pain is really bad.
I feel for you because I know the desperate feeling of "is anything ever going to stop hurting?". It's not easy but thankfully attitude makes a difference. Though I know it's hard to be positive when you feel depressed. But one thing I often say is ..it might be hard but it's not impossible.
I hope you can get some relief. Big hugs to you if you're comfortable receiving them. Either way I hope tomorrow is a better day for you :).
I'm allergic to opiates so pain pills are pretty much out of the question. I use a TENS machine and I moderate my activities. It can be so frustrating. And I want to scream at the next person who tells me that I should get out and do more. If doing more didn't hurt so bad.. maybe I'd do more.. more often. But then my depression kinda kills my desires to be social anyway.
What I do for myself might help you too. I'm not sure since different things work for different people. But I try to find beauty and something to be grateful for everyday. It's not always easy when I'm triggered. But the small and simple things can equal up to a bigger happiness. I try to enjoy my "good" days the best I can. I try to laugh everyday. And I definitely have to baby myself when the pain is really bad.
I feel for you because I know the desperate feeling of "is anything ever going to stop hurting?". It's not easy but thankfully attitude makes a difference. Though I know it's hard to be positive when you feel depressed. But one thing I often say is ..it might be hard but it's not impossible.
I hope you can get some relief. Big hugs to you if you're comfortable receiving them. Either way I hope tomorrow is a better day for you :).
- Post starter
- #9
Thank you, everyone. It feels good to have somebody who understands. I plan on making a better response later when I have some time to write out what I want to say.
It is funny how a couple of days can make a difference, the pain is still there but it isn't debilitating and I don't need pain medication. It just shows me how much it does affect how I feel and think. Blackbirdrising, you are right about the "good days" when I can almost think about a future. I need to use these days to be happy and remember what it is like, then when the "bad days" hit they aren't so bad.
It would be a lot easier knowing what is causing it. When everything I try to do to make my life better just causes more pain and I don't know if I should just push past that initial pain and hope that the work will be beneficial in the end or if it really is making things worse. I need to make a plan but I don't know where to start. I know where I want to go but I don't know how to get there. I guess that is why so many of us are here.
It is funny how a couple of days can make a difference, the pain is still there but it isn't debilitating and I don't need pain medication. It just shows me how much it does affect how I feel and think. Blackbirdrising, you are right about the "good days" when I can almost think about a future. I need to use these days to be happy and remember what it is like, then when the "bad days" hit they aren't so bad.
It would be a lot easier knowing what is causing it. When everything I try to do to make my life better just causes more pain and I don't know if I should just push past that initial pain and hope that the work will be beneficial in the end or if it really is making things worse. I need to make a plan but I don't know where to start. I know where I want to go but I don't know how to get there. I guess that is why so many of us are here.
(((((((Dear Veusian))))))), and all.
I learned years ago from 'SRain' there is such a thing as pain contributing to suicidal ideation. It was an eye-opener to me.
You are very brave and what you feel is normal, and I hope you will always reach out here. I have very little to give, but best wishes from my heart and the sincerest, fervent prayer for a way to fix this for you and relief.
I learned years ago from 'SRain' there is such a thing as pain contributing to suicidal ideation. It was an eye-opener to me.
You are very brave and what you feel is normal, and I hope you will always reach out here. I have very little to give, but best wishes from my heart and the sincerest, fervent prayer for a way to fix this for you and relief.
I'd like to add as an fyi that my doc recently prescribed a cream composed of an awful lot of 'stuff', some of it things which would send me yelping with my tail between me legs into the next county if she wished to give it to me in a pill. It's new-ish, the PM had only just heard of it when the neuro gave it to me. NO narcotic, cool, and truly? It does work, not completely but when you'd like to amputate at the neck just to get rid of some pain, have to say it makes a difference. Now, if there's a large area to cover ( some days.... ) it will send you to Disneyland without leaving the house, you can't overload this stuff. Mickey says hello.
- Post starter
- #12
I keep trying to write here, respond to everyone that has given their support. I appreciate all the ideas and all that everyone has shared.
I am happy to say that I no longer feel like I did a few days ago. I still have pain but nothing like it was. I know it isn't going to last, I know it is going to get bad again. I know that there isn't anything I can do about that. It will come back and keep coming back. I have to hang in until I get some answers. I have to keep remembering that it will pass, I won't always feel like I did. I also have to remember in the good times what it feels like in the bad times. That sounds a little messed up to me but I figure if I remember what the bad times are like when I am in good times I can train my mind to work the opposite way.
It's getting late for me and I don't sleep much so this post may not make sense to anyone but this is still so mixed up in my head that I just need to get it out. It wasn't that many months ago that I could honestly say that it never crossed my mind and I can't say that anymore.
I am scared to take medication, I was on a med a year ago that made me feel suicidal but my mind knew it wasn't real. I knew I couldn't do it. The past couple of months before I even realized what I was thinking, I was making plans. I was thinking about what to do with my cat. I was taking inventory of what was in my cupboard. The crazy part was that only a few hours later I was thinking about taking classes for my career, signing up for art classes or summer vacation. And it all cycled around how bad the pain was at a given moment. I am at the point where I am scared to do anything, to put any strain on myself that would cause the pain to flare up again. But even just sitting can do that so why am I scared to move?
I am rambling, so I will stop now. I really am in a good place right now, just trying to understand what it is that is rattling around my brain. Most of the time I try and think and respond logically but sometimes I just can't see it.
I am happy to say that I no longer feel like I did a few days ago. I still have pain but nothing like it was. I know it isn't going to last, I know it is going to get bad again. I know that there isn't anything I can do about that. It will come back and keep coming back. I have to hang in until I get some answers. I have to keep remembering that it will pass, I won't always feel like I did. I also have to remember in the good times what it feels like in the bad times. That sounds a little messed up to me but I figure if I remember what the bad times are like when I am in good times I can train my mind to work the opposite way.
It's getting late for me and I don't sleep much so this post may not make sense to anyone but this is still so mixed up in my head that I just need to get it out. It wasn't that many months ago that I could honestly say that it never crossed my mind and I can't say that anymore.
I am scared to take medication, I was on a med a year ago that made me feel suicidal but my mind knew it wasn't real. I knew I couldn't do it. The past couple of months before I even realized what I was thinking, I was making plans. I was thinking about what to do with my cat. I was taking inventory of what was in my cupboard. The crazy part was that only a few hours later I was thinking about taking classes for my career, signing up for art classes or summer vacation. And it all cycled around how bad the pain was at a given moment. I am at the point where I am scared to do anything, to put any strain on myself that would cause the pain to flare up again. But even just sitting can do that so why am I scared to move?
I am rambling, so I will stop now. I really am in a good place right now, just trying to understand what it is that is rattling around my brain. Most of the time I try and think and respond logically but sometimes I just can't see it.
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