General Collateral Visit?

[Jawn]

Jen I found this site well after I finally found out what the diagnosis was and that's only because of my own initiative. And yes, this site has been great in my education and the recommendations here are why I got my own T. If I had not found this site and gotten a T, I'm not sure what shape I would be in right now. I fully believe that the initial education, even if it's just a pamphlet, should have come from the medical professional making the diagnosis.

If my wife had been left out in the cold about my diabetes and then I had a low blood sugar it would really suck because she would have no clue as to what the problem was or how to help me. And in that case I could die while waiting for paramedics to arrive, when she simply could have made me drink a glass of juice or worst case jabbed me with a shot of Glucagon. Having the doctor give her a pamphlet or a 5 minute overview on things to watch for is very beneficial to my life. Well, not these days I guess. If she then chose to search the net or read books, etc. that education would be up to her. However, the initial education, in whatever form, should have come from the doctor or diabetes educator. That is NOT an invasion of privacy. It has NOTHING to do with what is discussed in consultations and such, it's just the 50,000 foot overview of the condition.

 

[Jawn]

Thanks Jen. Hugs back to you. Hey, who knew you hugged big hairy apes! ;)

Jawn

 

[Jawn]

dandi you summed up what I was trying to say, but in a much clearer fashion.

Thanks,

Jawn

 

[Deleted member 5760]

I completely agree Jawn and I applaud you for educating yourself. I guess some people are just freakin ignorant arent they? I do think we have to set a lil distinguishing factor between mental and physical illnesses though. For the sake of common sense.

Because I can tell you right now (and I only speak for me) - if I had a broken arm I would not be embarrassed that i couldn't throw the ball. In fact, I'd probably be like a kid at school having everyone sign their plaster cast.

The fact it's my mind that's a tad 'broken' - yes, I find it embarrassing and not treated the same way as something like diabetes in terms of 'attached stigma'. Maybe that's part of why people with a mental illness tend to withdraw and not have everyone jump out and 'sign their cast'.

 

[catjudo]

But the two really aren't treated differently by the medical professional/therapist. Yes, Jawn, it was important for your doctor and/or diabetes educator to share information with your wife. But the fact of the matter is...I believe I remember that you live in the USA and can only speak to the rules/laws here...they would not have been able to say ONE WORD to her had you not consented (and that consent can be as simple as you saying you want your wife to hear some of what they are telling you, it doesn't necessarily need to be something formal or complicated). The same is true in her case. Even though you're not asking to be privy to private thoughts or specific issues, her therapist CANNOT say ONE WORD to you about treatment plans, diagnosis, what to look out for, NOTHING...without your wife's consent. That's just the way the law works in this country.

Also, please know that I'm not trying to attack you or get you upset. I agree with the importance of the spouse receiving some information but to be upset with the therapist is directing your frustration at the wrong person. ONLY your wife can control what/if the therapist discusses anything with you. Since your wife has not permitted that, you did the next best thing and found a therapist of your own. While your therapist may not know specifics about your wife's case, he/she can answer general questions for you. And until (when/if) such a time as your wife allows her therapist the speak to you, unfortunately that's the best it's going to get.

As to the original posters question...if you're in the USA, sorry I don't know about other countries...I'm sure your spouse's therapist would be more than happy to answer some questions and provide general information if your spouse asks them to. If your spouse doesn't/won't consent to this then you'll have to get your information elsewhere. But like I said to Jawn, your frustration in that case would need to be with your spouse, not the therapist. They are only performing their job within the confines of the law.

 

[Tinyflame]

I coulld be wrong, but what I am 'hearing' here possibly is frustration at wanting to (but not knowing how) to support someone you love with ptsd and to know how and what to do that is most effective for your relationship and family.

Perhaps if it can be 'open information' between spouses that the diagnosis is ptsd, the biggest source of information is such as is found here, one of the biggest sources of support is a therapist for the 'Carer', and one of the biggest forms of consolation and relief is to have their 'sufferer' when they are ready discuss it with their spouse as to what works best for them and between them, specifically. But the sufferer has to understand that much about themself and be ready to verbalize it, too. And the timing has to be right, and non-confrontational/ not an added form of stress.

 

[Jawn]

Well what I am hearing, and maybe I'm off base, is that only the sufferer matters and the rest of their family does not. They can be left in the dark wondering what the hell is wrong with them and how can I deal with them? Just doesn't seem right as they suffer too. I can see why this approach protects the sufferer, but I believe it also leads to many other problems that could be avoided simply by handing a carer a pamphlet. No wonder so many PTSD relationships fail because the "other" members of the family are ignored.

OK, I'm going to let this one go now........

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Jawn, that is very kind, because I have never thought of someone actually 'wanting' to be that supportive- or surviving it out to do/ be so. I think it's the (medical) system. But I believe you are correct: anything that affects a couple or a family is therefore a couple or family-issue or 'disease' if you will. And yes, I totally agree- it's like fighting-against-the-tide to survive it. I guess that's why carer's write books- or should. I think everyone needs to hear and acknowledge their perspectives and concerns, and oddly enough (or perhaps it's not odd at all) that it is hearing that perspective that helps a sufferer most, because it's a lot easier to get-out-of-yourself or be more 'aware' of your behaviour when someone you love or is affected expresses themself or gives you feedback.

And especially when so much is wrapped-up around fear, or in the suffer's case 'hiding' (what they're thinking, what they're feeling, what they've done, what's been done to them, lack of coping, shame, etc).

 

[Tinyflame]

(The Diabetes-analogy is good too, because if someone is unconscious you can still test their blood sugar- it may be too low or too high- provided you know they're Diabetic and have the tools).-

 

[Deleted member 5760]

I think we can just safely say that everyone is different. Jawn my diary on the last site was very important to me in the healing process. It was also always a private diary.There are some people on this site who prefer to have a public diary and they find that healing. I always wanted to keep my case private. Had it not been private it would not have been written. If my appointments with my T were 'open for public viewing' I wouldn't go to them. It's absolutely essential to the therapy process that everything is strictly confidential.

Also, again I'm just going to speak for me - I would begin to feel a little harrassed if someone pushed and pushed to be privy to everything about my life. They wouldn't get their way. My reaction would be to distance myself more and more from that person as I would, as I said, begin to feel harrassed. I'm sure we're all familiar with the important of 'space' in a PTSD case. Believe it or not, when I read your thread 'Big Shock Tonight', yes, I feel badly for you.

But quite oten my thought is 'I hope his wife is ok and getting HER support too'.

 

[becvan]

For those who do not know me, I am both a sufferer and a carer (my son has PTSD) however I am on this site as a sufferer.

Now as for this matter, let me give you an example. Jane Doe has just found out she has HIV. She has to take medications, watch what she does, what she uses etc. Her family (as in spouse, children, parents, sibllings whomever would be Jane Doe's family) are automatically given a pamplet outlining what she has and the basics of what that is and what needs to be done, without her permission. This is done on the basis that she does not live in a vacumm and her family is also part of her health care.

Now, I'm sure you can all imagine both very negative and very positive responses from said family members here. It could get ugly, it could be helpful.

My point in this little story is that a therapist handing out ANY INFORMATION WHATSOEVER, without the express permission of the patient, violates patient privacy. In many cases, this could actually endanger the patient! I am using HIV for a reason. Cancer is something we all understand, same with Diabetes. It's a medical condition. HIV, however, has a huge stigma attached which is the same for any mental illness.

Handing out an automatic pamphlet on another persons medical conditions is not only an invasion of privacy but could in fact endanger the persons life and/or recovery. What if that person with PTSD was a wife of a abuser and the PTSD was caused by the abuse of said Husband? What if he read that and murdered her because of it? (yes I know extreme. I'm just trying to point this out)

I completely understand the NEED to have information on PTSD and to learn what to expect, how to deal with it and what to watch for. However, doing so at the dignity, privacy and safety of PTSD patients is NOT THE WAY TO GO.

When my son was diagnosed he was only nine years old. However, I made sure that the therapist, my son and myself had a deal. I was only told what I needed to know medically and for school purposes, everything else was completely up to my son. To this day I have no idea what took place in therapy or what they covered. He needed that privacy in order to heal. As his parent I did my very best to provide him with the same level of privacy I recieve in my care and therapy.

In the other posters examples, the lack of information is due to the patient. The PTSD patient can, at any time, ask for information for their spouses/family or for a meeting with all members.

Please try to remember that the world is bigger than just us. Some of these issues are arising because we haven't thought of the big picture. The fact that information against your sufferer's wishes may not have harmed them, doesn't mean it won't seriously harm the next sufferer. That laws are in place to protect us, for a good reason.

bec

 

[Jawn]

I completely understand the NEED to have information on PTSD and to learn what to expect, how to deal with it and what to watch for. However, doing so at the dignity, privacy and safety of PTSD patients is NOT THE WAY TO GO.

So instead we let the PTSD person completely destroy their relationships with friends, family, spouse/partner, etc. when it could be avoided? What about the case when PTSD shows up decades later and does NOT involve anyone currently in the sufferers life? To me it seems the only relationships that survive are due to carers that are so tenacious that they do not give up.

I appreciate your comments bec because they do help me understand both sides of the argument. If I had been my wife's abuser then certainly I should have been kept in the dark and they should have even helped her to leave. But seriously, why should I be left in the dark on how I can help/support my sufferer for something that happened (guessing here) about 40 yrs ago? (20+ yrs before I even met her) I get your point though that what might work in my situation wouldn't work for everyone.

bec, I doubt very many people really understand diabetes or the different types of diabetes. Pretty much everyday I run into people who try to tell me how to deal with my diabetes and they are so far off base it isn't even funny. They don't have a clue, but they think they know everything because their grandma had it or something. And telling them that I write articles for diabetes magazines and take part in clinical trials for new treatments doesn't phase them because they still know more than me in their mind.

OK, off my soap box and I'm going to try and ignore this thread now.

Jawn