General Collateral Visit?

[Tinyflame]

Dear jenkins,

I've heard carers express before in essence that as their 'sufferer' heals they will be left behind, so to speak, but I think the aim (and hopefully reality) is that as one heals, and becomes more responsible for an active role in their recovery, they will inherently (and otherwise) start to recognize and want healthy things, relationships and a way of living that reflects that, and they will choose that and also try to make amends where feasible.

I think that carers should never wonder or doubt if the previous help they have given or standing by and thru everything with their sufferer will be forgotten, healthier their sufferer will be very thankful for the lack of blame and their carer's stability and forgiveness.

 

[cherryblossom]

I have read this thread with interest (even though I'm single and live on my own - sufferer, not carer, for those that don't know me).
The type of session that Joy described sounds absolutely ideal to me. (I hope it goes/went well for you?)

I also understand your frustration Jawn, but I think it would be pretty hard to write a 'guide', (for want of a better word), or for a psych doc to spend a short time telling you 'how to deal with your spouses PTSD', when they are first diagnosed. I only say this, because although PTSD, is PTSD, and there are common traits, I think the effects and symptoms are different for all of us. It's a very individual thing. For me, my worst symptoms are anxiety and depression, with little to no anger issues. For someone else anger might be their main issue or symptom. Also my symptoms tend to fade in and out. Sometimes I want to be left alone, other times I need constant re-assurance. I think any brief guide to PTSD, would be exactly that - too brief to necessarily be of much benefit. To be honest, the best person to tell you how to manage their PTSD is the sufferer themselves, but it's not always easy for us to verbalise our needs.

This is why I think Joy's situation is ideal. The therapist has got to know her husband, and he has agreed to the session. They can discuss her husbands symptoms specifically and how best she can help him.

Having said all that I just want to say, that I think all carers of PTSD sufferers are completely amazing. Any PTSD sufferer, who has a carer, who is here, trying to learn and help them, is very lucky. I totally understand that 'we' can be a complete nightmare to live with (probably why I live on my own ;)), and all you carers are so patient and loving.

 

[dandi]

Wow, this thread got lively at one point! I was traveling at the time and completely missed it. What an interesting discussion! I can see the point of those who were against allowing collateral visits. It would just be nice if counselors offered a general informative session for carers, completely independent from any specific cases. As someone on the periphery of PTSD, it's often frustrating to try and sort through things. For example: I just got back from a 5-day business trip. The house was a mess, my husband had lived off ice cream cones and fast food all week, been up every night and slept every day, missed class and therapy, spent a bunch of money we don't have, and even gone through my office and found (and drunk) a bottle of soda I'd bought and "reserved" to celebrate my first day back. Gah! If he was healthy, I'd tell him his behavior was not OK. But the PTSD makes it harder to have any expectations or even a healthy argument. If I tell him I'm upset about any of these things, he turns it into "Get off my back. I'm sick." I wish there was a manual delineating what part of it is the PTSD and what part is just normal "jerk" behavior that we all engage in sometimes but that we should be called out on.

Well, while "my" collateral visit isn't going to happen at least for now, I did finally get up the nerve today to call my husband's T, introduce myself and ask him for resources for carers in the area. (I'd called the front desk before, and they'd had no idea what I was even talking about. Love it. "Nah, my husband has the PTSD, but it doesn't affect me at all..." :roll:) I used to think that even calling him about something like this was out of line, but everyone I mentioned it to was surprised I hadn't already done so. I also asked him if I could call him if any symptoms ever seemed absolutely alarming. Sometimes that doesn't seem so far away.

He said I could, and gave me some names of counselors and of an organization in the region. I've already left a message with one of the counselors. We'll see. I feel a little better just having taken that first step. Hopefully a counselor can give me a better idea of how far reasonable expectations should go, what is typical of PTSD, where I need to let off, etc.

(Btw it is good to be home and see his face! :-) Just wish I could have seen more of it today.)