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Colloquialisms

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A couple eggs shy of a dozen. As bright as a ten watt bulb, not the sharpest knife in the drawer, as sharp as a bowling ball.
Can't find his way out of a paper bag, not the sharpest tool in the shed, not the brightest crayon in the box, not the quickest bunny in the forest, not the brightest bulb in the lamp or brightest bulb in the pack, one fry short of a Happy Meal, missing a few buttons on his remote, the light is on....but nobody's home,
 
The old people used to say You don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground, which means stupid broadly and more specifically, unable to see the plain truth right in front of you. You can’t see the nose on your face, is a very similar expression.
 
To keel over means croak or drop dead and to be on an even keel means to be ok. I realized I said these things before becoming nautical not knowing what a keel was.

To be ass over teakettle means upside down, and is a euphemism for (something I just forgot). If I remember I’ll add it.
 
Everything went south. This means went to hell or down the gurgler in the Australian I believe. I think the origin is biblical but it seems no one is sure.
 
Never seen the likes of you. I guess it means likeness as in a picture. You’ve never seen anything like me before.
 
You’re sh*t out of luck. I’m not sure why we said it like that? It’s vulgar enough! It worse than bad luck. It means “you’re screwed”.
 
The old people used to say You don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground, which means stupid broadly and more specifically, unable to see the plain truth right in front of you. You can’t see the nose on your face, is a very similar expression.
Can't see the forest for the trees.....same meaning.
 
Airing the family linen in public. Means you don’t discuss the family business. I know the abusers do this but in non abusive families, if there is any such thing, I agree. Private family business and things between couples are private.
 
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