Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Lol. Idiots

:hug:

 

[somerandomguy]

Is it bad to have urges to visit porn forums that have to do with your abuse?

I still do this, so we're in the same boat at least.

I've talked with my T about it because I felt a lot of guilt about it. She was unconcerned.

 

[littleoc]

That’s good go know, thank you @somerandomguy

 

[littleoc]

I had a disturbing dream. About the dude. It seems the more I bring up him and the dog, the more disturbing dreams I have. :/

BUT I also had a dream that I had two cockatiels. I keep having that one. I’m a middle schooler in that dream and her cage is still in the corner where my bed is now. It’s kind of a fun dream.

 

[littleoc]

I can’t believe my little dinosaur is going to be 12 years old next year!

Have I told y’all specifically yet (it’s in my diary somewhere but I am not expecting you to go look for it) that my cockatiel was hatched on my birthday in 2007? So when I’m 24 she’ll turn half my age! It’ll require a celebration!! ? @bellbird dont read anything else in this diary right but this fact is partially for your enjoyment, lol

Also, ways to phrase Thanksgiving to make kids think it’s awesome and less stressful: Time to cook the dinosaur c:<

Avian dinosaurs never went extinct, but I bet the other dinos were good friends too ?

Fun fact: The reason dinosaurs could be significantly bigger than mammals, despite mammals taking over the same niches, is because mammals are warm blooded. Dinosaurs’ cells weren’t literally cooking themselves once past a certain internal volume, but an elephant will do that. (Unless in cold water, then you can get as big as a whale!)

Funner fact (funner is not a word, by the way): Before dinosaurs, there were giant amphibians in the sane biological niches

Before those, even weirder stuff! Earth was not the same planet back then

 

[littleoc]

My therapist does know about the synesthesia. I remember now. She said it’s affecting how I’m hearing words. She was explaining to me that I can’t expect people not to say words of a certain color because they can’t sense that. I was wondering if she was protecting herself in case she said words that were too powerful. We talked about it before an EMDR session. I lied to her about something to protect Brandi and to protect myself when Brandi would hear about the session later. To practice for when she’d be present for the next session.

She did not come to the session.

 

[littleoc]

What happened is too difficult to remember. It’s like there’s something physically lodged in my brain preventing me from getting it. It’s painful.

 

[littleoc]

How did my newt die?

 

[littleoc]

Sorrel the hedgehog?

 

[littleoc]

I must be asking my brain the wrong questions. It knows something I don’t.

 

[littleoc]

I think I better take a break



My bird is talking more!! She must be feeling better. She sucks at talking and doesn’t usually care enough to try, lol

 

[littleoc]

If I have to respect people saying weird words in weird phrases, then people should respect my inability to tell the sizes of things. Ain't my fault. :p They already forgive me for not recognizing them (their faces) well, though. I try to not talk about it too much though.