Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

At least he had a face. He didn’t deserve it. Some people puke through a hole in their face because their esophagus thing doesn’t exist anymore. Just a bloody flesh hole.

 

[littleoc]

I’m sorry. I’m venting. I’m way too overwhelmed. I was just trying to eat.

 

[somerandomguy]

:hug:
With you littleoc.

 

[littleoc]

Thank you. :hug:

I got something to eat. I was on a medication that was preventing flashbacks. I was doing REALLY well without it. I’m not so sure my therapist can really help me with this. It doesn’t feel right to bring it up.

 

[somerandomguy]

I think it's worth it to ask. There's nothing wrong with bringing it up. Really.

 

[littleoc]

That makes sense.

Also,

Yeah, you really should move out. :hug:

I know you said that like almost three months ago, but I agree now. I was worried about bills, and Xavier and Slinky and my mom being unable to take out the trash for some reason (neuropathy), but yeah, I’ll figure it out. I can’t stay here.

 

[somerandomguy]

You really, really can't. If you're not sure what to do, we'll brainstorm with you. You'll get out soon.

 

[littleoc]

Maybe not as my twin’s neighbor. Julie has control issues. She was telling my twin brother when my mom went to the restroom to not laugh at my mom’s jokes because “you encourage children by only laughing at what you would have them say.” And she told me I’d “mature” soon when I told my twin brother not to kill a ladybug. And she keeps telling me she wants to give me girly clothes so I’ll learn how to “act like a woman.” And didn’t want to come to the Thanksgiving Dinner because “there are too many bad influences there.” Aka she couldn’t control everyone. She was sitting there trying to “teach lessons” to my mom about how bad children exist and should be punished. It was really creepy. I ignored it last night but today it’s really bothering me. I wish my twin had had therapy growing up. The court should have required it. They didn’t even send my dad to prison for anything. Not for attempted murder, nor for child endangerment. Nothing. It infuriates me. He got off scot-free. If that’s the correct phrase.

My twin’s wife also keeps claiming that the hoarding problem is a “moral issue” that happens when you “let the Devil in.” There is seriously something wrong with her. I would like to keep my distance. She denied Phip the right to go see a movie with me unless “he schedules with” her “in advanced” so that’s a bad sign anyway. And her making us comfortable with eating her food she isnt eating. Strangely calculated, especially for someone who is trying to “train” my mom’s behavior right in front of me. It’s so creepy.

Anyway. Thank you, @somerandomguy. I should really ask my grandparents for assistance. I am just afraid to. I’m afraid of getting my mom into trouble.

 

[bellbird]

I should really ask my grandparents for assistance. I am just afraid to.

Are there any plans/steps we can put in place to help reduce that fear?

:hug:

 

[littleoc]

Flipping pancakes.

 

[littleoc]

@bellbird, let me think on that a moment.

 

[littleoc]

Are there any plans/steps we can put in place to help reduce that fear?

I don't think so. I think I will skirt around the issue.

If asked, I could say that my mom has a therapist and that we were going to do work this fall but now it might be delayed until next winter.

But then she may send texts to my mom reminding her to put stuff aside for her son.

So maybe I will call and just say that I wanted to move out and I want financial advice. That way they can give me advice and plans with what I do have, and if they feel generous then they can help but they won't be pressured to by any means. They are old enough to know how finances work so they probably could help me. After my mom destroyed my credit score, I managed to get it back and now am in full control of my medical bills. They excused me from several thousand dollars because they were from when I was a young child -- and court says that my dad was supposed to be responsible for those bills -- and from when I was a teenager, from when my mom was supposed to be paying my bills. That poor hospital.