Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Nestle is so dirty from laying on the floor that my OCD won’t let her touch me. I can’t pet her. The blanket she’s laying on is disgusting. I don’t know what to do. I want to disappear.

I spent $4000 on things to keep me occupied and it didn’t fix anything. It just put me behind on being able to move out. I don’t even remember spending it. I don’t even though if my identity was stolen. Does it matter at this point?

 

[littleoc]

I’m fat now too.

 

[littleoc]

The pedophle could come back at any time he wants. He just stood in the yard and stared at me and the police wouldn’t come and my mom wouldn’t explain anything.

 

[littleoc]

He was just standing there staring and I wouldn’t let my dog outside and my mom asked me if I was sure that man had hurt me and I am sick of having to defend myself all the time. It’s not even worth if

 

[littleoc]

Why didn’t he put me out of my misery? I could have died thinking someone actually loved me enough to put me first. Now I’m scared of toilets and afraid to let my dog lay on me even though it’s her services dog task

She shouldn’t have to do this anymore

 

[littleoc]

I hate myself for all those posts. I’m just here nevause im too afraid of being spied on to cal a hotline. I’ll stop now. Sorry, I’m fine. I’m always okay.just very very triggered. No worries.

 

[littleoc]

I really hate toilets.

 

[littleoc]

I’m good now. Just needed to rant, I’m sorry. Don’t mean to be so negative. I don’t actually want to die. Just can’t live like this.

 

[somerandomguy]

Oh @littleoc. You can do this.

You have to get out of there. Have you talked to anyone on campus yet?

When you feel like that, maybe you should call 911. At least if nothing else it would get you out of that damn house.

i hope you're asleep.

 

[Kubash16]

I’m with SRG, I really think you need to bug the college and see if there is anything you can get into, or even HUD, see if there is anything your Human Resources office can guide you to. They will at least know what all your county/state can do.

When you are feeling this bad is there anyway you do like SRG said and call 911? Get yourself admitted for a few days so you have a bit of a break from the house and from life.

 

[DharmaGirl]

This is a good time for HUD. They will probably have apts. open and they are CHEAP! They won't take chickens though. I agree with @Kubash16, next time call 911. I was scared for you. You should also post here if that helps. Don't nag yourself about that, it's ok.

 

[Freida]

Oh hun I'm so sorry I came in late -- but you don't deserve any of this! You are a wonderful caring amazing person, and considering what you've been up against in your young life that is just astonishing. You are in a terrible position right now -- but it is temporary. We will look back on this part of your life someday and think -- wow you were one tough kid.

I agree, call 911 next time. If they have a crisis team they can send them to you and they will work with you on a plan.
I know we talked about calling a woman's DV shelter a while back - but I can't remember if you have done that? yes huh, what you are going thru counts as domestic violence.

I wonder was this a reaction by the part of you that is always on guard because you were getting a plan in place to reach out for help (grandparents ,synagogue, college etc) I can't imagine how scared that part of you must be. I mean, you have a history of reaching out and being ignored. But you are tougher than you know --- and you know that while it might take a while to find the person to help you -- they will

You can do this.
You ARE doing this
I have faith in your ability to escape this situation and go forward into a wonderful life -- with lots of animals :) :hug: