Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

They aren’t literally all that, I’m exaggerating, lol

 

[littleoc]

Anyway, I do believe Brandi (Remi?) really did freeze up, because her (I’m just going to say her unless I find out for sure otherwise, it’s not like it matters since she’ll never read this or hear me talk about her) anxiety was starting to make her pretty... crazy. Not really sure how else to say that. I haven’t really talked about that much in this diary but it was spooky. I tried to gently encourage her to go to therapy and it almost worked.

I’m still sure Brandi was going to come out manipulative and etc anyway (I’m not necessarily judging, I guess), but it really annoys me that her mom didn’t treat her better and get her some help when the chance was there. I mean, Kim went to therapy, used Brandi as a therapist, and took Brandi to talk about Kim’s brain in Kim’s therapst’s office. It would make sense to make sure your kid who you were never home for was okay, generally. Kim was pretty abusive. Kids don’t deserve to put up with abuse like that. I witnessed some weird stuff while I was living with Brandi.

 

[Freida]

was starting to make her pretty... crazy.

uhmmm.... I think she started that way. She was crazy all along - you were probably the only reason she was able to function at all -- because abusing you gave her an outlet for her insanity and made her feel better. No matter what it cost you.

 

[somerandomguy]

Could you have roommates? That would significantly lower the price of an apartment.

 

[littleoc]

I found some low income housing that might work. I’ll call them at some point. I’m tempted, again, to not save for long but instead to just all them and get on a list. I should probably wait at least two months. Maybe three. I really need to get out of here though.

 

[littleoc]

Why am I so depressed? It’s frustrating.

 

[littleoc]

I don’t even know if there’s a point. Will moving out even help anything?

 

[Chris-duck]

don’t even know if there’s a point. Will moving out even help anything?

I do think it'll help. I don't think it'd solve everything but it'd remove one massive stressor and also a trigger from your daily life. It won't be a magic fix it stick but might remove enough stress so you can start to focus on other things and feel more able to cope :hug:

 

[littleoc]

I might just be lonely? Maybe I should meet some friends or something.

 

[Chris-duck]

I might just be lonely? Maybe I should meet some friends or something.

Sounds like a good idea :)

 

[littleoc]

I do think it'll help. I don't think it'd solve everything but it'd remove one massive stressor and also a trigger from your daily life. It won't be a magic fix it stick but might remove enough stress so you can start to focus on other things and feel more able to cope :hug:

That seems reasonable. I know that happiness does not equal success. I was definitely happier before moving in here. I keep getting frustrated that I can’t just be thankful for what I do have. I think maybe I’ve also got too much going on.

Earlier when I was meeting with my manager I was back to my old self. Making the other new hires (kids) more comfortable by introducing them to each other, being comfortable, etc. It was as soon as I got back in my car that the depression hit me again. I’m trying to analyze it from every angle because I still feel like I’m missing something?

And yes, I’m gonna go see a movie, I think. Seems chill enough :)

 

[Ronin]

Maybe I should meet some friends or something.

That, and also move.

In: Both & all care for yourself you can manage.

You dont need to be thankful for life that stresses you out, changing it and talking about it is fairly go.