Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[Freida]

Yay!

I'm very excited for you! This is huge!

 

[littleoc]

Thank you!

She’s backed out a bit, though, but I’m still happy anyway lol :P

 

[littleoc]

Nah, she’s backed out. I think we’ll be great friends, though! I’m really happy to know I’m very over Brandi at this point. My brain seems to treat her birthday as a trauma anniversary date, so I’m planning on meeting up with this person then so that I’ll be having fun and not noticing the day much! That worked last year. My brain has been chill lately so I think it’ll still work!

I went to my grandparents house today and it was great. Yoga got canceled tonight, though, so I’m sitting at the gas station. My brain had a bad day today but no one noticed! Just Scottie, because I didn’t come get him (but he knew I wouldn’t because I texted him saying so)

The tornado watch left me with bad dreams, but it was nice to nap.

In a video game I have maxed out my character in something!! ....gardening. Lol. My deer and dragon have a lot of flowers now

 

[Freida]

I’m really happy to know I’m very over Brandi at this point.

me too!!!!

In a video game I have maxed out my character in something!! ....gardening. Lol. My deer and dragon have a lot of flowers now

Ok that is funny!

 

[littleoc]

Ok that is funny!

Thanks ? It’s a guess-then-memorize-a-pattern thing that results in taking care of baby plants, then selling flowers... not them point of the game, but whatever!

 

[littleoc]

So I mentioned that I went to my grandparents’ house today — I forgot to mention the thing I wanted to say about it. Which is that my grandparents were talking about how it wrecked my dad to not be able to take in a kitten so my grandpa gave in and let him.

Only bothers me because it has me worrying again that my dad isnt a psychopath, but rather a very ill person who does have a heart deep down. Which, to me, means that if I don’t give him a chance, I’m hurting him.

Strange, maybe, but valid, I guess. It could be that he wanted to own a kitten, I guess, but my youth was filled with cats. So I don’t know. I might never know.

 

[somerandomguy]

Um ... He kept you in a cage. I could go on, but that's really all I need to make the point.

 

[Ronin]

No Lil, even if he weren't a psychopath... he was still a psycho.

And abuser. And dangerous to you. Is.

He made the kind of choices that, even considered, make him risk for life. And then acted on that horrific ideation. Repeatedly. No one making him to.

It, also, isn't how Dad is supposed to act.

I can think of very very few situations where putting your own child to a cage could be a non psycho, still trying to act as a protective parent, thing... and none of them involve the parent making the same choice after. Or acting as if all is well, forget and do what I say.

Which is what your Dad been doing, and isn't okay.

So yes. I totally grok the confusion and stomach turning doubt this might spark.

But reality?
Your Dad isn't a good person, safe for you.
You aren't wronging him, in the wrong, nor owing him.

 

[Freida]

What did he do with the kitten once he had it? Abuse? Caged? Practice for how he would treat people? Remember, there is always more to the story and your grandparents seem to sugar coat stuff whenever they can.

 

[littleoc]

Okay, true. True. He let the kitten have kittens of her own so he could take them away too soon so s/he could be the mom. Despite everyone warning him that this would negatively affect the kittens or even risk their lives. He actually told me about that once. While I was talking about how he never housed any reptile right and also neglecting them, which is why they were dying.

He explains our situation as “I didn’t like children and I don’t believe they are human yet until they are five” and I sure as f*ck wouldn’t marry a man/woman like that, wtf mom? Lol

Thanks, y’all.

 

[littleoc]

My brain seems to take, about, one week delay to process things lately. Sometimes more. I’m JUST NOW ready to tell y’all about finding my mom in shock in the bathroom but now it’s barely relevant.

Why is my brain this slow? It’d be fine if I were immortal.

Speaking of which, why is it five am? I was planning to go to bed at midnight ??‍

 

[littleoc]

Last week Scottie and I cleaned out a spot my dad used to put us as toddlers when we misbehaved. It’s a section under the stairs. The floor is cat litter. No one has cleaned it. I didn’t let Scottie touch it for fear that he’d be in there. Very toddler thought.