Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

littleoc

Sponsor
PTSD hell hit me outta nowhere. Lived, though. Didn’t even stress eat this time.

Really anxious though. Still have the urge to look for immediate cures. Sometimes you just have bad weeks.

I checked the history of this diary and found that the September of 2018 I was so stressed that a psychiatrist took me off the antidepressant and advised me me to seek a therapist’s immediate help. September of 2019 I didn’t have time to do anything, was taking care of my mom. Was happy that things were getting more stable.

Only thing I can think of is Shay’s death, on the 11th. I think there’s something else though. I keep having flashbacks. Cleaning my room and having a bedroom is exciting!! But also somehow triggering things. I’ve gotten tired of sharing the memories because I feel like I should not have to by now. Kinda just tired.

I bet I’ll feel a lot less anxious if I can get some sleep. I had way too many nightmares last night to sleep. Sleep deprivation is, as I’m finally accepting, a giant factor in anxiety problems.
 

littleoc

Sponsor
I try to avoid caffeine! I drank it a loooot in high school but then finally quit it — so at least I have that going for me. :)

Also, I think I may have found a good roommate option. So that may help with moving out :)

Sorry for the sudden pause, I was worried my snake got mites and also this month is hard on the PTSD. Therapist is proud of me though — I’ve been doing REALLY well :)

Despite being up all night. Gonna go to bed now. It’s 7:30am. Gotta fix this, but I wanted to make sure all trash was out for pickup and also bathe my snake again

My new class begins today. I had a month off. It was nice to relax a little
 

littleoc

Sponsor
Thanks, y’all :)

And I’ve been pretty well, actually! All things considered. I’ve started trying to eat healthy again because it didn’t used to be hard for me until that last head injury so now’s a great time to get back into it :) minus not being able to go to gyms because of Covid lol

Gonna post a text convo in a minute here from what happened today though because I’m now too tired to type it out lol
 

littleoc

Sponsor
This one is for the mods. Just to say my friend was okay with me posting this:
8F0DD41C-7EF9-4B6F-A697-3D0974C10F1E.jpeg


Heads up that the next page may take a loooooooong time to load on mobile. Just skip it, it’s more for me than you <3
 
Top