Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

She looks different when she’s serious


She likes to sunbathe

 

[littleoc]

Useless fun facts not related to trauma (I’m hoping for another day off from trauma):

Those clovers in the picture that N are laying on? Those come from three or four individuals. Their connecting body is below the soil, but it looks like a long root. Scientists are still trying to figure out how the roots know up from down, because even in the lab they won’t make a mistake. They grow with serious purpose. My professor set up a staircase of patted soil and watched as the root actually followed the stair structure to put a little three-leafed stem at the very tippy top. The ones in this picture are competing for space, and possibly trying to oufower each other. Each bunch is actually hundreds of tiny flowers, not a single flower. These plants never waste space!

 

[LuckiLee]

Speaking of clover... J's Mom can spot a four leaf clover from a mile away. She finds them all the time. One day I was sitting on the grass searching around for one. Just passing time. She comes up and plops' down and says " oh, here's a four leaf clover". I've been searching my whole life for ONE and she's found at least five that I know of. She's like the clover whisper. Lol

What's her trick? Do you know? Is the four leafed one in particular area of the "plant? What gives?

I bet your girl was the cutest puppy. All those cute little spots everywhere.

 

[Swift]

She's amazingly gorgeous.
And I love your random plant facts!

 

[littleoc]

And I love your random plant facts!

Yay! :D

And thank you too!

@LuckiLee My mom does that too! It drives me crazy! lol. She even found one on my graduation day. She’s found seven- and nine-leaf clovers, but usually she finds the five-leafed before those crazy ones.

I have no idea how she does it, but she says she loves picking out patterns. She’s also a great proofreader. I bet it’s the way she sees things? No idea! People like that are possible aliens :P

 

[Freida]

love her! she is adorable

Actually, I can accept that.

This just made my day!

 

[littleoc]

[edited to remove, sorry, just about a deleted post above and is now out of context]

Also I have EMDR on Sunday. My therapist finally texted me back today. What’s it been, like two weeks? :p

Anyway, despite noon being as dark as midnight today, it was a lovely day

 

[littleoc]

I deleted the post before the last post, so now it’s confusing :P

It was just about getting food and not having to take when I’m low on money :) I don’t think you’ll miss it

 

[littleoc]

I’m not sure why I was debating posting that so much. It wasn’t even trauma related. Just about food. hm

Edit to add: I figured it out. It was because it felt too dramatic. Maybe I should try posting it again and just let people find it dramatic. It was a grateful post, not a sad one. That might have been part of it

Editing again: Actually, I think I just felt too ashamed of not having a lot of food... which I guess makes more sense logically. But I have some food now. I’ve given food tons of times. And I love random gifts :P

 

[ILoveLife]

Dear @littleoc
As you know, some of us know hardship and not having enough food and the joy of being given food... So I don't think it is at all dramatic to post about it. :hug:

Hope all is well.

 

[littleoc]

Thank you :)

Everything is well. I got a can of whipped cream and let it un-whip, and am trying to use it for cereal. I can feel it making me sick, lol. Tastes really fancy tho

My mom is planning on buying me a $42 entré at a restaurant she’s going to tonight. She said I was worth it :) I told her I am also worth a few cool coupons but she is hosting a rehearsal dinner, so maybe an extra 42$ won’t feel like much? :)

Also, I think my brain is still having a lot of confusion over reality versus fiction. I think maybe I SHOULD consider talking to a neurologist. But without all the shame of course. I’m probably not alone. But anyway, my personal character in a video game cut off someone’s head dramatically, and for a solid 15 minutes I felt completely guilty and like I should have deserved my own head to be cut off as a kid. But then I suddenly realized it was just a game, and I felt a little bit better. Still was gross at least, but like, it’s a game, so some people probably found that awesome? If I’ve learned anything from showing dramatic action films in that little theatre. No one actually wanted to do those things, they just thought it was awesome, fictionally

 

[littleoc]

Update: my mom spent 600$ on me (actually, my bird), so I suppose I AM worth it... lol

My bird is going to live. I’m glad I came home even if the house is even messier now than it was a month ago. But instead of panicking about that, I was panicking (that spelling looks wrong..?) about my cockatiel.

My mom told me she wasn’t perfectly right, when she didn’t think my bird was ill. I live two hours away from my bird and my dog had just grown a tumor the size of my fist that night (well, overnight) so I immediately was scared that Dove (the bird’s name, there is a story behind it I might tell later but it’s like 3:30am right now) was also getting something. This summer has been insane, so many things going on (not all bad things). But yeah, I get home, take her outside to let my friend F see her, and she poops on me, which is normal, but it was mostly blood and obviously I stopped everything I was doing to give her a good look.

My mom wasn’t home yet so I called her and told her that I was freaking out. I wanted a solution immediately, like how I am in my posts — looking for steps to take. My mom seemed to feel personally responsible somehow though? Not sure, but she was repeating over and over that Dove hadn’t been that ill earlier. Which, like, yes, I believe you. It’s not like I’m expecting you to know all bird symptoms either. Seriously, birds won’t even tell you if they aren’t well unless it’s already really, really bad.

I was upset though, because I felt this wasn’t a sudden thing, but I also wasn’t calling to blame her. (I don’t know for sure if she felt that way either. I was in the middle of panicking so I could have been misinterpreting, from not getting the answers I needed.)

But I told her that I couldn’t find an emergency vet in the area who was bird certified (bertified, you could say), and as expected she told me that there wasn’t much I could do about that. But I could go upstairs to find the Internet code and password so I could look more effectively. Which helped. But then Dove’s regular doctor called back and said that an automated system had informed her that Dove needed help, and said if we could work on it before midnight then she’d help me. So we were there from 11:30pm to 1:30am. No regrets except that I really hope my mom can get some rest tonight. I mean, there’s a wedding tomorrow. We need rest. But I needed a healthy bird

But yeah, my mom took me to a vet, spent 600$ while insisting that I couldn’t/shouldn’t because I need food money, and then she said that if I can’t get Nestle’s (dog’s) surgery fully funded, then I should let her pay the rest.

So it’s a good thing that 42$ dinner was 13$, because otherwise I would have felt even more horrible. I wish things didn’t cost money, but I wasn’t even asking about prices tonight for Dove when I thought I was paying. I just wanted her (the doctor) to do whatever was needed.

My poor baby has a minor respiratory infection, a GI tract infection, a vitamin D deficiency, vitamin A deficiency, osteoporosis (severe), calcium deficiency (also severe), and for some unknown reason has fibers in her poop. Seems (to the vet) that she was trying to eat fibers to get her poo to be less runny. I removed anything weird from around the cage to be sure. Put down white towels so I can better observe her poo.

Am a bit stressed now because someone will need to give her medicine every day. And I live in a dorm at the moment even though I am not a student because I am working for the University. I think I will ask about having my bird in my dorm temporarily — there is no hiding a cockatiel. They are megaphone birds

Otherwise it will finally be time to move out into a rented place. I’m going to ask my work for a full time not-temporary job and see what happens. Because as much as I want to see this house clean... it might be easier if I have somewhere to escape to.

But also I think I got accepted into grad school. Creative writing. If that’s true? I can legally be put on longer grace periods for my student loan payments, which would allow me to save much, much more. Maybe enough to buy a car so I can go hungry less.

My mom said she’d get me a car too, but I don’t want to hold her to that. Cars are not cheap, either.

But yeah, it’s late and there’s a wedding tomorrow. EMDR Sunday. But the city is putting on a fireworks display tomorrow night AND I’m in town to see it! So that’s awesome