Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Also, whipped cream as milk in a sugary cereal is awful. Never do that to yourself, trust me

 

[Swift]

Your mum obviously wants to help :)

think my brain is still having a lot of confusion over reality versus fiction. I think maybe I SHOULD consider talking to a neurologist

You already probably know what I'm gonna say. Yes, talk to a neurologist. Worst case scenario is they can't help you. Best case - it's treatable. Either way you get an explanation.
And... shame is very, very, very common with neurological symptoms even in people without PTSD. Like, I can't tell you how many times I saw it on the job as a tech. And... we know it's not your fault that your brain's acting up. We can literally see that.
(And: we don't think you're stupid or making it up.)

 

[ILoveLife]

A million hugs @littleoc
I know the pain of sick pets and the stress it brings to both us and them especially.
You're doing all the right things, you're a wonderful human being.
:hug:

 

[littleoc]

The wedding was very chill :) I’m getting bad vibes from the bride but it could very well be in my head.

I got discriminated against today but I think considering the circumstances it went well. Law is on my side. She’s a service dog so even they don’t don’t believe me, hopefully they will believe the government (I filed a complaint, I figure that should be the end of the issue). Left me feeling a bit annoyed because it was an emergency and they turned me away, but I’ll be over it in like an hour :P

I don’t really want to do EMDR tomorrow but it might be unwise not to. But fireworks tonight should be good! :) :) :)

I have been trying to work on OCD but haven’t really been recording it. So just gonna record that I tried to find logic behind why the floor is dirty and bad, after my mom made a weird face when I got freaked out when she dropped my pack of earrings on the floor. To be fair, I’m not sure when anyone cleaned that floor last. Maybe I’m worried about infections. That’s not too weird

Logic for the rest: spotty

 

[littleoc]

My mom didn’t seem all that impressed that a grad school accepted me for the highest possible degree for fiction writing after I sent them some of my fiction. Which is odd, actually, because she shows how proud she is when I do something simpler like graduate high school without needing a GED. (Congrats if you’ve done that, too!!!) Or that one time I did that research project on a grass that only grows in woodlands here and no where else on Earth, but was getting suffocated out of existence along with the very particular pine because wild fires had been suppressed for one hundred years. (Before then, the train used to start massive fires because of its coal ashes. They thought it was humans only who were hurting the old growth, which was bad because this spot is one of the only places left in the United States with old growth forest. In conservative minds, it put us above European nature. There was no way to know that the fire was necessary or that the forest was used to disaster.) So a group of peers (me included) had done experiments on the grassy areas over a several-year period, but one patch we set on fire (with firefighters’ help — when it’s been a really long time between birnings, especially longer than a hundred years, then there is a LOT of fire fuel and it can get a bit frightening for good reason). Then they left me to show the results in a conference, trying to raise awareness about these beautiful for-once-not-European-or-African grasses.

Anyway, my mom came to that and called me “my concert” (my entire family is musicy and she goes to see all their performances even if she has to drive five hours, she’s dedicated).

So I’m sort of wondering if she was just expecting me to get in, which spooks me a bit because it might be best if she keeps her expectations lower. But maybe there was just too much happening. Three of her four kids are married now. According to my little brother, that’s a passing grade :p

So I’m trying to not overthink anything but clearly in doing so I’m still analyzing it which might count as overthinking.

 

[LuckiLee]

Or maaaybe she's watching her kids get their sh*t together in spite of the horrible atrocities inflicted upon them and she won't /can't even clean her kitchen. She needs therapy @littleoc. She's had her share of trauma too. I hope one day she decides she's worth it.

I couldn't be more happy for you! Grad school!!!! For writing!!! You are so awesome!! I'd love to read some of your fiction. And @Congruency's too. :)

Keep doing YOU! XO

 

[somerandomguy]

You are going to kick butt in grad school, @littleoc.

 

[ILoveLife]

Yay! Grad school! You're doing awesome.
Good luck with emdr tomorrow :)
:hug:

 

[littleoc]

Thank you and thank you and thank you!!!

I am really excited. I told my therapist (in front of my mom, on our way out) what my fiction I was working on was about, and my mom recalled that she had read that — I had written it but wasn’t satisfied, so said I was going to rewrite it and my mom says she’s really been walking to know what happens next. So that’s promising :D obviously my mom would like it though :P

EMDR happened. I might talk about that later. We were in there for an hour and thirty minutes and my brain stopped working (too tired) so we went ahead and stopped.

I need to pack for me, my pupper, and my bird, because I can’t get ahold of anyone so I’m bringing my bird. I have to because I want her to be healthy and it’s going to require me to be willing to break rules, evidently.

@Swift , my therapist said something interesting to me. I’m in the United States though so keep that in mind, but when I told my therapist that I doubted ethics boards would listen to me about being abused by nurses (I admitted that for EMDR today), she told me to try to file something anyway. Even if nothing came of it now, there would be the report. Future complaints would give it more weight and vice versa. Your mission is way more complex I think, but I thought I would say this anyway. In case it helps you in any way

 

[littleoc]

She's had her share of trauma too. I hope one day she decides she's worth it.

I hope so too

And @Congruency's too. :)

And me too!!

 

[Swift]

Thanks, @littleoc.
That does help, I've filed a report with a few agencies. I'm pissed that they won't do anything, and tunnel vision gets the better of me - I'm like "if it's not fixed then what was the point?"
But yeah, thanks. It's a good reminder.
If you want some help reporting I'd be happy to help.
And I'd love to read your fiction.

 

[ladee]

Grad school !!!!!!!! Here's where you pretend we have an emoticon that throws confetti !!! How awesome... can't wait to be standing in line, to get an autographed copy of your first book.... lots of hugs and hoorays !!!:hug::hug: