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Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

I snapped at my dog. I feel so bad.

I’m out in the front yard eating food. Every room in the house smells like poo. But the front yard does too because this is my dog’s restroom for now.

But then she stepped on my plate. It was an accident, but it was right after my mom accidentally grossed me out. I had finished the food off of it and just couldn’t put pickles on it. But I got mad anyway.

That usually means either I am depressed or overwhelmed. Probably I am stressed out.

So. Time to get simple.

Goals for today:
By 3pm, have towels in washer.
Go through classes. Do readings for either Storytelling or Advanced Lit. Devices.
By 3:45pm, towels should be ready for the dryer.
Consider washing personal laundry.
Consider trying to put clothes away for the second month. My suit case is now being used to store toilet paper even though I still have clothes in it.
Order the .99 cent book on Sumerian religion. Any time.
At 5pm, go for a walk. Even if you can’t take Nestle.
By 6pm, have an idea of what’s for dinner, and if my sister is fine with letting us come over.
Sister wants me to see Room on Netflix. It’s about a kidnapped girl. Should check for too-close-to-home triggers on the Internet.
9pm, stop playing with your phone. Memes don’t get rid of empty feelings
9:30pm, be home getting ready for bed. Make sure Nestle has her potty walk.
10:30pm, be sleeping

I wish I could erase my sense of smell. It’s killing me
 
I told my sister through text that I can’t watch the room and now I feel very on the spot.

She said kind of disappointedly that we could have KFC and no movie, or we could watch another one. It seems like a good movie. She was really excited to show us. I am disappointed in myself but I know that I shouldn’t be. I fought the urge to apologize, because I don’t need to for taking care of myself.

But then my mom just now came into my work space and said “Your sister says you don’t want to watch that movie. Any reason why?”

I said, “Yeah, but I don’t want to talk about it.”

Not sure why I need to explain myself for everything. Maybe I don’t like kidnap and rape movies.

Maybe I should have just said I don’t feel well and I should stay home. My sister is sending me upside down smiley faces so I guess I’ll have more questions to answer later. At least she’s well meaning. My mom probably is too. I am just very tired. Very very tired today.
 
My sister is being kind

I was just scared I think

My mom did not remember about the therapist and got a little upset, I’m reminding myself that I’m not the one who made her upset, it’s okay for her to be upset, and also I don’t want to be an enabler just because I think she’s happy in a normalized hoarded house

Because it’s not normal, at all
 
I think you’re right. I think I take myself too seriously at times also :p

Sorry for being here at 2am, but I just wanted to say that I found out that my grandfather is very sick. I am trying to think of something to gift him that would help him through it. But I dunno. He’s nearly 80, I believe? Might have another twenty years! He can do it!!

He can already afford anything he wants, but I bet he could use.... hmmmmmm brain stomin time
 

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