Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Eh, sure, I’ll talk about this, too. It’s my coping mechanism right now, so shush. (Has been since the pedophile days, actually! I’m a PRO at this game lol.) In a kid’s online game I’m playing I finally got the cardboard box with a crayon train drawn on it! I wanted it all month for my two main characters’ estate, but only had four days left to get it (it’s limited addition!) and the return rate on cogs I battled was soooo low. It took daaaays. But I finally found a place with the right cogs without there being an invasion, and I got the crayons!!!

I take huuuuge pride in the beauty of my characters’ estates and houses, lol. I always have. Decorating houses/rooms is my favorite hobby. Having weird and unique stuff to decrate them with is priceless, and not everyone is gonna have this pretend train on a box commemorating this month’s special event! It’s f*cking adorable, I don’t even care that it takes up so much room.

Next, the organ and played piano! I already got the popcorn maker for all my toons (even the ones that aren’t my mains). I’m going to try to get the money bag hat and the green shoes, too, because lookin stylish is my thing too, but I’m happiest that I finally got the dang cardboard box disguised as a train, lol.

 

[littleoc]

Also, my two mains are pretty high level now, so that’s exciting. I’m still a year or so from maxing them out, but I’m getting there! And faster than I expected, too, so that’s awesome.

My characters are a dragon and a deer. They make a great team, honestly.

Haha, yeah, that cheered me back up.

 

[littleoc]

I talked to my friend Scottie last Monday (not this week’s, last week’s Monday — so a week and a day ago) about Brandi. He went to the same high school as Brandi and I, and knew her. Maybe he now.

Listening to him talk about her redflags he saw, but didn’t know were red flags back then — surreal. I’ve been thinking about it all week. She was manipulating him too, but subtly, and hearing him talk about it was somewhat comforting. He wasn’t hurt much if at all. But was told that his view on people was abnormal — which is what she did to me at the start.

I really liked high school though. I walked through the entire city yesterday (two hour walk) to show Nestle the beautiful spot Brandi and I used to hang out at after school. Whenever she’d show.

She never thanked me for carrying her to graduation. She’s lucky I loved her. I felt lucky to have her. She blamed my love note on Facebook for getting Jamie jealous. Buuuut I think Brandi was just trying to keep me secret. Like always. Saying Jamie took her virginity and not me. First of all, who cares about virginity? Second of all, ew. Ew on five levels.

Nestle liked the spot.

 

[littleoc]

Oops, that last line is out of context.

Brandi claimed throughout our relationship that we weren’t together and weren’t a thing. She told everyone, including me, that she was a virgin. Whatever that meant.

When she cheated on me with Jamie, she claimed that she lost her virginity to Jamie.

It was disgusting.

 

[Freida]

I’ve agreed to not talk about them here until it’s safe to do so

I'm confused? It's not safe to talk here or it's not safe to talk at all? Remember hun - there is nothing you can tell us that will surprise or undo us or make us think less of you. We've all been thru crap stuff so there's no judgement here (and if you get any just let me know and I'll gather the calvery! :hug:)
It's ok to talk. Talking gets it out of your head. It can see the light and then we can help you squish it.

I’m doing an excellent job surviving here.

YES!!!!! Yes you are! There are a ton of things against you right now, but they are temporary. You are making huge steps. I know you can't see it so you will just have to trust me -- you are. You will get out of this mess and go forward in your life. It just takes time. And that sucks.

I love the idea of you talking to your rabbi -- maybe someone coming from a totally different place will give you some new ideas.

 

[LuckiLee]

I had to share this with you...

Why don't ants get sick??


Because they have little anty bodies. ? ? ?

 

[Freida]

:roflmao: that's hilarious

 

[littleoc]

Thank you for the joke, @LuckiLee. I needed that.

 

[littleoc]

I’m not sure whether to just leave or keep sitting here. If I leave they’ll say I was rude maybe, or wonder where I went and worry. On the other hand, I’ve made the cop, THE METRO CITY COP, awkward, and it’s not like I can hold a conversation. It’s not like I want to talk to people and explain why I needed to leave and not come back.

I couldn’t even sleep last night. It was so bad that getting a wink of sleep wasn’t physically possible. I drove here and it made things WORSE. Imagine being triggered by the Torah. Imagine that.

 

[littleoc]

Remembering to be gentle with myself though. I didn’t do anything wrong.

Nestle helped. Still a crying mess though and not sure when to leave. I can’t just leave my trash in there.

 

[littleoc]

It’s barely mid morning and it’s gone horrible so far.

I am thankful the drive was safe, despite being surrounded by crazier-than-normal drivers today.

I don’t want to talk to anyone.

 

[littleoc]

I think it worked out.

Lots of people are going to be at the formerly-pedophile’s house today though. Not sure where to go. Have to go home to get my assignments done, though. The sooner, the better.

I’m not feeling it.