Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[Freida]

I should hire someone to do the yard.

always a good idea!! :)

And you've made amazing progress - you just can't see it right now. So until you do you will just have to trust me :hug: ;)

 

[littleoc]

Copy that :P

 

[littleoc]

Okay. So this is going to be a little embarrassing, but it's important I talk about this. I need feedback, and if I don't get that (seriously, no pressure), then I at least need to get it out so I can process it and figure out what's going on in my brain. Because I'm pretty sure the problem is my ex.

_____

I started that ^ hours ago. I’m very embarrassed about this. I guess I’ll say the short version and if I’m not satisfied I’ll add to it later. There’s no rule to how to do this. Just guidelines.

My ex’s significant other has a little sibling. They have always been pleasant and I've always thought they were cool. They started working at the gas station I went to after work so I started talking to them more and noticed they had a name change. I realized it was the name of someone I’d been being recommended on Facebook for a while, but I rarely use Facebook so I just figured I’d ask if they wanted to be friends afterward.

Then quarantine happened and I haven’t seen them in over a month. I was hoping they were okay and decided to do a friend request and a messaging letting them know that if it was weird for them to befriend someone who was an ex of their sister’s current S.O., then feel free to ignore the message and the friend request.

At first they didn’t recognize me at all, but then figured it out and added me as a friend and asked how I found them, because their name does not match the family name at all.

This is where I feel troubled. And I think the issue isn’t with this conversation or with them, but rather about my ex... I apologized to them for if i spooked them by finding them online without permission. No “it’s okay” or “it’s not okay” and that’s fine, but I immediately got worried that they were going to message Jamie to ask if I was a safe person to befriend.

I realize this shouldn’t matter. Or, maybe it should? Nevermind, I don’t know. When I go back to work it’s possible I’ll be seeing this person often again. I liked a thing they did and immediately worried their sister would see it. Or Brandi.

I feel confused about how to feel about this. I suppose I could just not like their things and continue saying hi in public, but I was really interested in being this person’s friend until I remembered their connection. And here I was asking them if THEY were comfortable. :/

That’s all. I suppose I don’t need feedback then. I’m not sure. I feel wrong about this, like I’m somehow manipulating them just by being associated with Brandi in the past. They mentioned Brandi exactly one time and it was difficult to just keep my thoughts to myself.

Anyway. Ill be avoiding Facebook for a while anyway. Lots of political drama going on there and lots of weird news. Just gonna hover around other sites for a while. Have good day :)

 

[somerandomguy]

@littleoc, I think it's OK to do whatever YOU feel comfortable doing on social media. And IRL, too. Keeping yourself healthy is really important, and I learned I couldn't maintain any connections with my ex and continue to stay healthy. I used to have tons and tons of friends on Facebook in common with my ex. Over time, I have shed every single one of them, partially because I realized that they COULD report back to my ex if they wanted to. That's not acceptable to me.

I used to really be invested in the number of friends I had on Facebook and would hunt out and friend people I knew from my past. Those people are mostly gone, too - not because they had anything to do with my abuse, but because I had nothing in common with them

Social media is really confusing. But I ended up dealing with it by heavily curating my friends list. My rule is to only friend people that I like and who are good for my mental health. If that means I end up with only a few friends, that's OK with me. And I also try to limit my use of social media, too.

 

[Freida]

I've kept in touch with my brother's exs and ya, it can be weird sometimes. So my rule is.... I'm keeping by in touch with you. I'm not interested in passing news about him, or the drama or whatnot. I want to keep updated on your life. if that works, great. If not that's ok toI

it seems to work ok, mostly because social media is such a tangle of who knows who. But about a year ago I started doing the same thing as SRG....culling the people. I don't need any more drama in my life so if people are there just to pick fights and wind people up about Trump or global warming or if Elvis is really dead buh bye. I have no energy for that crap and that's ok.

So the question to you is.....do you want this person in your life? Will they bring value to it? Because that's really all that matters. :hug:

 

[littleoc]

My brain never woke up today. Disappointed. Used handsoap as toothpaste on accident. Used pillowcase as a trash bag. I wish my brain would warn me in advanced next time. I had plans.

 

[littleoc]

Third? time this year. No, fourth. What is my brain physically doing when the blanket to get to it gets too thick to pass through. Why did the last TBI do this but not the others? Did Brandi keep it from healing? Seems unlikely.

Baked cookies. My success for today.

 

[bellbird]

Baked cookies.

Then let's celebrate it :hug: :hug:
Being able to bake cookies is a wonderful achievement!! One that some people can't even manage without a thick blanket of fog.

So many hugs to you, and here's hoping your brain will wake up tomorrow :hug: ?

 

[littleoc]

I maybe had a seizure at 4am (don’t know) and tried to call the hospital twice since then. They hung up on me twice. Upsetting and frustrating. I’ll assume I’m fine. Bad headache though. Very upset. (I’m okay.)

 

[somerandomguy]

Do you have a doctor's office you could call? That's very troubling.

 

[littleoc]

I tried. I’m confused about what happened but I called at 4am sometime and someone answered at first but then hung up. Tried again at 6 sometime and the operator answered instead of the nurse, forwarded me to ER, ER told me to call nurse, then hung up. I’ve been googling what I should be doing, got overwhelmed and browsed cat pictures instead. Most things I read said something about nocturnal seizures and nothing about 911 unless it lasted. Must not have because my cat didn’t say anything. Dog woke up, not sure what she did.

Pretty sure I’m okay. Probably best to avoid hospitals right now anyway. Unhappy with current events, though.

Frustrated. I have a lot to get done. My brain can’t have another down day.

 

[littleoc]

Also upset that my first reaction was to text a friend. That was inappropriate. Worrying people who are trying to sleep when the correct adult response is to find professional assistance. ?