Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

Nestle was there. She didn’t understand.

 

[littleoc]

I always felt I was forcing people to hear me. No one in that university would listen to me unless I called the police. They’d send someone in to talk to me, every time. Police themselves never could figure out how to get in. Literally couldn’t find the door. Feels like a metaphor. The other person turned out to be my boss. She listened then and then moved away and stopped texting back. I was trying so hard not to talk about myself.

And to top it all off. The therapist I got help from. The one the university made me see. Just another piece of shit.

I keep being afraid I did this. There’s some reason no one was taking me seriously. My sorority at the time told me I wasn’t allowed to be in the common room with them because they felt I was there too much. Three people said it, anyway. I mentioned it to someone else and she seemed surprised.

 

[littleoc]

Im not going to get hurt. I scheduled a massage in June.

 

[littleoc]

I almost feel better that someone else here had a therapist try to sleep with them. I thought I did something wrong. Maybe me not feeling negatively-special is wrong.

I did see a friend and hang out watching cartoons for a while. I told him I’d be back. He wants me to come back.

I’m just worried. I haven’t had a problem before now but I am terrified he’ll accidentally say a triggering word and I’ll change. Think I’m someone else. It won’t happen though.

 

[littleoc]

I am craving those pills I took. They reduced the fear so fast. Not a healthy way to take them, though. I’ll have a chance again in my future. Every surgery comes with them. It’s been four year since it happened — one day I’ll be excited when it stops.

 

[somerandomguy]

:hug:
None of it is your fault.
:hug:

 

[Freida]

oh hun

You were never the bad guy in any of that. You were the victim. Over and over -- you were surrounded by horrible people doing things that never should have happened to you.

You are not the bad guy
You are not to blame
Never. Ever.

Are you safe?

 

[littleoc]

Yes, I’m safe, but I’m going to deactivate for a while. A lot going on.

 

[Freida]

We will be here when you are ready to come back :hug: be safe!

 

[somerandomguy]

:hug:

 

[littleoc]

STRESS IS GONE! I was overwhelmed because my snake escaped and I thought he was gone for good.

HE’S BACKKKKKKK he showed up back at his house lookin for water n mouse ?????????????

 

[somerandomguy]

Wow! What a good snake!!! I'm not even sure my cat would come back if he got out.