Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[littleoc]

There have been great things happening too, by the way. Like getting invited to dinner after synagogue by a bunch of younger people, and they trauma dumped and I realized I'm not the only one with a wild childhood. Weirdly comforting

Even in hard times, I find I receive a lot of blessings. In the Rabbi's Torah talk, she discussed how Moses and G-d warned the Jews not to get too comfortable with success. Failure and challenges can't be forgotten. There's a reason we say grace after a meal, when we're no longer hungry and we're tired from being full, etc., and not before. You have to remember where you came from, rather than just lose your way because things work out.

 

[ms spock]

I am so sad that you are going through all this. I am barely holding on myself.

Everything that you are going through is normal for someone who does e have safe, secure and decent housing

I spend a lot of time trying to prove that I am not worthless.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs shows if you don't have safe, stable housing you can't do other things.

I am another person who can't get a job and have a normal life so you are not alone on that.

Please ignore anything not useful.

 

[littleoc]

Thank you

 

[littleoc]

I need to find homes for two more cats

I am freezing up a lot. Got a job maybe and it feels like the end somehow. I mean, everything keeps feeling like the end of the world.

I am constantly in fight/flight/freeze.

And any plan I make to keep going has to change multiple times a day. I'm exhausted. I just want to be able to do what's best for my animals

 

[Freida]

oh hun I am so sorry

I know nothing I say can make it better, but I'm here, reading along and hoping along with you that things turn out well in the end

 

[ms spock]

Awwwwwww

I am so sorry that you are going through this and having to rehome your beloved pets really is so tremendously painful.

 

[littleoc]

Thank you.

Finding myself sad at useless items I will be losing.

Trying group home route. Likely can't afford it if I want to keep my car. I feel I am too poor (disability won't let me make much) to ever afford another car. It will eventually break down. Idk

I do not get the feeling much will work out. Was hoping to at least keep the foam on my bed because it has reduced my pain. Starting to look like I'll be lucky to keep more than my toothbrush, clothes, and maybe a couple of things my mom wrote on.

I really want a meteor to hit my house and I am upset that considering suicide has made people upset. They can't fix this any more than I can, why isn't euthanasia an option?

Probably wouldn't take it. But everything I hoped for is shot. Idk. And idk what I want

Chilling today

 

[littleoc]

I immediately got invited over for tea by a Vietnamese Buddhist nun after posting that message

She is in the US for three months, so she's about to head back to her temple in Vietnam soon. She wants me to visit her temple one day. On disability pay it likely isn't possible, but maybe one day

I have been helping her and the Vietnamese monks learn English. I am learning Vietnamese

 

[littleoc]

I wonder if I should try to save any food when I have to leave. Or if I should just abandon it

 

[Freida]

save what you can - not just for the food itself but for a feeling of security that it's one less thing to worry about when you move