Colorful and hopefully optimistic but maybe hateful occasionally

[Freida]

oh hun. I am so sorry this is happening to you. You have dealt with so much for so long it makes total sense you wouldn't want to continue.

But you ARE worth getting a chance to ride this out with mental health people. Maybe it will help, maybe not. But either way it will give you a chance to catch your breath and rest. And you deserve that - even if you can't see it right now

 

[ms spock]

Thinking of you @littleoc

 

[Teasel]

Thinking of you @littleoc Bit worried we've not seen you. Much caring, I hope you are ok

 

[Muttly]

I'm thinking about you and hoping you are somewhere safe.

People better than me die all the time and the world continues

Yes, the world continues when people die. Even the most amazing people who impact thousands and thousands of others. That's not really the point. Death leaves behind those who mourn. And we never know who those mourners will be. Sometimes it's the person who delivers your mail, who you smiled at once..

 

[littleoc]

I am okay, just retreated back into my shell a little. No major changes and just trying to take it day by day. Hugs for you all thank you

Came back just now to say I ate inside a fast food place and at the end I realized I had almost no one to go home to. And realized it will be even weirder once the last two cats and the bird and the lizard are in their next homes. And then the home will be gone

No mom though. Five cats gone. Several more if you count the deaths. every change has been heartbreaking. Nothing new to share though, just feel weird knowing there's nothing to worry about. Didn't know id miss the feeling of needing to go home and see if my mom is okay and if she'd eaten. i didn't ever mind that part. She was always happy to see me.

I hope she's doing well. I miss her so much, am glad she's not dealing with the house but I miss her. She deserved much better and I almost feel like she's the one who pushed my grandpa so I'd stop trying to hold on to all her past

I didn't believe in a heaven or anything before 4 days after her death. Funeral home directors and employees and similar all saw what I saw though. She always said she'd give signs if she could

Hope it's great. Hope the cats I've re-homed are doing okay. Hope they know I love them and they are far from abandoned

 

[littleoc]

I have been soaking my bird's feet every night for months. I do it instead of making dinner with whatever food I do have. and instead of just going straight to bed.

I don't have much food -- government provides $70/mo. about $2.30 a day. But I haven't been cooking anything for months. And might not be able to save it anyway so why bother. so haven't been eating much. Not losing weight though so much be fine.

Just worried no one will love Dove this much. I miss her and cry over the loss while she's right in front of me, drying off her feet on the towel I place her on.

It is awful. it is an awful feeling. I'm relieved I may not need to euthanize her -- I was seriously worried I would be forced to because she can't just be re-homed. But there is maybe someone with experience who can take her.

And I haven't been able to take her to a vet for over a year. She usually needs antibiotics twice a year at minimum. No immune system. Can thank my dad for that.

She developed bumble foot months ago and it's much better with daily treatment. I had just cleaned all her perches when it happened, so must have done something wrong. But trying to help her stay strong. She needs a vet though.

Now I can almost take her to one. But I can no longer also keep her.

I cry when I'm holding the animals I have left. It is horrible. I am so happy I'm not like my ex. I didn't abandon them. I didn't start hating them when they became annoying or needed extra care. I love them as deeply now as I did back when we met. I am at least doing well in that I am full of love even when it is hard

 

[littleoc]

Just worried no one will love Dove this much. I miss her and cry over the loss while she's right in front of me, drying off her feet on the towel I place her on.

It was like this with Nestle the service dog before she passed. I knew it was the end. She was no longer able to perk up. I was exhausted. She needed hours of care every day and I was doing my best to get it done, but was overwhelmed. but she had done so, so much for me over the years, I knew I owed it to her no matter how much it was.

There was relief that part, the hard work, was over when she died. But I miss laying with her in her bed. I hope she is doing amazing and I hope she forgives me for every time I was ever annoyed at her. Every time a diaper stayed on top long. For that time I got angry when she accidentally pooped in the tub while I washed urine off her tummy. She was an amazing dog and could not have done better as a dog if she tried.

 

[littleoc]

So much grief