Relationship Combat vet running away again

[RRT13]

So finally got my combat vet to open up on his own today on text.
Long distance isn't easy and the last 6 weeks have been really rough between us.
Hot and cold, push and pull, a few days of no contact. At first I thought he doesnt love me anymore, hes cheating, or what the heck is it with him. Geez.
I was what I thought going to visit this week. Turned into him having food poisoning, so he says. Checked on him today via text as usual. Our convo turned in to questioning him if I should say I miss him. We havent seen each other since end of Jan. He said I always could say I miss him. I told him i wasnt sure if I should say it because he never does anymore. He tried to tell me its not really his style. Guess he forgets I have a ton of texts where we used to say almost daily love you and miss you. No biggie on that.
He then told me hes moving soon. Oh by the way hes still in a technical school til July. He said he plans to move in a month or two to a coolee climate. We're in Texas by the way. He wanted me to know he plans to move. Which wow for once he has thought about my feelings. Sweet!
Well, he wants to move away from his family to be around more like minded people who doesnt know about his past. Whatever that means. Kinda rambled in about his family and how hes moved a way before. I am so surprised how much he actually opened up to me on this. Blew my mind. But breaks my heart with his untreated PTSD.
When we met he was living close to me and then moved home and we broke up on good terms, kept in contact got back together at Christmas. But here we go again him wanting to escape because he says everyone annoys him and doesnt respect his privacy. He did go on to saying he trust me but doesnt trust anyone. Small win for me!
Anyone else go through this? Guess I just wanted to vent and not feel so alone.

 

[LuckiLee]

That's what my guy did his whole life. Ran from relationship to relationship. Job to job. State to state. Trying to outrun his PTSD. He was untreated for almost 30 years. His life was chaotic to say the least.

He finally accepted his diagnosis and decided to get some control over it. And he finally feels safe enough to do that.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. I'm sure you're heartbroken. Until he accepts his mental illness (this is a mental illness with no cure) and wants to start his healing process I think this is the best you're gonna get from him. I'm so sorry, honey.

Keep us posted.

Prayers for you and your Veteran!!

 

[Sweetpea76]

There's a difference between talking and walking my friend.

When my vet starts talking like that (going to go back to school, buy an RV and live in it full time traveling the US, get a farm in Oklahoma and work it by himself) I usually just listen to him without getting too wound up. Theoretically he could do any of that, and usually these plans don't include me. However I've noticed that he usually talks like this when he's not doing too well. I think it's an escape fantasy, but he can't escape life. I don't worry until he actually does something.

 

[RRT13]

Im not so much heart broken, more like frustrated. Maybe because like you @LuckiLee I see the big picture. Kinda like I believe it when I see it actually happens. He says he plans to move in a month, 2 months, end of April. When it happens I'll believe it. Not to sound so callous but guess more like sit back and see what happens. I am glad hes been open. I know it takes a lot from him to open up so I give him big props for that.

 

[RRT13]

@Sweetpea76 yes exactly!!
Haha im always at work saying Im over law enforcement, Im burned out, im tired of these female inmates, im so over this.im gonna do this next, do that next and nothing pans out. Except me leaving le and coming back because its a comfort zone and all I know. I actually left for 3 years and came back 2 years ago. I myself am a very indecisive person when it comes to me. And I see that in him. So everyday is a new adventure with him.

 

[RRT13]

@Sweetpea76
He actually did tell me he hasnt been happy the past month and it wasnt me.
I was shocked he finally opened up to tell me. Talk about a small win.

 

[Sweetpea76]

If he's been distant but he's finally talking again, I wouldn't worry too much about what he's talking about unless he's breaking up or doing something drastic. He's opening up and that ultimately is a good thing.

 

[RRT13]

I guess kinda like the boy who cries wolf story. Just sit back and see what happens, if it happens. Im sure its all frustrations and feeling alone is why he says that. Im glad hes opening up. I told him a while back he was like a level 9 Tetris. Everytime i tore down a wall to gain more trust, he had it back up lol. He told me it was a screen door instead.

 

[grimalkin]

Escapism fantasies - My sufferer had been harboring them to varying degrees over the last year. First he wanted to move to Japan. Then it morphed to just "travel, see some people up north and back east." Then he went to his step-mom's for Thanksgiving. Then he talked about moving where she (and his half-siblings) are. Then he realized he had NO interest in moving there. Then he talked about how much cheaper buying a house is there - once I reminded him he has major stress when he lives in a RENTED house, much less one he's responsible for, he realized "Oh yeah. That would be dumb." Then he talked about traveling to Japan and Scotland.

Last week, he sent me a message saying "By the way, I renewed my lease here for another year. Thought you'd want to know." When I replied I was happy he did, he said that made him happy, too.

I think we ALL harbor the escape fantasies, especially in times of stress. With PTSD it just seems to become more imperative. With untreated PTSD? Yeah, we can't run from our problems. Broken fight or flight reactions tend to forget that part.

 

[Louski]

Escapism fantasies - My sufferer had been harboring them to varying degrees over the last year.

Wow! This is sooo familiar. How interesting. I didn’t realise it was related to PTSD particularly but this is something my fiancé did/does often. Talks of us moving to other countries, renting instead of living in his house, buying something else...the works. Thanks @grimalkin really helpful stuff x

 

[dulcia]

There's a difference between talking and walking my friend.

Exactly what I was thinking.

Our convo turned in to questioning him if I should say I miss him.

One thing I did in my (past) relationship with a combat vet was be super unsure, and wishy washy about stuff like this. I didn't always know where we stood, so I wasn't sure how to act. I wasn't always sure where his head/mood was, so I didn't know what kind of things I should or shouldn't say. Looking, back I wish I had been more decisive about things, and more upfront about my thoughts and feelings. You miss him? I say, tell him. If he doesn't say it back? Okay, well it might be worth being prepared for that (and not getting upset about that). If he says it back? Cool. If he doesn't want you saying it to him? Well, now you know.

 

[RRT13]

Telling him I missed him yesterday was how all of our conversation started luckily. Ive told him some lately I missed and love him with either no response or being told he knows. I also started the "I feel" statements with him yesterday and he was actually quick to respond and open up telling me whats going on.
I'm puzzled on why he would say hes leaving in a month or two if hes so unhappy. Wouldnt you do it asap to get away faster?! Makes me wonder if he actually will go. I told him hes welcome to stay with me. But he said he would feel trapped and hates Houston weather. I feel like I've been his only consistency and support the last 6 months.