Combat vs. Civilian Life

[anthony]

Combat vs. Civilian Life

Even today I can relate to the movie, The Hurt Locker, especially the ending of the movie where he is standing in the supermarket and the biggest decision is now what cereal to choose for breakfast. Whilst it is a movie, the writers got it bang on the money IMHO, being that the overwhelming desire to return to a combat zone where you know there are vastly more important issues at hand, of which you can assist in some small way, whether the war is a total concoction or not, its about our mates, about saving lives and keeping alive other soldiers, regardless of the politics.

I actually still dwell on this every now and then, and even nearly 9 years after my last deployment, I still feel of more significance from the feelings associated to being within a combat zone and the decisions we make daily compared to going to the local shopping mall and wonder what pair of jeans I need to buy from this massive range.

I listened to a lot of older vets who told me that some things just need time, and nothing you do about them will change much without it, and I can totally understand what they said nearly 9 years after my last one, and I can see a shift back towards being more civilian oriented than military, though at the same time, I know I would slip back into that military role within a week if needed... which I do find scary at times.

I am actually back to accepting that a choice of jeans is actually an important decision in my life again now, as operational zones is behind me. Be interesting to see what I feel and think when 20 years comes around from my last deployment. Will it all just be a spec in my past?

 

[abnvet]

Exactly! Some of the hardest decisions we make today wouldn't had even been a thought years ago. When I think about decisions of what I should wear to work each day compared with will I make it home from this deployment.........

 

[Jimmy1]

I still have problems dissecting some situations today, and it depends on my mood as to how I treat things I hear.
What I am trying to say is that sometimes I hear people bitching about trivial little things which are so inconsequential to anyone. Like why the bins were late being emptied. Or how they are being hassled by people for not paying bills or fines. How dare they do their job. We were just doing our jobs too and look how we turned out. You know there is always that little bit in me that would kill to be still serving. Well thats my jabber.

Jimmy

 

[anthony]

The missus drives me insane actually with the small, insignificant shit she stresses and bothers me about. It is hard to still wrap my head around that those things are important to her because she hasn't been within a war zone, yet I then have to stop myself because I know that I'm not in a war zone, and what one wears to work here is an important decision.

Destructive to the brain, that much I know. I think that is one of the hardest things I struggle with at times... keeping myself in check over what is significant and what is not, and then to ensure I don't tear into someone for what they deem important. I know I have gotten pretty good these days at saying nothing, though I used to be pretty angry at others for such small, insignificant crap.

 

[Jimmy1]

But if you say nothing sometimes, you get accused of being insensitive, ignorant, or just not caring. Go figure.
I get accused of being to opinionated too.

 

[Nicolette]

It is hard to still wrap my head around that those things are important to her because she hasn't been within a war zone, yet I then have to stop myself because I know that I'm not in a war zone, and what one wears to work here is an important decision.

I am sure before you went to a war zone other things which you now deem 'insignificant' were possibly more important to you than what they are now.

I cannot ever experience what you did but I try very hard to respect that 'my small stuff' has little significance to you. While that may be so the reality is I can only measure my life by what I have experienced and some things which you 'don't give a sh*t about' mean the world to me due to my life experiences. Neither is right or wrong...just different. I am sure if you sent me to live in a 3rd world country for 6 months I would come home with different values and possibly a changed person. Who knows?! The point is what matters can only be determined by our lives as they have been experienced.

As for "if you say nothing sometimes, you get accused of being insensitive" well, I get that too. You are programmed and trained to be desensitized to personal stuff so that you don't fall in a heap and crumble when something happens to a mate in Combat where us civilians would probably not cope. That is the reality and the key is then how to integrate those two worlds into a relationship as again...neither is wrong or right.....just different life experiences.

I personally think it sucks when I think something is important and it is dismissed as "insignificant crap" so I have had to learn to turn to friends for that support. Military training has taken away the appreciation for the little things in my life and made them dismissible simply due to not have had to face 'more important things'. I chose not to 'fight for my country' but do my part in contributing to the world. Does that mean that what happens in one person's life is of lesser significance or not??? To the individual I'm sure it doesn't. While I get how your views will change, without that experience, I could never think like a military person so how do we put ourselves in your shoes? I think this forum and allowing us in is a good start.

Just a Carer's point of view......

 

[Nathan1]

The missus drives me insane actually with the small, insignificant shit she stresses and bothers me about. It is hard to still wrap my head around that those things are important to her because she hasn't been within a war zone, yet I then have to stop myself because I know that I'm not in a war zone, and what one wears to work here is an important decision.

This is the way I feel all the time when people are bitch over little things that are not important at all. How do I stop thee blow up inside I get? I have done very well not blow up at people when they do this but sometimes I am just driven over the top.

 

[Inouk]

Rick, my partner, considers himself a military even 15 years after his last deployment. He barely relates to the civilian world as we speak. He is having a hard time understanding civilian behaviours - which are completely unpredictable in his book - let alone trusting them. He defines himself as a wolf- abandoned by its pack, running loose in a suspicious world. That is why his house is his bunker, locked down tighter than Fort Knox. Would he go back to his military role, even with his full blown combat PTSD? You bet!

As for what he used to consider trivial, unimportant shit in my/our life, I must say he is calmer now versus at the beginning of our relationship. How does he do it? If it is trivial and it bugs him, he leaves. If anger builds up, he leaves instead of commenting. However, if I do something HE deems stupid, I’ll hear it loud and clear... for a couple of days.

Oh well, I must admit there is never a dull day with him:-)

 

[Jimmy1]

Full credit to you Inouk. Us males think its hard trying to understand women, but you standing by your man with PTSD, three cheers.

Jimmy

 

[Nicolette]

How does he do it? If it is trivial and it bugs him, he leaves. If anger builds up, he leaves instead of commenting. However, if I do something HE deems stupid, I’ll hear it loud and clear... for a couple of days.

I agree with this.........but what this says to me is that Inouk's husband, while still in military mode, is taking responsibility for himself and choosing which battles to fight. Just as Carers need to bite their tongue and walk away at times, what Inouk's husband is doing demonstrates the same thing to me......a compromise. When he thinks it is really stupid he says so, otherwise, when its his bug bear he leaves. It's all about how you handle it.

Just for the record to, even though we may not say what you want us to, or think how you do, does not for one minute mean that we are not standing behind you. If we weren't standing behind you we wouldn't be here trying to understand your views and struggles.

 

[Jimmy1]

Thanks Nicolette,

I just wish I had someone that would stand behind me other than my mother and my son.

It's hard doing it alone.

Jimmy

 

[Inouk]

QDAAussie aka Jimmy,

I like you. You are there for all of us (even though you intimidated one carer so we are kind of quiet). Hang in there for you will find the right person.

You have said so in one of your post that you have learned and stopped screaming (did I read you right?). I have been there shutting my ears when that occured. It takes nothing away from you men. It just shows you are humain beings. Asswhole sometimes...but the ones we love when at your best or should I say, on your good day.

As Nicolette sais, we choose our battles to keep it the relationship in line. You need to do the same. I do not know you but feel previledge to read you and know you (small steps here I guess).

Hugs - Inouk.