Communicating with Kids

[Zamboni]

Hi Again,

Has anyone had to or wanted to communicate PTSD with their children? I do realize the age of the child is important. So that is not the issue. But has anyone spoken to their older child about PTSD? And how did it go?

Zamboni

 

[Nam]

I have. I don't call it ptsd though. It's just when mommy doesn't feel well and feels scared. My oldest daughter is almost four and while I was going through the worst part, she was two. I really think that she taught herself to react the same way that I do in certain situations. Or, the things she fears most, she'll react instantly like her life is in danger. It's really not normal for a four year old to act that way. It especially became apparent when during the fireworks. The loud, unexpected noise frightens her too the point that she practically faints. I see my reactions in her. She gets pale, she shakes, her eyes get wild, her pulse skyrockets...etc. So I'm trying to make sure she feels as secure as she can. I'm hoping as time goes by, it wanes.

 

[anthony]

No... I don't discuss it with my children. My teenager knows that he is to limit the stupid things he does, and be aware that by doing stupid things, it will impact my stress levels. Impact my stress levels beyond calmness, and people tend to start ducking for cover around this house, and a teenager can end up looking pretty silly to his friends. He knows enough to not piss me off, and think about others, and not just himself. Whilst he does this, all things are good, as I have my PTSD pretty much under control.

 

[doobie]

hi all
well with my children i didn't get into discussion about things unless they asked a question...i explained that sometimes i am hurting inside like when some one has a broken knee or whatever...that it was the same but deep inside me, explaining why i would do things, that i was hurt badly and when it comes to inside hurt it sometimes doesn't heal..but cuddles do help..though it may not fix it...
and as they got older they approached me and asked more specific questions and i answered then yet not detailed they don't need to be traumatised..
and they do stop asking..and i hope they neva really understand what its like... and my son just turned 18 and before he got his license and car he used to say mum you will neva have to be scared again cause if you do i will be able to drive over and make sure you are safe...beautiful...now i would like some private time for my breakdowns and crashes....
any how hope this gives you something else to consider...
be strong fellow survivor

 

[jods]

Hi

I have a 14 & 9yr stepdaughters ( we have them on the weekend) & we have a 3 yr.

The youngest 2 don't really notice. Dad is just Dad but sometimes he's grumpy.

I'm not sure what the oldest girl has disscussed with her Dad. She knows that Dad was in an accident & he hasn't been the same since.

I have spoken to her and told her that her Dad will tell her what he feels comfortable to tell her. I have also told her that I am seeing a doc to help me work through the changes that have happened to her Dad.

I also told her if she EVER feels that she needs someone to talk to about how she feels about seeing what has happened to her Dad that she should see her school counsellor or ask me to help her find someone she can talk to.

I just hope it helps.

Jods

 

[doobie]

hi jods
i assume that you are talking about the 14yr old....and assume also that the accident happened in recently...
what about finding out through your doc if there is reading material that you can both sit with and it would be a great opportunity for you both to connect with each other.
.. and maybe come up with suggestions that she could do to help her dad....the littlest thing can be the biggest thing....and would make her feel helpful....what do you think?

 

[jods]

Hi Doobie
Thanks, thats a good idea about reading material from the doc. I have a good bond with her & her Dad has told her how/what she can do to help him.
We tell her if she wants to know something all she has to do is ask.
She has been fantastic & we are lucky that she is a good kid.
The accident was oct last yr.

 

[doobie]

hi jods
that is so great that you are all trying to work 2gether....
you to must be having such a struggle coping with so much....
i hope you give your self time out to..and remember to be kind to yourself too..
try as hard as it seems to make what seems to be a weakness be your strength as well.....
your children are lucky that you are both open to outside support as well...
just wondering to you get support emotionally from family etc...
you seem such a strong determined person...keep up the good work..

 

[jods]

Hi Doobie
My family have been very supportive. My bro got me into a doc thru his job at the gov at no cost to me. I made sure I saw someone within the 1st 3mths of the accident because I knew i would struggle with the extra "workload".
I sit in on some of the sessions if the docs ask for my input to how hubby is going. It was good because I was learning CBT & unfortunately for my hubby, it wasn't very helpful at the moment.
So Yes I do take care of myself.
Thanks 4 the positive feedback

 

[Deleted member 93]

I have 4 kids and it was very hard when I had my "nervous break down" to hide anything. My 2 yo is clueless except that she knows mommy is "sick" and when I have panic attacks she holds me and pets me. They are very aware even so young. My 8 year old knows I have a panic disorder and is a very sharp kid and he knows when I am getting pushed too far and where to put the breaks on. My 13 year old daughter is a pain in the ass who finds it ammusing to push my buttons and send me over the edge, I am in a constant battle with her, she is a very cold mean thing... A teen girl being an ass is not a shocker though and try to tell my self that. She is also not the sharpest tool in the shed as she doesn't realize she is playing with fire. She knows I have a panic disorder and has PTSD and gets all huffy because she is getting drug to the hospital or doc when mom goes, other kids worry about me. My oldest teen son going on 15 and he is a very sharp boy and a brainiac in the jr. national honor society. He knows what I have and has done research because that is what he does. He has an understanding of it and that I had to go through a lot to get this "broken". He does not and will not know the details how I got here.

Again, I found it is a condtion impossible to hide from my family when PD kicked in and sent me seeking treatment and took about a year to get diagnosed by 2 different docs. They all know I go to treatment once a week as they get drug along! And have the "joys" of seeing me go through withdrawals off the meds originally used to try and control this beast, I have learned I need to control it.

As far as what you tell them needs to be based on their level of maturity and I don't beleive they need details in any form as to how you got there beyond trauma. But when it turn your house inside out like mine I felt a need for some sort of explaination and did so based on maturity levels as to what to say.