Comparing Rape To Being Cheated On

[The Albatross]

Yes, I have found it harder but we were counseled and also independently mentored for 14-16 weeks in our church. I have only recently resumed agency work and evening assignments (I was working nights teaching swim lessons when the incidents occurred). It is an effort to fight off the insecure feelings. I am trying to normalize the experience and manage the stress.

My husband has a block on his computer, and I am free to check it as I wish. His phone as well. So that has helped some. His corporate computer doesn't allow browsing (it's networked to the national company server) so there is no concern there for me.) But, yeah, it has been tough. My last traumatic break was due to this and his deception about his small business. Trust can be recovered, I had to study it independently... time and consistency in behavior help, but the fear is hard to deal with.


Off topic, carry on. Just wanted to validate Jlso.

 

[Core]

I know from personal experiances that when my husband cheated on me my ptsd got worse.

When creating the first post I didn't mean to say that being cheated on is not painful on its own, and I can absolutely see it worsening already existing PTSD symptoms. I only meant to say that comparing the experience itself to rape frustrates me, and that in a "healthy" individual will likely not create the same reactions, though it could of course still cause trust issues (that may either disappear on their own or take work to fix).

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

that in a "healthy" individual will likely not create the same reactions, though it could of course still cause trust issues

I agree 110%

 

[Abstract]

Hi Hashi,

There is nothing to be sorry about at all. Noone said anything wrong. And when it comes to this stuff and me I am as close to being truly insane as I have ever been and I certainly don't require anything from anyone or anything to make my life a misery.:rolleyes: I do that quite sufficiently and effectively all on my own! How I choose to torment myself is no ones fault.

I think it is quite possible that I am still being misunderstood. My purpose in putting that article up right at the beginning was to clearly state that they are different experiences.

Core discussed here how people were saying that they are, and they are not. When I said that people wantrf to link their experiences to PTSD because of invalidation issues I was not meaning that I thought it was helpful for them to do so or for them to be "validated" by agreeing. I do not think that someone who isn’t traumatised should be encouraged to think they are. I guess for me the trick of it is to validate their experiences whilst still correcting the misinformation.

I was rather attempting to say that yes, other experiences may have an impact on people but in a different way - and that goes for experience, body reactions and consequences. That a breach of trust alone without trauma tends to make us doubt ourselves and the world whilst PTSD trauma results in the body being stuck in survival mode and if interpersonal is often accompanied by the loss of trust in self and others. Being stuck in terror mode is not the same as being depressed and loosing belief in self and others.

I don't believe it is validating or helpful for someone to be misdiagnosed. I don't believe it helps them know where to steer themselves to get well and don't believe it helps them get the most appropriate help. I do believe in knowing all the information first before judging as things find things can be very different to how they first appear.

I will admit that I did not re-read the article carefully and rather glimpsed over it. I had it in my "stash" of articles and remembered it as stating the differences and different possible outcomes but in a way that did not totally dismiss someone's non trauma experiences. I have to say that I don't have the concentration at present to read over it again but I am sorry to hear it isn't clear!

I didn't mean to say

Core,
I actually did not perceive you as invalidating all category A type experiences or cheating and rather saw you as questioning people saying that being cheated on and rape are the same thing. I think your feelings about it are legitimate hence me “liking” your first post.

And I definitely agree that any betrayal in my life brings up other PTSD symptoms. I have not been cheated on (and I don't think that I would find it truly difficult because I struggle to trust anyone ever so am not as invested - but who knows!) but betrayal in other contexts such as adult bullying for example has been destabilising. I guess that can be for two reasons. One that it is a stressor and the second that there can actually be triggers present. I absolutely hate that I react that way. And I hate that it has happened so often in my life. It adds to the feeling that I can't protect myself and that I am weak.