Comparing Rape To Being Cheated On

[Abstract]

"co-occuring behaviors" substance abuse/addiction and mental illness or disorder.

Alba, I suspect that even though it appears that you are thinking differently there are much more similarities than there appears.

Complex trauma even though it is not a an official diagnoses normally includes such things as personality disturbance, dissociation and disturbances in relationships with oneself, and these are very strongly linked to substance abuse and addiction and general mental illness and disorder.

Things such as a baby not being responded to when it cries or such as a mother not loving their child contribute enormously to these things. As does emotional and verbal abuse and neglect.

There are much less people who are traumatised in the PTSD sense but neglect and emotional abuse and the lack of support for a childs self esteem as it grows up is hugely linked to not being able to regulate emotion and disturbances in self formation which in turn is hugely linked to addictions, self harm other mental health issues and personality disturbances.

All of us know that reliving is something that is different to anything else. I think its just easier to treat if one started from a place of being able to regulate ones emotions, has a strong sense of self before and has close and functional relationships.

 

[Pencil]

I guess my brain just doesn't work the way most others do. I sort my basket of difficulties and disorders into three things: Trauma, adversity, and consequence. It works for me.

But that is saying: 'the truck is blue'. I'm referring to what the experts think, not how it looks in my own mind.

 

[The Albatross]

deleted cross posted.

 

[The Albatross]

My therapist was very clear that it wasn't up to me to even go there. What was important was how I was going to cope. Short of a full fledged trauma, adversity or consequence best serve me and I was guided toward effective coping and or problem solving. The core traumas were addressed in therapy... all else was either adversity or consequence. It is proving to be effective for me. That's all I'm saying. I wanted results, I wanted to feel and function better and more predictably.

Bigh sigh. Hard to explain. But, I self examine and ask myself frequently, "is the truck really blue" because I spend some time and effort questioning my own perceptions in and out of therapy. Allowing myself to think the truck is purple and act accordingly is a quagmire that would have kept me in therapy for many many more years. As it is, I guess I'm at about 5 years of intermittant therapy (periods up to 1 1/2 years at a time through the last 15 years). I didn't have the time or money to deal with it all.... I wanted express service. The most effective way to solve the problems I had with living.

I did get that.

Got to go...

 

[Pencil]

Dear Albatross

You are hereby cordially invited to peruse post #40 for an explication of the notable differences between T and t trauma, and which might arguably and justifiably provide reasons why it should not erroneously be assumed that BIG and LITTLE denote magnitude or severity, or even, validity.

Yours in healing

Pencil

 

[Pencil]

I think its just easier to treat if one started from a place of being able to regulate ones emotions, has a strong sense of self before and has close and functional relationships.

Absolutely.

 

[The Albatross]

Not today, I just got in and am beat. But as I am no authority and my opinion is based on my personal experiences on my own and in therapy, an opinion is all it is. I'll consider it though and if I wake up early enough in the morning (have two clients to see plus the pools and my mother in laws) I'll try to write something.

I did try to reread it, but my mind is jumping around and I'm having a hard time concentrating. Strangulation though is in my list of "big T" traumas. My first husband did that to me, sometimes but not always followed by a rape.

I can relate to Post 40 for another reason, the disciplinary thing. My dad would beat the hell out of me in the living room with my mom and younger sitting on the sofa on the couch. They weren't allowed to leave. Eventually, both my mom and brother accepted their role and were like you describe, mildly interested. It was intensely disturbing. I'll think and sleep on it.

What in particular on that post would you most like to discuss? If you could state it a bit more clearly, I'll try.

 

[Pencil]

But as I am no authority and my opinion is based on my personal experiences on my own and in therapy, an opinion is all it is

Thanks, Albatross, I think we now agree. I'll add something tomorrow when I have more time.

 

[The Albatross]

A bit confused but if it works for you, then that's okay by me. Rape, strangulation, and physical abuse for me (traumas), that my family witnessed smiling, laughing, or making comments during the abuse (adversity). In my case, my father was humiliating me but they weren't present most often voluntarily. He told them to be there. I decided that dysfunctional family stuff was best handled by me as "adversity".

I get confused when on a discussion thread people talk about agreeing or disagreeing. It is a discussion. It is nice to agree with others, sure. But I consider it optional as what I write is based on my experience and how my mind worked to get me more functional and have less day to day stress. Am I low balling my family's participation in the abuse? Maybe... but in my mind, if it isn't life threatening or a crime.... it's adversity and I choose to deal with the resultant feelings as best as I can as such without obsessively or compulsively revisiting the events. I stick to the core traumas and attempt to manage the rest.

 

[Hashi]

Big t causes PTSD, little t causes complex trauma. Different things, and complex trauma is in fact more devastating, and far more difficult to treat.

I think generally in this thread, I'm wondering if there's a intermixing of the term trauma with the term PTSD. At any rate, I'm feeling confused about which is being referrred to sometimes. I'm more certain that we're not always using a shared terminology or definitions.

In the UK, I'm not aware of a definition for "complex trauma" but the Royal College of Psychiatrists (RCP) has a term "complex PTSD", which is defined as a possible reaction for:
People who have repeatedly experienced:
severe neglect or abuse as an adult or as a child
severe repeated violence or abuse as an adult, such as torture or abusive imprisonmentLink Removed

This is not related by the RCP to big T or little t trauma (which isn't discussed) but maybe there are other terms and definitions elsewhere, and in other countries.

Pencil, I have to say I'm uncomfortable with a general statement that says one thing is more devastating and more difficult to treat. A personal viewpoint would be different, but you seem to be saying it as an established general fact. I'm not sure how to interpret your statement, since we aren't sharing the same terminology. Are there references for this?

 

[Pencil]

Are there references for this?

Hashi, always the voice of reason :) I appreciate your post.

I agree that there is confusion around terminology, and a clear distinction between the two - as well as lack of knowledge I guess.

Yes, there are references, but not in the DSM, but from people like Van der Kolk, Courtois, Siegel, etc. I'll find and post. I know that there is the attitude that if it is not in the DSM or equivalent, it 'doesn't exist', but my take on that is: was the world flat before the powers that be accepted Galileo's theory? I can't help looking at things from a historical perspective, knowing that our current knowledge is very incomplete. Not too long ago many of us on this forum would have been given lobotomies! :eek: We have to concede there is a growing body of research in this area, and the research findings support one other. Despite the strong drive to have complex trauma included in the DSM 5, it didn't happen - possibly because there are competing diagnoses, such as Developmental Deficit Disorder and Early Relational Trauma. But these in actually supplement one another, and don't compete.

But, before I get carried away, let me see if I can find articles that relate to this.

 

[Abstract]

Alba,

I really think I understand where you are coming from with this. I can see why the concept of little t trauma would be unhelpful for you. Even though it is not describing PTS trauma as such you already have enough trauma to deal with and using the terminology possibly muddies things for you.

If I am understanding then your therapist understands you well. Understands that looking back too much and the why is not that helpful to you and that rather looking forwards and what you can do is helpful. And for that reason (how to approach various events) the two of you have divided your experiences into trauma, adversity and then consequences. Its clear and simple and seems to help you from feeling overwhelmed and have an idea how each needs to be approached.

So :tup: for you. :)