Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder: The Choice To Remain Ill Or Not?

[zeldazonk]

I don't think any two people experience life the same way and I certainly never thought I knew all of your story.
I said as much in one of my posts.
Best, Z.

 

[zeldazonk]

Sorry about the double up!:eek:
I know this isn't the time or the place but...
TO THOSE WHO HAVE CONTACTED ME PERSONALLY, I'm having huge trouble connecting to this server and I can't access my inbox or your profile page so I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

 

[zeldazonk]

OK I need to remove myself from this.

Anthony, I'm so disappointed that you never bothered to address my original (and, I think reasonable) concerns and instead got defensive and tore into my post and me.

All the best to everyone else.
Zel.

 

[Lucycat]

Wow.
I'm sad that I have found this thread so late.
But so relevent to what I have been discussing this week.

I am anxious in social settings. Will avoid parties, groups etc etc. My husband wants me to tackle it and rise to the challenge. Initially I refused. My argument is there is no point. I can continue avoiding these situations. I want to stay in my comfort zone. Where is the problem?

But then I heard his voice ... ' but what about me?' .
He wants to attend these functions, He hates making excuses on my behalf. He wants to go with me, together.

It has really made me realise the effect my behaviour is having on him. We are a couple, and yes we are not joined at the hip. We have separate hobbies and outlets but nonetheless we are happily married and have been for many years. We are together because we love each other and enjoy each other's company. He is very supportive and has never complained before. But now he sees that I am working hard to get better, and is worried that I have steadfastly refused to tackle this issue.

I have heard him. I am scared of moving forward with this. I know it will not be easy. I also know that I have to own this challenge and do it for me. But I WILL do it! ( although it may take a while to become an expert ;))

 

[TLight]

I really don't see Zelda as trying to gain sympathy or an 'OK' your stuck in your healing message from anyone at all.

I do believe that some people with all sorts of mental disorders or vices would rather stay in denial and feel helpless. I've been around them and I seem to be able to sense it keep my distance from them.

But, really, this is the internet and Zelda's words are a bunch of black and white symbols and no one is really able to detect the human behind them. Frankly, to me it sounds like she is doing her best, as she stated, yet still really struggles with the symptoms of PTSD.

I myself, having been through something??? horrific??? and terribly so beginning at a very young age and then the continuing crazyness of an out-of-control vicious family, can totally understand where she is at. It is not that I haven't tried pushing myself to confront my traumas, I do every day, but when you can't even recall them???? I mean really tough.

So I'm not sitting around on my arse saying I can't get better. In fact, I'm forcing myself to deal with a very triggering client next week simply for the reason of attempting to deal with the symptoms and thought patterns as they arise and trying to conquer them and retrain my brain. I'm not throwing up my hands and saying there's nothing I can do, I simply have NO memory to go talk to anyone about??? I've talked about the rest, and that helped a bit, but as far as dealing with a trigger like this slime, the therapist gave me techniques to stay grounded, I have the support of a husband to try to keep my perspective, etc etc. What more can therapy do?

You all say PTSD is not curable but manageable right?

Even with all the work I've done, when the phone rang yesterday with this guy I dissociated majorly! I was at my volunteer job doing some clerical work and I don't even remember what it was, I don't remember driving home the next few minutes! I was 'gone' practically the whole freakin day!

So, call me 'stuck', judge me in 'denial', say I love the sympathy of having PTSD symptoms and that I don't want to get well.
Anthony, gotta tell you sometimes you are way off base, generalize, and act like the guru of healing. Back off I say.

 

[Abbi]

You can apply this to people as simple as AA... 20 years on and they're still in an AA meeting, stuck. They won't make a choice to let go and walk a path, make a path for themselves, and accept their behaviour. Instead they need to be recognised and part of something that is destructive after a certain point of healing, yet deny that, and refuse to let go

OUCH, broad paintbrush in hand I see.

This is only my opinion from what I have observed in numerous rooms and based on what I think is human nature as I think I start to see bits and pieces of the same here, as well illustrated by this thread.(Just so you know I'm not a big AA guru, I spent lot of time in the rooms, saw wonderful things and saw problems just as with any other group of human beings. I spend less time in the rooms of AA now, not because I don't see its value but because I moved my time for such to a different step based program, Celebrate Recovery if it makes any difference)

You will see those that have maintained sobriety but stay because they remain in the same behavior patterns and they find comfort in those patterns. The classic dry drunk. Many times they are the person MOST forefront in telling the newcomer still struggling "how to do it" and that their way is the "only way to do it", they are consummately adept at manipulating the Big Book to their own means. Don't challenge them, because your opinions, interpretation, experience is clearly inferior to their own. Its there way or no way and you will get a huge dose of defensiveness if they feel challenged in the least, their authority is supreme cause they view themselves as recovered.

You will also find the people that even after 20 years and successful recovery will spend their time and energy in the rooms. Why? Because they are stuck? I don't think so. Many are there genuinely because they are trying to carry out the 12th step and 5th tradition...carrying the message.

A few years ago when I left a wonderful wonderful treatment program that was trauma centered they gave me an after-care plan. First thing on it was within 24 hours to attend an AA meeting. Why? Prior to treatment I had been abusing alcohol to numb and one of their main thoughts was "alcohol is but a symptom but so long as reliance on abusing substances happens it blocks further progress". So I did what I was told. Let me tell you over the next few weeks of being in the "rooms" daily I discovered some sick people. Much like any gathering of people. Nevertheless I stuck it out, and began to notice people that "had what I wanted". When they spoke there was just something there...serenity perhaps. I began to talk to a few of them and thank God I did.

One became a wonderful friend and supporter and coach and sounding board.......

He was NOT in the rooms 25 years later because he was stuck or because he needed some sort of recognition. He was there to share his experience, strength and hope just as someone had done for him years earlier. If all those that find their way in a healthy manner leave the rooms, or a forum, or support groups....who is there to pass it on? There should be more angels. I am blessed daily that those angels were "stuck" in the rooms. Imagine a newcomer meeting only newcomers to help them and guide them.

I said in an earlier post this thread seems to have just gone defensive and everyone in their corner defending unknown positions. Perhaps we need to apply a little principals before personalities.