News Complicated Grief Needs Specific Treatment - Losing a Loved One is Not PTSD

[Abstract]

Science always talks and shows proof of things. Sometimes, it doesn't work for everybody.

Hi Kat,

I am not sure if I am misunderstanding but if you are doubting that the suicide could lead to PTSD then you need not be. That would fall within the criteria from what I understand.

And if it does not lead to PTSD and is complex trauma it does not take away from your real feelings about it. Take care.

 

[Whitneys story]

I completely agree with Anthony's conclusions. Should the criteria for diagnosing continue to run amuck at the whim of the individual therapists, rather than the truth of the disorder; many will continue being misdiagnosed.

Being misdiagnosed is simply a new invalidation which will not bring anyone to the truth. The actions of the majority are not in the patients best interest. I am in the US, sadly but true; diagnosing is done with coding. It is merely a numbers game which has been forced on the best of them.

I was widowed at the age of 22, three months earlier my father in law was murdered. Traumatizing of course, finding strength from allowing myself the reality that I did all I could; I recovered.

The most damaging experiences occured when I allowed others to control me. I question everything in my best interest. Facts, research and evidence; no one is going to do it for me! My hope is that others find the road to recovery.

 

[Britt.f7]

I, for one, hate to be labeled. Go ahead, name it if you must, but let's move on to the treatment part of it. I just want to heal. Please help me do that. Help me stop what I consider the bad part of me. Help me live a somewhat normal life.

One's traumatic issue may not be another's.

It's funny how I didn't necessarily care about the diagnosis of my mental health, but I did care when they finally diagnosed my physical ailment. Not sure why that is.

 

[Abstract]

Go ahead, name it if you must, but let's move on to the treatment part of it. I just want to heal. Please help me do that. .

Britt,
I think belabouring terms and semantics can be a distraction at the best sometimes. Human beings are so much more that a label. You are totally right that what is important is help and healing and being heard.

 

[Tinyflame]

I agree entirely, in so far as I've had so many 'trauma's', but in no way, shape or form did they produce ptsd, even if they were horrific, life-threatening, and/ or devastatingly sorrowful. PTSD symptoms materialized when I least expected them (well, I didn't even know it existed).

I did not consider anything 'trauma's', either. I think that if I could have spoken to someone, it wouldn't have occurred. To this day I have been very blessed to have had help (now), in that I could say what was going on. I think it's prevented much.

 

[Abstract]

PTSD symptoms materialized when I least expected them

I did not consider anything 'trauma's', either. I think that if I could have spoken to someone, it wouldn't have occurred. To this day I have been very blessed to have had help (now), in that I could say what was going on. I think it's prevented much.

Junebug,
I relate to all of that and agree. I too had the floor fall out of the bottom of my world at around age 40. I don't understand how this happens and how there can be such a delay. It seems to me that it does get stored there even though we don't know it. And then one thing sets it off and it all comes crashing down. For me I wonder if it was a combination of my healing as well as hitting triggers. And the triggers that happened would not have fit in with the criteria for PTSD. But they definitely linked directly to it in certain ways. Delay in onset is not unusual it seems as hard as it is to understand. I even heard that retirement can be what sets it off. Hugs to you.

I also have to say that I certainly did show signs of it throughout even though it was not quite all of these signs (I think).

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh yes, exactly Abstract, though my experience was a bit different. The ptsd presented itself early, around 14 through 15, I mean all the symptoms did. I thought it was me. Characteristically of that happening, from what I know of ptsd, I then (from 14 onwards), tried to cope (and cope with the symptoms); it got progressively worse and more desperate. Of course, even my coping attempts were causing more pain (short term coping or relief for long term pain). It followed a death and though sudden and unexpected, should not really fit the criteria either (on its own).

When I fell apart at 38-ish, the triggering event had nothing to do with that. But since then I've had much reminders (or FB's, re-living of things/ memories/ emotions I would otherwise not have recalled- and never did), that go well back. I was on my own raising myself in many respects from about 5 up, and had burdens then an adult couldn't manage now. I guess it made an impact. Though it was no one's fault, in the sense that I completely kept it to myself, almost without exception. And also those that were supposed to be 'around' (watching you as a kid, or providing), were saying they were but mostly weren't there. So I managed everything myself. But it was ok. Not normal, however.

Perhaps you are right- that healing preceeded breakdown. I always thought I was just too worn out. But oddly enough prior to it I remember feeling better than ever. I want to try to get there again. But I guess it truly is painful to go 'thru' previous traumas again. Anthony said it's harder than the first time (because we blocked it out, and tried to avoid it). I know I certainly did- with everything. Under the explanation to myself it was 'nothing', or others had it worse, or I was told not to, or if I survived (an indivual happening) then so what, or people couldn't be 'told' on (about), etc, or it was somehow my fault. Whtaever explanation, it all had the same end result.

((((((Big big Hugs for you, and everyone))))).

 

[Tinyflame]

I guess what I am saying is, I recognize that prior to age 14, (and apart from several deaths prior to age 14), from about 5, I already experienced a lot of grief.

And so just maybe, that makes this a complicated grief issue. Because it certainly is a grief issue, and it's sure complicated! :confused::unsure::tdown::sorry:

 

[Tinyflame]

Come, to think of it, ALL of my FB's involve death, or funerals, or dying, eg related stuff. Not my own near-death times only others'. After their deaths or preceeding it, during their struggles. :(

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My mom was killed in a plane crash when I was nineteen years old. It was very traumatic for me. They burned to death. I had nightmares of my mom burning up. It took along time to get used to the idea. I think my grief was complicated. I did not receive compassion for her death. I was plenty angry about it for a very long time.

I have healed finally at last. The one that scares me is losing my husband. I do not know how I will handle it. Interesting topic.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think death is the ultimate reality. It is harsh, stark, and quite real, and lingers for a long time. There is no denial buffer in losing a loved one. It is surreal. It is a nightmare and it takes along time to heal. I hate death. It closes a door on a relationship and it can never be opened again.

Not to mention the mountains of details and paperwork involved when you are your most vulnerable. I will need help with something like this. I cannot imagine going through this alone. Just my two cents.

 

[Tinyflame]

((((((Dear dear Gizmo))))). I hear you. (((((((Biggest of Hugs))))).

Yes, you see for me, you just said it, it doesn't 'linger for a long time', it never leaves. Never, at some level. Including fearing relationships and loss in the future, (that's over and above the first).

I am so sorry, as regards your mom, and the circumstances and realities surrounding it. :( I can only imagine your nightmares, and the horror surrounding both what was real and in your mind's eye. :( And reconciling the numbness +/or mixed emotions.

I was just thinking, before I had even read your's, my dad's death at 14, though unexpected and an illness, was a violent death. Or more specifically violent suffering followed by a peaceful death (very likely a hospital-precipitated morphine overdose). I intuited the violence of it even then and a lifetime of caring so many times for the dying since I was correct. And indications were given otherwise- not even the Dr or Hosp staff expected it that quickly. I say that (all) as a 'weather report'. But I was thinking, it's hard at 14 or any age, to pray someone dies, knowing what loss it will be, for yourself and specifically others also. I guess I probably feel guilty in some ways for that, guilty that I wanted another option or scenario to pray for.

I know I must be screwed up, because some part of me (in terms of believing there is a 'heaven later), doesn't really want to see again people who I've loved. Part is shame, I think, maybe a very very very large part. Idk. Maybe part is just too painful to think of them at all, even that they're ok now. It's still a reminder and the wounds cut too deep.

(((((Gizmo))))).