Compulsive Need for Trauma Details

[Friday]

Is this normal for ptsd, or something else like OCD?

It’s pretty normal for both of those, as well as other disorders & conditions, intersecting with trauma.

 

[Muttly]

think it's partly me thinking that if I can remember it all then I can see where I went wrong, or find something I could have changed to make it not happen.

This is very understandable. It can be a bit of a trap though. I'll give an example. I had a friend sexually assault me. I can remember all the details. I could decide that if I hadn't acted in a certain way, that could have been interpreted as flirting it wouldn't have happened. My brain just keeps giving me other things I could have changed. It doesn't bring me a sense of safety though. I should have known better than inviting her over that night. I should have done better at saying "no". There's no magical aha moment that if I had just done this one thing, I would have been safe. That's because, what my mind is really trying to protect me from is the fact that something awful happened that I did not have control over. Yeah, I could have controlled all those things, but the fact is it was someone else doing something to me. Someone else disregarding me and using their power to cause me harm. That's the hard truth my brain has to come terms with. That's where things like radical acceptance can come in.