Relationship Concerns In Reconciling With Sufferer After Lengthy Separation

[Valentine12]

Curious if any supporters who have split with their sufferers for a length of time were comfortable taking the person back after the separation, particularly if the sufferer was the one who pushed the supporter away/ended the relationship. Any insight would be appreciated.

 

[Friday]

Yes.

The trick, with me, is to be pretty straightforward in what you need/want.

That way I can work out what I need/want. And how those things (mine & theirs) intersect.

I very rarely take issue with most kinds of isolation when I'm dating someone. There are clear exceptions to that rule. Any one of those exceptions take place? Then we're usually through, done, finis. We can maybe be friends but not lovers or partners. Once certain lines are crossed I don't come back from those. Once certain other lines are crossed, I may wish someone well in their life, but we ain't friends. Cross my last set of boundaries? They're dead to me, at best.

I realize this is pretty vague, but boundaries are highly individual. There are things I'm fine with which are deal breakers to others, and vice versa; there's also the fact that my boundaries change depending on who I'm dating / are individual that way, as well.

 

[anthony]

Cross my last set of boundaries? They're dead to me, at best.

Very black and white there. :D I can understand that.

 

[Valentine12]

Thanks for the replies. There wasn't necessarily any substantive conflict or boundary crossing that precipitated the separation- it was more alienation/withdraw based on the threat of intimacy. He never fully trusted me, but could admit that it was not due to any breach of trust on my part- however, now I feel like I can't trust him since he isn't able to regulate emotions at this point which in turn results in behaviors that have been very hurtful to me and damaging to the relationship. I've made a lot of space and concessions for the C-PTSD, but he's not engaged in treatment or attempting to get better, so I think the likelihood of these patterns continuing if we were to reconcile is high. I'm still hopeful that in time he might become motivated for addressing the issues, but I'm also realistic and aware that I can't force that process or wait around to see what might change.