Confessing To My Therapist

[Olog]

but given that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, I may be barking up the wrong tree....

It sounds to me like you have some understanding about accepting responsibility for actions and that is going to help your BPD a lot. That is so important for developing and being able to tolerate good boundaries so well done to you.

Ido, I would start with a strong and feeling statement (which would be totally honest considering what you discuss here in your first post) about how upset I am that I did what I did and emphasise that I can now see how wrong it was and that treatment with the T is what helped me get where I presently am.

On point two I would rather emphasise that part of telling is about respecting your T's right to know what happened.

On point 3 I would not say anything that implies that there are still these thoughts going on in the present. I think you need to clearly imply that things have changed and create a clear period of months between what happened and now. Especially as it seems that is the case from what you say in your first post Ido.

I would be as direct as possible about feelings or thoughts and avoid anything that could be seen as manipulative. Jahuco, I think some of those points are not quite direct enough and I don't mean this critically but rather as an observation - there is a little unintentional manipulation in them. By that I mean saying things to try to illicit certain feelings and change someone's actions. Only a little.

 

[Ema]

I really do not understand why this is such an awful thing. I once looked up my therapist to see where they lived. I guess I was curious as to their level of affluence. As I guess they appeared to be SUPER affluent. I really started to not like my therapist and the fact that they had this luxurious life made them grate on me even more. As if it was a hobby for my female therapist to get back into practice late in life. I was thinking to myself I bet I can figure out where she lives just by what kind of person she is and I was completely right. I never drove by their house but if they lived nearer maybe I would have. You talk to these people is it really wrong to get curious. Won't everybody get curious. Please, you are not the only one to do this. Patients get curious too. And like you said the information is just right there.

You are not sick there is nothing so wrong with that in my opinion. You didn't mention how often you went by their house. Is that what is bothering you? The amount of times you did it? Why do you think you did it? Where you just curious or what was it do you suppose.

Don't beat yourself up though you are not a horrible person.

 

[Retelap]

oh sorry I have to work on my listening skills. I reread you've been by 20 times in two years.

Do you think maybe you have a crush on him? Or is that completely off base? I've read that's pretty common in patient/therapist relationships. It just happens because.. I can't remember. But I remember there is a theory is called transference or something.

 

[Olog]

I really do not understand why this is such an awful thing.

It a boundary violation and I think if you can't see what is wrong with it then it might be very worthwhile thinking if you are able to see and respect others boundaries. I don't mean that in a harsh way at all and rather a kind and advising way.

I once looked up my therapist to see where they lived.

This is also a boundary violation of sorts.

 

[Olog]

To Ido- I hope you are OK and not too distressed by all that has been discussed. Let us know how you go.

 

[Cavumu]

I hope things are going well also, Ido. I really would like to know how you're doing. My thoughts are with you.

But I remember there is a theory is called transference or something.

That is actually very true and something to keep in mind. I've felt attracted to my T a time or two before and it can be really intense even when you know what it is. That's why boundaries are especially important to keep in the therapeutic relationship both as a patient and a Therapist. If you're willing to drive past your T's house, it's healthy to realize that it isn't okay to do so.

That being said, doing these things does NOT make anyone a bad person. We are unwell, dealing with our mental illness in the best way we can. But we also have to remember that it isn't just about us. We live in a world with other people and it is not their job to put up with our dysfunctional behaviors. It is OUR job to manage them. Ido is doing that bravely and I applaud Ido for handling it with so much grace. I hope their T can see that and feel true empathy because it's clear they're trying to fix a mistake and grow from the experience.

 

[Jikeg]

Hi! When I was in high school, I had a really rough time, lots of trauma, little support. My teachers were my lifeline to normalcy. I became very involved with them, as teacher's assistant, and in other ways, as I could. One had me help at a party she hosted once, with a friend of mine, set out food and such. After that, I used to go by her house a few times. It was so reassuring to me, to think of such a nice person, and know she existed, compared to the pretty scary ones I lived with and dealt with in other situations.

Something that strikes me, about what you've done, is that you haven't hurt anyone!!! You haven't invaded her home, you haven't destroyed any property, you haven't harrassed her, etc. I am *guessing* that what you did helped you with some type of anxiety? It's hard to feel so insecure or however we're feeling, that we feel the need to do that. It just shows me you are really struggling, and I am sorry for that.

I hope you won't beat yourself up. I hope your therapist will see your struggle and be kind, not feel too threatened. If you wanted to hurt her, you wouldn't need to know where she lives. I hope she keeps perspective about this habit of yours. Best of luck!

 

[Olog]

Ido is doing that bravely and I applaud Ido for handling it with so much grace. I hope their T can see that and feel true empathy because it's clear they're trying to fix a mistake and grow from the experience.

Me too. Well said.

 

[Ogu]

Hey, this is Ido, not sure if it'll showme up as that or not.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice/opinions.

I told my therapist today. And...was shocked. He already knew! He knew within a month of when it started! He told me that he's never worried about his safety with me, and he knows I'd never hurt him. He said he just wants to talk about it, find out why it happened, but that he doesn't want to shame me because I do enough of that myself. He's not firing me from therapy, and just wants to work through it further.

I'm utterly shocked that he's known for the last 2 years and didn't do anything. It makes my head and heart hurt...he really, really cares about me. I'm so blessed to have him as my therapist!

 

[Olog]

Oh I am so glad for you!! :) I suspect that you actually posted this thread and talked through it like you did shows exactly how aware you are.

I do enough of that myself

It seems your therapist knows you very well (there are many subtleties that go behind behaviour like this) and cares about you. I think you need to take a big part of the credit here along with your therapist.

Keep growing!

 

[Esani]

It a boundary violation and I think if you can't see what is wrong with it then it might be very worthwhile thinking if you are able to see and respect others boundaries. I don't mean that in a harsh way at all and rather a kind and advising way.

This is also a boundary violation of sorts.

I should clarify to say I don't understand the level of harshness from the other posters. They acted like she committed a far worse crime then she did.

I definitely in no way have a problem with boundaries. No on in my life has anyone in my life has ever complained of any such thing. I just did not really care for that therapist and wanted to see if she was the "north-field nancy" she seemed like. And she was. End of story and end of therapy sessions.

 

[Wozubi]

I really don't see the problem here. I drive right past T's house at least 10 times a week. Every single time I check to see if his car is in his drive or not. If it is not there I smile to myself as I know he will be at work helping people just like me.

I would not dream of telling him and don't think he would be in the slightest concerned if I did. What boundary is there to say you cannot drive past his house - it is not like you stop, or go into his garden or anything. I am guessing you did not take photos or leave a note? How has it disrupted his privacy unless you had binoculars?

Sorry but driving past a house is a natural part of living in today's age.