Confused About Surreal Encounter With Neighbour

[Biz]

@barefoot , that does sound like a surreal situation. It would be strange in general to invite a neighbor over and then have her randomly share so much, but I guess understandable that people have a hard time, but that situation just got more out there. She sounds a bit overly people-pleasing with her comments about you and your partner. As a person who is queer, for me it's like, 'If you truly have no problem with people who are LGBT, you don't need to say that 10x to me to emphasize it because now I'm questioning that.' Then the weirdness with the hug because even before she grabbed you, when you describe that, the hug itself sounds like a violation too. I don't really nuzzle in to my friends (the one's I'm okay with touching) on the rare occasion we do hug. But I would have had the same reaction as you, unless I was wound up/angry/defensive just before, I would just freeze.

Maybe it's not your style to be so verbally direct about not being touched or not allowing her in your home, but I like the idea of role-playing with your therapist. I've done that in the past and it's helped me find my own style of assertiveness/defensiveness. It could help you in feeling more confident/powerful/safe that you'll have some kind of answer to her if she were to just drop by.

I hope for an easy resolution for you, and that she just moves out tomorrow. ;)

 

[barefoot]

Ok @scout86 - I get what you're saying about practising and that makes sense in terms of paving the way for rewiring the brain... I'll have a think about it and maybe talk to my therapist about it.

Although it blew my mind when she said she'd tell them to remove their hand from her breast, I can actually completely imagine her saying it. I get the impression that she is hardcore badass about stuff like that. I think she's a full-on boundary ninja!

Enjoy the move! ;-)

 

[sun seeker]

I haven't read through this whole thread yet so my apologies if this has been covered, but could you get a peep hole installed in your door, you know, one of those that lets you see who is outside but doesn't let them see in? That way you could open the door to other people you do want to let in while avoiding this neighbour who, I agree, is inappropriate and intrusive.

 

[barefoot]

@scout86 - I meant enjoy the movie not the move!

 

[barefoot]

Would you be comfortable maybe sending her a letter via mail and just explaining how uncomfortable the touching you made you feel?

No way I could do this...feels too awkward, too uncomfortable, too much like I'm making a big deal out of it...

She wasn't wasted I don't think....we had a couple of small glasses of wine in the two hours she was here. I guess she may have had something to drink before she came over, I don't know... But she didn't seem drunk. But then, I don't know her well enough to know what she's like when she's drunk!
At least if she was drunk, she's maybe likely to have either forgotten it or to feel embarrassed about it (so in either case, will probably want to avoid us!)

Sorry to hear you've had unwanted touches at work. Not nice at all.

 

[barefoot]

Thank you @Biz - she said that her husband is keen to put the house on the market ASAP, so fingers crossed!

It's interesting...I didn't take her comments about us to be people pleasing - they certainly didn't please me! ;-) I thought more, as you then said, that if you keep insisting that you don't have an issue, then you probably do have some kind of issue!

 

[barefoot]

could you get a peep hole installed in your door

It would mean getting a new front door as ours has glass panels. Would much prefer a solid door with a peep hole... In general, not just because of this weirdness with my neighbour. Something to think about...!

 

[sun seeker]

Would much prefer a solid door with a peep hole...

I'd like one of those too, for times when I am isolating. It wouldn't be too hard to install in a wooden door, which I have... but I'd probably have to pay for it myself as I can't see my landlords being convinced of the necessity.

 

[barefoot]

Reckon a decent handy man could install one for you for not much money?

 

[sun seeker]

Yes, probably. I could ask.

 

[Crow]

That was sexual assault. Being groped like that is not okay. Neither is imposing and over sharing but most importantly being touched in an unwanted way is never acceptable. Don't let her back 8n.

 

[Friday]

Sigh. Some people. :rolleyes: (Aka your neighbor)

I think that you were laughing it off comes from a point of strength.

I think that you were able to hash out the parts that bothered you even though you were coming from a position of strength, instead of minimizing when there were things that bothered you, or catastrophizing later (when in the moment you handled yourself quite fine), is also a good thing. Yep! That was awkward!

Boozy distraught neighbor shows up outta the blue, pours heart out, swallows both feet, and cops a feel on being shown the door. :cautious::roflmao::stop:

I think you did good.