BewitchedBewildered
Gold Member
I have been in a relationship with a man with PTSD for almost 3 years. He told me about it a year ago and I did my research and have tried to be very supportive. He did have therapy, but is not in it now.
He went through one depression that I know of that lasted for about 2-3 months and was very difficult, especially since we live about 2 ½ hours away from each other. His biggest issue seems to be social distancing. I have been trying to set my limits instead of catering to him. He can be the sweetest man one minute and then completely uninterested and almost indifferent the next. It feels like we get closer for a bit and then he shuts down and starts pushing me away. When I try to discuss it, he just say that is how he is. I love this man, but I do not know what to do.
Last weekend I was in his town and he stood me up. The next day, in response to my text, he text that a drunk drove through his neighbour's yard and he was busy with cops till 11 pm. That does not explain why he did not call or text that night. I should have talked to him about it then, but I was upset. Later I text that he basically stood me up and that he wouldn't do that to a friend, without a text or a call. And that it felt like he had been pushing me away. He did not respond and since then he won’t respond to my text messages or answer my calls. It feels horrible. I realize I have a huge fear he will just walk away one day without a look back.
Just a few weeks ago we had a talk about how I needed him to work on using words. He thinks he doesn't need to tell me I am important to him because his actions should show it. I told him I needed words, he said he would try. I felt like things were headed to a good place after that talk, but it’s like he started pulling away after that. I just don’t know how to handle it. How much can I wait for it to pass? What is the line between being understanding of his condition and being a doormat? I do believe he tries, but I think he can also be very determined not to change or compromise. I do think he cares about me, I just do not know how to handle this.
I am not a weak woman, but he is the first man I have let myself love in a very long time. Any advice on how to handle or cope or talk about distancing with someone with PTSD would really help me. I am not ready to give up on this man. I have written a real letter explaining my issues and how I am feeling. I do not know if that is a good idea or a bad one. Will that push him farther away? If he just needs time, I need to be told that. If he is done, I need to hear that. Just not sure what to do.
He went through one depression that I know of that lasted for about 2-3 months and was very difficult, especially since we live about 2 ½ hours away from each other. His biggest issue seems to be social distancing. I have been trying to set my limits instead of catering to him. He can be the sweetest man one minute and then completely uninterested and almost indifferent the next. It feels like we get closer for a bit and then he shuts down and starts pushing me away. When I try to discuss it, he just say that is how he is. I love this man, but I do not know what to do.
Last weekend I was in his town and he stood me up. The next day, in response to my text, he text that a drunk drove through his neighbour's yard and he was busy with cops till 11 pm. That does not explain why he did not call or text that night. I should have talked to him about it then, but I was upset. Later I text that he basically stood me up and that he wouldn't do that to a friend, without a text or a call. And that it felt like he had been pushing me away. He did not respond and since then he won’t respond to my text messages or answer my calls. It feels horrible. I realize I have a huge fear he will just walk away one day without a look back.
Just a few weeks ago we had a talk about how I needed him to work on using words. He thinks he doesn't need to tell me I am important to him because his actions should show it. I told him I needed words, he said he would try. I felt like things were headed to a good place after that talk, but it’s like he started pulling away after that. I just don’t know how to handle it. How much can I wait for it to pass? What is the line between being understanding of his condition and being a doormat? I do believe he tries, but I think he can also be very determined not to change or compromise. I do think he cares about me, I just do not know how to handle this.
I am not a weak woman, but he is the first man I have let myself love in a very long time. Any advice on how to handle or cope or talk about distancing with someone with PTSD would really help me. I am not ready to give up on this man. I have written a real letter explaining my issues and how I am feeling. I do not know if that is a good idea or a bad one. Will that push him farther away? If he just needs time, I need to be told that. If he is done, I need to hear that. Just not sure what to do.
