Confused and sad about my dad

[Pauline]

hi so I don't know if I've been sexually abused or not as a young child by a family member, this is hard for me to write because I've been shoving the feelings down in my gut as it is my father while I'm concerned about.

First of all I love him and still live him and have a very happy family house but lately I've been having disturbing dreams of him hurting me and I wake up disoriented, I also have a deep fear of him and I've told him I'm terrified of him but he gave me a hug anyway I've just been having weird bodily sensations around him and my inner child is terrified of him.

I don't have memories as such just odd sensations and feelings when he comes into my mind, maybe I am not on track here but it's more body sensations that are daunting me than anything else and I am scared at night.

I believe that there is such a thing as false memories but can there be such a thing as false feelings?

I don't have all the facts or specific memories but it's just how my body feels and my disturbing dreams - he's quite a big presence in my life but this has really made me sad and confused, and I'm wondering if my body is trying to tell me something but I'm just not ready yet (weather I was hurt or not or another trauma I don't know).

But some advice could be great and if something like this did happen does the body tell me even though my mind can't Xxx

 

[digger]

Hi @Pauline

You've questioned this in a few threads now over the past couple of months - this isn't a criticism, but I'm wondering if there is something in particular that you are hoping to hear from other members here as you haven't responded to your other threads about it. Can you look back at those threads and see if there was anything in the replies that you've got previously that was helpful? Or unhelpful?

I get the feeling that you are wanting a definitive answer from us on whether your dad abused you or not, but the bottom line is, no one here can give you that unfortunately, although I very much understand why you might be craving that.

Have you got any further with getting back into therapy?

 

[Pauline]

Well to be honest I'm pretty nervous to go back to therapy and nervous to mention these feelings to a therapist! I don't know how they would react if I told them but I have a combinations of trauma too so it's pretty daunting and frightening going back into therapy and trying to face everything again