Confused- Please Help- I'm Scared.

[Jen93]

Okay,
So I've been going back and forth between seeing my therapist or not for the past week. I sent her an email asking to be transferred. She said she was a little confused. I re-read the email and I'm confused too. It seems that I thought she was someone else when I was in the room waiting for my psych, so now I kind of associate her with that person, and I guess I must've thought that she was that person.... cause the email I sent her made no sense. I've also been really angry with her for the past three weeks... She accused me of not opening up, but I didn't know what to open up about....

Is it normal? To think your talking to someone connected to your trauma, and end up typing something to THEM? Like halfway through it made no sense. Is it also possible to be reminded of a person from your trauma VIA therapist, and get mad at the therapist as a result? I thought she was my teacher, and now my head hurts and I'm confused.

 

[anthony]

Everything you mentioned is possible with trauma and dissociation. If you're not opening up, then your therapist should be pushing at you... and if you don't want to participate in therapy, then your therapist should end the therapy until such time as you are ready for it.

 

[Jen93]

Okay. I think that's what was happening. Thank You So Much. I started crying seeing her reply, and I just thought I was going crazy.

 

[Helliepig]

Hi Jen,

Your mind can do funny things. I sometimes feel confused about people - whether I know them, or that they seem to be connected to someone else somehow in a way I can't explain... so I know exactly what you mean. And when stuff is being triggered from the past sometimes it makes the present feel very surreal and odd, as if everyday things are somehow connected too.

Therapy can also become very confusing when you experience transference - ie you start reacting to your therapist as if they were someone from your past, only you don't see that's what you're doing. You're busy replaying the past and quickly you can find yourself out of step with what is actually happening in the here and now.

Dissociation and trauma that can lead to all sorts of confusions. The best thing i found was to learn to observe what was happening to me without panicking- hard at times, to say the very least!!- and to learn as much as I could about it all, the theories of how trauma affects the brain, dissociation etc, and what other people experience.

It is all very strange - but makes a lot of sense once you start to let it unfold. Your brain is a very very clever thing. A good therapist will help you through itx