Confused & Stuck with Social Anxiety

[elizabeep]

A few weeks ago I started working on my Social Anxiety with my therapist. It was really hard at first but I managed to make some progress, and developed a little bit of confidence. But yesterday I had a really distressing interaction with someone and now I feel like I'm all the way back at square one.

I was at a point where I could order my own food at a restaurant, and now after that I feel like I can barely go outside. I've been doing CBT for it, but now I don't know what to do, I don't see my therapist for a week and I have things I have to get done before then.

Like normally I'd write down all my thoughts and feelings and go through them like normal. But I feel like there is no negative thoughts for me to replace or analyze. I'm just stuck with fear and frustration. Even remembering the event causes those feelings to emerge.

Does anyone have any advice?

 

[arfie]

i am no fan of advice-giving, but i have experience to share. in my own case, old habits die hard. my social anxiety may have started as coping mechanisms, etc., but by the time i arrived to psychotherapy, they were as habitual as my potty training. as therapy progressed, the old habits kept right on reasserting themselves. they still do on occasion. they don't seem to need a reason to pop up. i summarize it as, "old habits die hard."

i respond to the phenom by working my therapy tools. they work when i work them.

 

[Friday]

now I feel like I'm all the way back at square one.

No such thing.

Square one was back before you tried changing anything, had some success, and gained some self confidence… and tasted the brand spanking new fears of loss/“losing” the ground you’d fought for, asymmetric/leapfrogging progress, & what if??? (but what if it’s not asymmetric, what if I’ll never, what if I spend all this time & energy & …??? What if??? But!).

The farthest back you’ll ever fall, from now on? Square 2. Make friends with square 2. You’ll be here, a lot, when making real & lasting change in your life… so may as well string up party lights, and roll in a jacuzzi, stock it with cold drinks & hot pizza… I’m not joking. I’m a hedonist, by nature, and anything hard? CAN be made fun, with the proper application of imagination & action. Or it can be a miserable place where you beat yourself up, roil in guilt/shame/fear/despair… instead of grinning in accomplishment that you have -once again- returned to your springboard to rest/relax/infuse your courage, and try again. Seriously. Make square 2 a badass place to congratulate yourself, take stock, and platform to launch yourself from.

 

[Midnightmoon]

I have things I have to get done before then.

Don't put heaps of pressure on yourself, it rarely works and it just leaves you feeling worse that you've 'failed'.

It sounds like you were making good progress, so you have solid evidence that you have done it, it was ok,and that means you can get back to that place again. It might take a few weeks to get back there, a session or two with T to process the situation that happened or just some time to breathe and re group. It's a marathon not a sprint and all that.

 

[Freddyt]

I was at a point where I could order my own food at a restaurant, and now after that I feel like I can barely go outside. I've been doing CBT for it, but now I don't know what to do, I don't see my therapist for a week and I have things I have to get done before then.

I have social anxiety as well but......
Things I have to get done? Go on my calendar. Stuff on the calendar HAS to get done. (so don't fill it with stuff you want to do)
So if it has to get done - make a plan and go do it. Plan quite places you can stop and do grounding kind of stuff and have a quiet minute to gather yourself.
Don't pile a bunch of stuff up - do one thing at a time at first, maybe two. Figure out how much you can do vs how you feel.

I also have a little notebook - with all the things I want to believe about myself. I read them. Before I go out to do stuff. I repeat them to myself while I'm out......and some days - I go back to the party and pizza and drinks at square 2.....and start over.