Confusion

[Meadowsweet]

I have periods where I am just utterly confused. I feel like I know something's happened, but i can't remember what it was. I know I'm feeling something, but I can't quite grasp what it is. I feel acutely aware of how ordinary everything in the room seems, but i feel like something is strange, something has happened and I can't remember what.

I've taken a lot of drugs in the past (20 years ago), and I've felt that confusion immediately after trauma.

But I can't understand what's happening. Is it dissociation, or a flashback to the dissociation of trauma (can that happen?), or just a current state of confusion?

 

[wicked child]

but i feel like something is strange, something has happened and I can't remember what.

Sounds like two things to me. The first is derealisation. I am figuring that from your use of the word [strange]. I have had this from time to time.

The first time I was at work. I couldn't figure out this tree . It looked as if it wasn't real. It was a conifer. It seemed so angular and out of place. It's branches and bough looked like ariels.I was a bit like a dream.

I have had the "almost remembering" thing too. It is as if I was about to clear the mental blocks away- the stuff that stops you recovering bad memories- It's a natural thing designs to protect us from those memories.

It seems that you are ready to make progress, and are now ready to remember. When I went through this, I had very fuzzy recollections of some of my traumatic episodes. I guess it was a fuzzy memory due to my age at the time - aged 5,6 or 7. Good luck.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Oh wow. I have this all the time, I'm sure there must be a reason, always confused but I'm either so confused I don't know the root of it or that somehow I've forgotten - but then why am I still confused. It's like I must have done something to cause it and if only I could remember what it was or why then I would be able to regain some semblance of normality, but I never find out. I must spend many hours every day trapped in a state of confusion and even when it's not so directly obvious, I'm somehow never not confused. What ever is causing it is almost like a half sneeze distance away. I hadn't thought of it as a form of derealisation - which does actually make a lot of sense. Thanks Meadowsweet for bringing it up and Wicked Child for the insight of derealisation.

 

[ms spock]

I have periods where I am just utterly confused.

I have trouble sorting out the derealisation, depersonalisation and dissociation. Could it be a mixture of the three states Meadowsweet?

 

[just keep swimming]

I can relate, read my introduction thread.

I wish I had been able to stop thinking about it and try to enjoy my here and now, I agree with wicked child, your own protection will only let you discover things when you are able to do so. You have a clue, so did I however, looking back it was very normal to want to fix a problem and of course the maze of thinking in my head about it, only made me withdraw from life. Soon i had skipped so many meals and lost track of night or day. It consumed me for so many years.

At the moment I wear I elastic band on my wrist? Its a old survival aid that I have gone back to. Whenever I find myself thinking anything that is not to do with making the most of my day. I twang it against my wrist and say stop. That gives me a moment to do something about my day, be it run a shower or hoover whatever. This works for me and I find it a very powerful aid. Of course I was twanging the band loads to begin with, I also now say stop and remind myself that I will think like that when in my therapy sessions ONLY.

I had to train myself to live and not think about my problems, I used denial as a blessing outside of my therapy sessions. They call it the golden hour (50 mins) and to me that is the beauty of having therapy. That is where you investigate your worries and I trained myself over much time to leave it in that room.

Please understand to be able to say what I have hear took years and years. I am a wreak inside but you would not think it if you knew me. Twang-stop. Things to do ;) my very best to you. Sorry if this is no help, I tried.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I'm not sure I have any more to remember. But I experience denial a great deal. It is something that I've experienced immediately following trauma too. And sometimes, I have short periods of memory blocks about traumatic experiences that I know about, but I just can't bring them to mind. I think (I hope) that's what the feeling of there being something I've forgotten is.

I can't understand dearealisation/depersonaliseation etc. I realise that it is something I experience, but it sort of creeps up on me and this felt different again than other times I've experienced it. I've had mild stress lately, just lots of little everyday stressors, but there was nothing in particular that has happened.

I haven't been in therapy for about 4 weeks, and work has changed my late finish, which will get in the way of therapy. My reaction to that is to try and adapt to the possibility of having no support again, which is to go into denial. But I have been trying really hard not to. I guess I failed.

 

[just keep swimming]

You have certainly not failed, sometimes its good to have a therapy break, treat it as that. Take some stock on how far you have come, its hard to see, sometimes a therapy break can show you that. Sometimes you need to step back, adjust and then go forward with a better direction and work and therapy times navigated. Do not give up your therapy if you feel you still need it.

For now, go easy on yourself ;)

 

[ms spock]

I can't understand dearealisation/depersonaliseation etc. I realise that it is something I experience, but it sort of creeps up on me and this felt different again than other times I've experienced it.

It is taking me awhile to get on top of this as well. Maybe you are becoming more aware? Reframe it that way instead of being a failure?