DID Connecting those who have dissociative identity disorder (did)

[Pixie]

I was just wondering how many of us here have been diagnosed with DID. I thought a thread on this disorder would be beneficial for everyone as both an information tool and a way for those with DID to connect with others who can understand the specific challenges that we face.

Rell

 

[2notbedefeated]

Five years ago I was diagnosised with DID and I was said to have 15 different personalities each had a name and a particular funcition for me, but I had a "God" encounter and the different personalities seemed to go away or disappear. Back then I didn't even have clear memory of the sexual and physical abuse as 5-7 year old child. It was suspected, but there was no clear memories at that time.

However, I did have a fairly good support system over the past five years. We had to moved to a new state almost a year ago and I really don't have the support system I had prior to moving. It was 1 1/2 years ago that I got triggered and ended having a flashback - emotional fugue right there in my son's therapist's office (luckly my son wasn't there to see what happened. I started screaming uncontrollably and crying and did so for quite a while. I couldn't stop.

We weren't really talking about anything heavy duty, but just trying to address some parenting problems and issues I was havining with my son. My son's therapist was stressing some point and raised his voice slightly forcefully to me and then "boom" I immediately lost it. After this happened I began to have some memories of the sexual abuse I had as a preschooler.
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So, here I am now in a new state and seeing a new therapist who I feel blessed to have. My son's therapist said the therapists I had seen previously were really recreating a very similar abusive treatment towards me.

I share because I didn't know how a therapist should have treated me as their client back then, but now I have a therpapist that is so amazing and seems to go the extra mile with me. He is gradually winning my trust and I am becoming more able to share myself and to let any hidden parts of myself to be free to express themselves.

I didn't mean to make this so long, but I said all this just share my background to better understand me. I know that I have one alter/personality (what do they call the other parts of you nowadays). The little girl and she almost always comes out at least once a day.

My therapist, he is not one for searching out alter and other personalities, but yesterday we talked about if I felt there was a part of me that was not feeling free and comfortable enough to be expressed. I do feel that there are pieces of me that have not felt comfort and free to be themselves with my Therapist. So this is part of my story.

He did mention the words alter/personality. but was just wanting to know if I felt there were parts inside that have not been able to share and be free. I say all that just to say that it may be possible that in addition to the little girl there might be another one.

 

[Pixie]

Hi 2notbedefeated :hello:

Thanks for sharing and helping me to not feel so alone with this!

They do call them "alters" now as opposed to personalities but it is basically the same thing.

My therapist, he is not one for searching out alter and other personalities, but yesterday we talked about if I felt there was a part of me that was not feeling free and comfortable enough to be expressed. I do feel that there are pieces of me that have not felt comfort and free to be themselves with my Therapist. So this is part of my story.

Yep! I hear you on this one. I'm in the exact same position though my psych/T has told me of one that has spoken directly to him etc. She has taken up two whole sessions so far that I know of. But there are others inside who have not yet had the courage to actually take over with him yet. I can feel them get close and can feel myself starting to drift away but then they hide again. For ages, I thought this meant that I DIDN'T have DID because they didn't actually take over but now I know better...

If there is one, there are usually others but the thing with alters that I've come to realize is that they have a role and often this means actually hiding themselves from us and everyone else. It made life livable back then during the abuse and they don't yet know that it is safe for them to come out. They usually are triggered out (at least mine are) as I can't call them up at will but where I thought I only had one or two a few years ago... turns out there are many more than that. *sigh*

Makes healing just that much more complicated... if it wasn't complicated enough!!

Rell

 

[Grama-Herc]

I have not been officially diaginosed with DID, but always felt that there was at least another Me. I loose time.

I find bruises of unknown origin. I discover the gas in my car is way down when it should full. In my drinking days I would wake up with a hang over when as far as I knew I had not gone out the night before.

Mother asked me the other day who I was talking to on the phone when I was not on the phone. I have also, according to mother, had conversations with people on my balcony????? I take her input on this with a grain of salt though cuz she does get confused sometimes, but it is still unnerving.

The biggest reason I feel there is another me is because of the huge holes in my memory as a child, teenager and young adult. It would certainly explain WHY I don't remember years and years of my life.

I have a question I hope someone can answer for me. Is it possible that to much stress, pressure to be perfect, negative feedback, verbal/emotional abuse, and public embarrassment by a parent when you are a child cause DID? Seems to me if the child is totally overloaded with all that crap on a constant basis, eventually the kid would just collapse.

I am very curious what you guys think.

 

[Pixie]

Grama-Herc, I would think that trauma is trauma and that if what you experienced was constant and overwealming for the child that was you, then yes, I think DID could be one of the things to consider. But this would need a professional diagnosis, just as with PTSD. But possible? Absolutely!

I was interested in the bruises comment because I get those too and have no idea of how. Not all the time, but I have experienced that too.

Seaworthy... welcome to the DID thread!

Rell

 

[Akita]

I don't think I have DID but DDNOS. This is mostly because I don't lose any time, though for a very long time I have always talked to others inside my head some try to tell me they are "ego states" but it's not like that, it just feels different then that. Perhaps it is because I don't really have any control over them? Anyways, everyone has an animal associated with them. (mine is a dog/wolf by the way, but you could have probably guessed that) funny though it once reminded me of for as long as I can remember I never wanted to pretend I was a human, always animals (when you play those pretend games).

 

[Pixie]

Hi Akita hun!

Glad you are here too. Have you been diagnosed? I also thought at one stage that I was DDNOS but it turns out to be DID. The dissociative spectrum is pretty broad but you will find that there are many similarities between the two so it is helpful.

I was wondering if you guys would like me to set up a "group" for DID? Would that be helpful for DID discussions?

Rell

 

[cheddar2000]

I am DID and was diagnosed about 20 years ago when MPD and DID were hot topics and going through changes. I had a very supportive spouse come along a few years later who was willing to work with all my alters (5 in all) and I was somewhat integrated. Even back then though I always felt the diagnosis for me was a bit to far out but I didn't worry so much since my spouse was the only one (that I knew of) that saw all my parts.

About 1 year ago we separated because my youngest son was going through his own mental illness and I just could not work on the marriage. Well here we are a year +2 months later. My spouse told me in November we were over for good. My alters started to come out again and even with all the evidence to it (DID) I still go back and forth in my own head that I am a multiple or that I am not a multiple and I am suffering from psychosis. My therapist and psychiatrist have been great in helping me to accept the DID buts it is hard. I think the loss of time is what I fear most. Second is going back to my younger days of using and drinking. But I am in outpatient rehab and all my drug tests (8 in 2 months) have been negative.

Sometimes though I even fight the drug tests and feel as though I really was drinking and drugging in the present day. I understand that alters can have different physiological responses and that the feeling I am drugged up and drinking is a part of the alters physiology and is also part of the flashbacks. It definitely is not easy all the way around.

 

[jo74]

Anyone Have DID? (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

I got this diagnosis a few weeks ago and was curious how others deal with it.

jo

 

[Pixie]

Hi Jo

I have also recently been officially diagnosed with DID (probably a month or two ago now...??? not sure).

I put a thread in Symptoms & Other Disorders forum titled "Connecting Those Who Have Dissociative Identity Disorder/DID" if you want to have a look there.

Happy to talk though. It is a difficult thing to come to terms with! :)

Rell

 

[Mina]

Hi, Jo74 - I merged your thread with the existing one started by Pixie so the DID discussion can be in one place.

 

[Pixie]

Hi all

I just wanted to let you know that I have created a group called "All Things DID - Dissociative Identity Disorder".

Here is the link if you are interested in joining:

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/group.php?groupid=16[/DLMURL]

Or alternatively, you can find it by clicking on the "Community" tab up the top, then select "Groups".

I hope you find it helpful. :)

Rell