Consistent Throbbing

[HappyJock]

I am not even sure if the title is accurate, however it is the only thing that resembles its origin. I don't think it relates to PTSD (or it may), but when I'm NOT in therapy, my mind is consistently, every minute of every second, throbbing. In thought. Thinking. Paranoid. Unwell. It's really hard to explain. Like it doesn't hurt, no... It's not like I'm thinking of a million different things. There are no particular thoughts. You know how in the old days when you'd flicker through TV channels, like ten channels at a time and you'd hear and see glimpses of the other channels because the TV was too slow to keep up with you holding down the channel button? My mind is like that. So there isn't a particular thought going on throughout the day. I mean that that relates to what I'm talking about. Just being around my therapist calms it down. But I can't seem to get that same relaxation or calmness when I'm not there because I don't even know what it is or means to manage it. I've been diagnosed with DID and PTSD. Is it a DID thing? It doesn't seem like it would do that to the mind. Like I hear a voice.. But it's coming from my own head. It's not like I actually hear anything. That part I know as much is DID. But the rest is hard to comprehend. Does anyone know the feeling?

 

[void]

Empathy for you, friend.
You are suffering badly, fo sho.

I think the DID folks need in on this one. They may understand.

See what you are describing can have diff. causes.

Imo, question the following:

1. Med's
2. drugs(if any)
3. mild psychotic features
4. dissociation
5. attention deficit

and so on........

 

[Sideways]

Are the thoughts racing, or more like they're just scattered?
And is there a particular feeling attached? Like, anxious, energised, scared?

 

[Riot]

@HappyJock, 100% on the same page as you there. I completely relate to the television analogy you gave.

 

[HappyJock]

Are the thoughts racing, or more like they're just scattered?
And is there a particular feeling a...

No feelings to it at all. (Other than annoyance when I realize how annoyingly it's been affecting me). I also have racing thoughts but that's separate from the thing I'm writing about here. Like there's no thought. You can just "feel" your brain being active, sometimes in a bothersome way but no thoughts, really. No feelings, it just feels like the brain is being used, like it has its own humanity or something. Bad example though.

 

[Sideways]

I thought you might say that;) It's not so much feeling numb as like an emotional void. If someone asks what you're feeling, the honest answer is probably "I don'mt know"??

When I get it, it's like my thoughts are pieces of debris on a river, just kind of floating past at their own speed, but still constantly in motion, not staying in the one place long enough for me to fix on any of them, just in constant motion and changing.

I tend to get like that if I've changed meds, and definitely mention it to your doc. But for me, it's usually during a transitional period when I'm coming out of a fairly deep depression. It's like I've stopped ruminating, but my concentration hasn't quite caught up yet. Usually I still feel pretty lousy & lacking motivation, but it tends to pass as I slowly come out of the major depressive episode and into my usualy dysthymic state.

Or at least, that's how it is for me...

 

[Riot]

When I get it, it's like my thoughts are pieces of debris on a river, just kind of floating past at their own speed, but still constantly in motion, not staying in the one place long enough for me to fix on any of them, just in constant motion and changing.

That's good imagery for parts of the experience!