Constant Fear And Checking?

[elektriknathan]

Hi. I have been diagnosed with GAD by my former psychologist but I have been diagnosed by mental health support services as having PTSD, complex trauma type. I was the victim of physical and emotional abuse from the age of 0 until the age of 26. The abuse was by multiple perpetrators in multiple locations, i was also involved against my will in the family religion which I view as a cult - no loving God in this religion, just manipulation and control and lots of people being my parents when I was a kid: telling me what to do and what not do, hitting me etc; I had no safe haven at home, at primary school or secondary school, university;
Apart from going to ex girlfriends houses, nightclubs, or roaming the streets; there was no safe haven.

I'm just asking if people here experience a constant hypervigalence to avoid the trauma of someone else you've witnessed having to happen to you and also if you check and recheck things for signs that it is dangerous.

Thanks for your support, looking forward to getting to know you all

 

[Deleted member 39333]

I think it is fair to say that most, if not all people with PTSD are hypervigilant quite a lot of the time. Personally, I am like that all of the time, which is one of the reasons that I get only about 2 hours of sleep a night, if that.

 

[XvanoraX]

Yep, I'm much the same.
I'm much worse when I'm at my home and/or alone.
I'm a lot better during the day around other people, but still I'm so alert and hear everything around me. I know someone's behind us long before anyone else does.
But yes, if I feel safe with certain people then I don't feel so scared, but if they are angry (such as my mums friend yelling at the kids) then my heart races and I feel like I don't know what to do.

 

[FireSign8]

I am always looking around & if I see anyone "lurking", I will just drive out of the parking lot & go into another store in a different part of town. I am finicky about things like that because I avoid confrontations if at all possible. A person who "lurks" is a potential threat to my safety. I do not want to risk being approached by a stranger. This is why I avoid crowds, never go out at night, & stay as far from children as I possibly can, because so many of their parents are just plain insane & want to sue people for looking at their kids! I am going blind & in the next 5 years, I must learn how to use a stick as a tool instead of a weapon. That's funny because I have a fear of sticks that I must get over because I was beaten with one prior to getting my PTSD pin!

 

[elektriknathan]

I think it is fair to say that most, if not all people with PTSD are hypervigilant quite a lot of the ti...

I've just woken up and it's 6:23am and I'm immediately looking for danger. Most of my thoughts are like this "gasp! Who's that? What are they doing? What's happening? Gasp!"
Even if my family members who are neutral (that is haven't abused me) say "he wants you to call her back" to each other, I come running out of where I am and I say "what's happened?" And I gasp.
A simple itch near a mole on the skin turns into "gasp! Cancer, I will end up like my mother and die not knowing freedom from oppression (even though the abuse has stopped)"

 

[elektriknathan]

I think it is fair to say that most, if not all people with PTSD are hypervigilant quite a lot of the ti...

Sorry to hear that.
Yes, my hypervigalence is extreme. I'm glad to hear it is common and due to PTSD and not some genetic type of thing.
Being on the lookout for danger all the time. The shopping mall for me has turned into a minefield of "who's that? What are they looking at me for? What the did I do? What's this?"

 

[ladee]

Pretty sure most of us have hypervigilance.
I'm sure this adds to my anxiety because when out in the world I am exhausted when I get home. I don't even conciously do it anymore. And it's much less severe. But still present.
Welcome by the way. Glad you found us and hope you get the help you need from this very healing caring community.

 

[elektriknathan]

Pretty sure most of us have hypervigilance.
I'm sure this adds to my anxiety because when out in the wor...

I already am feeling healing because I know I'm not alone.

Part of my trauma is that my chief abuser said to me that I am a freak and I have issues and that nobody will listen to me because I'm so demented etc
So I felt all alone and still do. I felt like I'm the only one who's suffered and that nobody out there has... glad that it's not the case. That's another thing the abuser was wrong about.

I know the feeling of being exhausted by anxiety too. One time I spent three hours checking and rechecking a pimple because it didn't look right. Danger danger! Flashing through my mind but no, just my mind trying to protect me from the horror that was part of the trauma

Thanks for understanding. A lot of my family refuse to understand and care. Possibly denial on their part

 

[ladee]

Most here will relate and understand on many levels. There is a huge community of people helping each other here.
Many levels of healing..someone will always understand.
All abusers are liars.
Learning we do have a voice and are heard is very empowering.
Glad you are here.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hey welcome to the forum.... The thing with most abusers, they will say and do anything to keep you under their control. They are scum of the earth, pieces of f*cking useless shit in my book. You're not a freak, you're not evil, you're not warped, you are none of the things they said to control you.

You are like the rest of us here.... Brave souls that have been abused and only want to live a life filled with contentment and peace.

Again, welcome!!!!!,

 

[Freedomfighter]

Hi. I have been diagnosed with GAD by my former psychologist but I have been diagnosed by mental...

Of course, very common symptoms of PTSD, after all past trauma will be a constant vigilance reminder. It is tough, but it helps us to avoid future trauma, because vigilance results in alertness. I was confronted with a very dangerous predator not too long ago, figured it out in a couple of days. Resembled abusive parent and my ex. The last time I had to face a predator of that caliper, despite the fact that the intelligence of that one was rather low, it took me over 5 years to realize that that was a dangerous predator. So with the vigilance I identified a dangerous stalker and pedophile within a couple of days, versus making that kind if identification of a similar predator that took me years. However the prior predator abused me full well knowing that PTSD had me in a totally handicapped stage. As low as they come.

 

[DrCreative27]

Ditto the above. You're definitely not alone!

I feel a million times better than I did when I started, but I still listen for every sound, sit in corner booths, startle awake if anyone moves near me, keep the bedroom door locked at night, stay on red alert anytime I'm walking down the street. I also go straight to manipulation and abuse when a friend doesn't act exactly like I want, even when it doesn't make sense to do so. It can be very stressful- but I'm your go to friend if ever you need someone to stand watch for tigers or other bad guys! The flip side, when there's an emergency, the adrenaline rush slows me down and makes my reflexes super sharp.... also very useful when shooting at tigers ;-).